


Second Chances

by heyyitslaurennn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Brainwashing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Depression, F/M, Family Secrets, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nightmares, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Smut, Therapy, enhanced!reader, healing Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8830309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyyitslaurennn/pseuds/heyyitslaurennn
Summary: Bucky Barnes is brought out of cryofreeze and is given a chance at redemption by the government. The Avengers move him to the tower where his emotions thrust him into something he never expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii everybody :D omg I'm so excited about this! So if you've read my Sebastian Stan fanfic, As Fate Would Have It, you're already familiar with me and my writing. Believe me, I'm not finished with that story yet, but I felt compelled to write this as well. I'm hopelessly in love with Bucky and feel he deserves life and love and everything in between. So here's the first chapter. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Steve Rogers watched with weary eyes and trembling fidgety hands as the cryogenic chamber powered down and began the thawing process of his best friend, Bucky Barnes. The handful of scientists and doctors fluttered around the machine, overseeing its correct completion and the vitals of the man inside.

 

It had been six months to the day since Bucky decided to be frozen again, unable to trust himself and the switch in his brain that meant the transformation into the Winter Soldier if flipped; but with the assistance of Tony Stark and his endless reach and funds, Steve had located several physicians who were more than qualified to reverse the effects that Hydra had cursed the poor man with.

 

The room filled with fog from the chamber and Steve approached it cautiously, praying that Bucky would remember. He had already been informed that it would take at least a couple hours for Bucky to thaw completely and gain consciousness, but Steve would wait. All he had at the current moment was time.

 

The sound of heels clicking on the clean tile echoed through the room behind him. A hand entered his peripheral, holding a cup of coffee. "Thought you could use some fuel," a woman cooed from his side, red hair framing her beautiful face in soft waves.

 

He smiled and took the hot cup. "Thanks, Natasha." He sighed and took a small sip, the bitter drink almost burning his lips. "You don't have to stay."

 

Natasha shrugged, her sharp eyes glued to the crygenic chamber. "What else am I gonna do, go home and terrorize Tony?" She side-eyed him with a smirk. "I think his gargantuan ego could use a break."

 

"For once," Steve chuckled, letting out a long sigh seconds later, dragging a large hand down his face. "He's done so much for me, though... For Bucky, even after coming to terms with... With what Hydra made him do."

 

"Because underneath his giant ego and all of that narcissism, he cares about you. We all do." She snaked her arm around his waist, leaning her head into his side as he pulled her closer and kissed her hair.

 

It had already been a long day up to that point, but tack on theti me between opening the chamber and Bucky actually waking up and that time felt like an eternity. Steve dozed off in an uncomfortable armchair with Natasha somewhere else in T'Challa's palace.

 

"Steve..." a weary voice called hoarsely, causing the supersoldier to stir from his light slumber. Steve sat up and looked to his right, finding Bucky looking back at him.

 

"Buck," he almost shouted as he shot up from the chair to move closer to his side. "How you feelin, jerk?" He smiled warmly at his friend.

 

"Well how's that for a greeting," Bucky replied with feigned hurt, the shadow of a smile in his crystal blue eyes. He slowly sat up and blinked several times, clearing his vision and looking around the room. "How long was I out?" he asked as he stretched his stiff limbs, taking note of his brand new vibranium arm and inspecting it with interest.

 

"Six months," Steve replied quickly, almost hesitating with his next statement. "Tony found you some help... We're gonna get the Soldier out of your head."

 

Bucky looked up through his lashes with a furrowed brow and quickly looked away, his eyes rapidly filling to the brim with tears. "I don't deserve his help..."

 

"You can't keep thinking that way, Buck. The Soldier did all those things, not you."

 

Bucky didn't move, didn't blink. Words of kindness would continue to be unaffective to him. This broke Steve's heart; he knew that his friend was still in there, this broken shell of a man. There was still good in him. He had seen it.

 

The sound of the door clicking open startled both men as Natasha reentered with two more cups of coffee. She gave them both a small smile as she approached them, holding the cups out for them to take. "No hard feelings," she whispered to Bucky with a wink, most likely referring to their fight in Berlin several months ago. He simply blinked at the woman and slowly took the cup.

 

"Is the quinjet ready?" Steve asked her as he took the lid off his coffee to let it cool a bit.

 

"It will be soon." She turned to Bucky with a knowing grin. "You ready to go, Barnes?"

 

Bucky eyed her suspiciously, having no clue what she was talking about. She rolled her eyes and turned to Steve. "You didn't tell him?"

 

"I didn't exactly have time," he sighed, a bit exasperated.

 

"It is a shame to see you all leaving so soon," T'Challa said from the open doorway as he approached them. "I could certainly use your power and intellect with what few threats we still have here."

 

"Keep that offer on hand for us, unfortunately I couldn't convince the doctors to come all the way out here," Steve informed the Wakandan king.

 

"Sorry to interrupt," Bucky interjected, "but could someone please explain to me where the hell we're going?"

 

Steve chuckled and slapped a hand to Bucky's shoulder. "We're going home. You're getting your life back."

 

Bucky's eyes softened as he tried to think of what this would mean for him.

 

"Let me explain," Natasha spoke up. "The American government has decided , after examining the mountains of evidence that show  that Hydra did indeed have control of you and that you did not perform these crimes under your own free will, that they would allow time for you to be evaluated and deconditioned by the nation's leading neural physicians and, provided they are successful, will not bring any criminal charges on you."

 

Bucky looked at her with intense confusion, still undoubtedly groggy from his six-month nap.

 

She rolled her eyes. "It means you've been given another chance, pretty boy."

 

"Your Majesty," a voice called from the doorway, "the aircraft is ready for departure."

 

T'Challa nodded to his servant at the door and turned back to the Avengers before him. "Well, it seems that this is goodbye for now."

 

Steve and Natasha nodded as Bucky hopped off the chamber bed in search of more sensible clothing. As if he read his mind, Steve strode across the room to a desk where several folded items of clothing sat and plucked some sweats and a long-sleeve shirt, tossing them across the room to his friend. He took a pair of tennis shoes and socks from one of the drawers and walked back. "We'll be waiting outside," he said warmly.

 

Bucky nodded, forcing the corners of his mouth to curl up slightly. "Thanks, Steve," he muttered.

 

Steve nodded and left the room with T'Challa and Natasha, closing the door behind him.

 

***************************************

 

As they waited on Bucky, Natasha felt the need to assist with Bucky's recovery with suggestions of fulfilling more... _Physical_ needs.

 

"You know, I know several girls around the tower wh--"

 

"Nat, please," Steve groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Give him some time to feel a little more whole again."

 

"I'm just saying, maybe that's part of what he needs."

 

They both jumped when the door opened and Bucky stepped out, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

 

"You ready?" Steve asked. Bucky simply nodded. "Alright, let's go home."

 

***************************************

 

Autumn Rivers hadn't exactly had the perfect life. In fact, it had been downright _awful_. Her parents were killed by Hydra when she was very young, and her younger sister moved abroad to study in the United Kingdom several years ago and decided to stay, leaving her alone in the states.

 

At age 24, her prayers for a better job had been answered when she was contacted by the personal assistant of Pepper Potts regarding an administrative job at Stark Tower. Being very educated in that industry, she accepted the job immediately and was moved into the tower shortly after, as the department she would be working in dealt directly with the Avengers and Tony felt she needed some sort of protection. She felt this move preposterous until the incident with the Helicarriers happened in DC.

 

She found her new job quite fulfilling since she got to rub shoulders with the Avengers, now being invited to Tony's fancy parties and having become close friends with Steve and Natasha. Sam Wilson had hit on her several times, which she never outwardly complained about, but he wasn't her type. He figured that out shortly after his last attempt when Jane Foster brought Darcy to a party at the tower and introduced them; from then on, Sam and Darcy were inseparable.

 

Life and work at the tower had become somewhat routine for her, until today. She sat in her office scanning confidential documents into the computer to make digital copies so the paper files could be shredded, when Tony popped his head in.

 

"Hey kid, you busy?" he asked, chuckling when Autumn silently raised a perfectly-shaped eyebrow at him and blew a strand of burgundy hair from her face, towers of files teetering all  over the place. "Forget I asked. But I do have a special project for you. Well, it's not really a project per se--"

 

"Out with it, Stark," Autumn quipped, setting her current file down and turning off the scanner.

 

"Alright, Miss Feisty," he scoffed, mimicing a cat scratch with his hands as he slid through the open door. "I need you on the residential floor tonight helping our new guest settle in."

 

Autumn blinked. "Wait... What? You got me babysitting?"

 

"Sort of? I mean he's not a baby... Actually he's like 100..."

 

"Who put you up to this, Tony?" Autumn crossed her arms and eyed him suspiciously.

 

"Romanov did it. Please don't kill me." He hid behind her office door and waved a white handkerchief in mock surrender.

 

Autumn sighed and swiped her hand down her face, slumping back in her office chair. "Okay... Okay, who do you have for me?" She held out her hand, expecting an enormous file on the new addition to the tower.

 

"Okay, don't panic..." Tony began, stepping toward the desk and placing the just-as-expected heavy file in her waiting hand.

 

She began flipping through it and looked more panicked with every page turn. Her jaw dropped nearly to the floor. " _The Winter fucking Soldier_? Are you insane?!"

 

Tony sighed. "You're doing exactly what I asked you not to do. Look..." he pinched his eyes shut. "I didn't like him at first either. In fact, I wanted him dead. But..." he paused, gathering his thoughts. "He's not what you think he is."

 

"Then what is he exactly?" she spat as she continued to flip through the file. _Are there seriously no pictures of this guy?_

 

"He's... He needs help. Hydra fucked him up royally and we're gonna fix him. I just need you to make sure he's comfortable."

 

"Can't Rogers do that?"

Tony smiled. "Where's the fun in that?" He stared at Autumn's expressionless face waiting for a response that never came. He groaned inwardly. "Okay, here it is. He already knows Rogers. The guys grew up together. Part of Barnes' recovery involves forming new relationships. He needs new faces. You'll be fine, kid."

 

"Are you ever gonna stop calling me kid..." Autumn mumbled through gritted teeth.

 

"Not a chance. And we should get going. I've got someone taking over this... This for you. They're scheduled to land..." He checked his watch. "five minutes ago."

 

Autumn dragged herself out of her comfy chair and followed him to the elevator. "Residential floor two, F.R.I.D.A.Y."

 

"Right away, Mr. Stark," the disembodied AI replied and the elevator began moving.

 

Autumn glanced down at herself; she hadn't prepared to meet new people, especially a 100-year-old former assassin. Grimacing at her boring grey pencil skirt and white blouse, she adjusted her thick black glasses and smoothed her hair and cursed herself for not applying any makeup that day. This didn't go unnoticed by Tony.

 

"You look great, kid," he said softly, nudging her with his elbow. She rolled her eyes.

 

As the elevator announced thwir arrival at the correct floor, the doors opened to reveal Steve and Natasha waiting to step inside.

 

"Got somewhere else to be, guys?" Tony asked.

 

"We'll be back, we're just gonna go grab some dinner. You guys hungry?" Steve was always trying to feed everyone, especially Autumn. She was so petite that he felt she was too thin, when in reality she was quite curvy for her small stature. Autumn nodded furiously as her stomach grumbled at the thought of food.

 

"No rush," Tony called over his shoulder as they passed the pair through the elevator door.

 

The floor was quiet. A little too quiet for Autumn's liking. It was kind of creeping her out. She didn't remember much of anything from History class, so she didn't know what to expect of this new guy. She did know that he was involved in the helicarriers being brought down a couple years back.

 

As she and Tony entered the living area, Autumn spotted a tall and broad figure standing at the wall of windows, just staring out at the city. The sun was setting, so it really was a beautiful sight.

 

Tony cleared his throat, which seemed to startle the man. He whipped around and what Autumn saw before her knocked the breath right out of her lungs, suddenly making her feel wobbly in her black pumps. Jesus Christ, this man is beautiful. Broad chest and shoulders, razor-sharp jaw peppered with stubble, chestnut hair barely brushing his shoulders, and piercing eyes that widened the second they locked on her.

 

Tony looked between the two and grinned. "Well, I'll just let you two get acquainted. Buzz me when Capsicle gets back with food, will ya, kid?"

 

Autumn nodded absentmindedly, making no effort to pick her jaw up off the floor. The elevator dinging again seemed to snap her out of her trance and she realized that she had been staring, causing her to blush furiously. The man didn't move, though he looked like he found her blush to be amusing as his features softened and she caught what looked like the beginnings of a smile grace is beautiful face.

 

 _This is gonna be absolute torture_ , she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn gets acquainted with Bucky and fluff happens later :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg WHAT! Two chapters in one day because I love y'all :) please lemme know what y'all think so far!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Autumn and Bucky stood across the room from each other, staring for what felt like an eternity before Bucky averted his gaze, seemingly bashful (which Autumn found utterly adorable). She shuffled her feet, which were beginning to ache from standing for so long in her heels.

 

Finally unable to bear the tension any longer, she spoke up. "Uh... May I sit?" she asked quietly, gesturing to the nearest couch.

 

Bucky's head shot up from staring at his feet, one brow cocked at the silliness of her question. "You were here before me, doll," he drawled, much to Autumn's surprise. His voice was deep and somewhat gravelly, and so sexy that Autumn had to suppress a moan.

 

_Doll_. Right. This guy is from an entirely different era and is probably extremely old-fashioned, Autumn mused. _Get it together, woman._

 

She blinked at him and laughed nervously before taking the few steps toward the front of the sofa (and ultimately toward him) and took a seat, crossing her legs at the ankles. She patted the seat next to her, motioning for him to sit as well. He hesitated a beat before slowly approaching the couch, choosing to sit at the far end as opposed to right next to her.

 

She smiled nervously while her hands fidgeted in her lap. "So," she began, gazing out the window to avoid looking at him and promptly becoming a puddle of useless goo on the couch, "exactly how much do you know about this place, Sergeant Barnes?"

 

He thought for a moment before answering, "Not that much... Just that the Avengers live here, and there's a voice in the walls." No doubt he was referring to F.R.I.D.A.Y. "And please, call me Bucky." He smiled at her for the first time since their meeting and Autumn damn near melted.

 

"Right. So, ahh... Yes, Tony requested that I assist you in getting settled in here and show you the facility. So, this is the living area for this floor, obviously, and--"

 

"You got a name, doll?"

 

Her breath hitched and she had to mentally chastise herself for having no self-control. She looked across the couch only to find him watching her intently, eyes shining as he clearly attempted to suppress a wide grin.

 

Son of a bitch was a flirt back in his day, wasn't he? He knows exactly what he's doing. "I--yes, my name is Autumn," she finally replied as her slim fingers fidgeted with the hem of her skirt.

 

"Autumn," he repeated, and God almighty, her name on his lips nearly caused her to clench her thighs together.

 

Unable to bear the thick tension any longer, she stood up. "So let me show you your room," she stammered as she made her way to the side of the floor that contained a few bedrooms, Bucky close behind her. She left a delicious trail of scent in her wake, her shampoo, that Bucky caught a whiff of and his eyes promptly rolled into the back of his head. He couldn't identify the scent, but he immediately knew he wanted it wrapped around him every night.

 

He came to his senses after nearly colliding with her tiny frame. _Why did she stop?_

 

_Oh my GOD. Tony. Fucking Tony God damn Stark._ That man thought he was _hilarious_. Autumn had no clue how she didn't realize before that he had placed Bucky on her floor. His bedroom was right across the hallway from hers and she would have to go to bed every night knowing that he was right there... Sometimes naked.

 

"Everything okay?" Bucky asked, causing her to jump right out of her skin. Of course he found her jumpy nature astoundingly cute, though he wouldn't admit that to her.

 

"I--uhh... Yeah. So this," gesturing to the first door on the right, "is your bedroom."

 

She whipped around to find him standing uncomfortably close. "That's my room?" he asked, so close that his breath almost fanned over her face. _This guy was in cryo for how long and he already smells this good?!_

 

She nodded, pursing her lips together.

 

"And who is in these other rooms?"

 

Uh oh. There it is. Of course, he has every right to know who his roommates are. "Uhh well... The last door on the right is Steve and Nat's room. The room across from them is empty. And..." she paused to inhale, suddenly quite breathless at the way he was looking at her. "And the room across from you is mine."

 

The air fell silent, which didn't do shit to help how nervous she was. She watched the corners of his mouth curl up as he glanced behind her at her bedroom door. "I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

 

Curse her nervous anxiety, and curse the universe for putting her in this situation. She lost her voice and died on the inside when he slid his tongue across his lips and drew his bottom lip between his teeth. She could swear that he began to lean closer to her, but the moment was torn to shreds by the elevator dinging.

 

She damn near screamed as she peeked around the corner to see Steve and Natasha stepping off the elevator with several bags of takeout, whispering heatedly. Steve looked a bit annoyed while Nat looked amused. Autumn stepped into the room and cleared her throat, grabbing Nat's attention and prompting her to smack Steve's bicep, no doubt to get him to shut up.

 

"Enjoying yourself?" Autumn hissed to the redhead, gaining a shiteating grin.

 

"You'll thank me later," Natasha replied in a hushed tone. Autumn positively seethed as she looked at Steve, who mouthed "sorry". She rolled her eyes and took a bag from him, heading for the dining table.

 

She emptied the bag and took the others, emptying them one by one and eyed all the delicious-smelling Chinese food hungrily before glancing over her shoulder to find that Bucky was still standing un the hallway where she left him. Her brow furrowed. "You've gotta be hungry, Bucky. Come eat," she gestured to the tons of food.

 

As he complied and made his way across the floor, Tony and Clint stepped off the elevator. "No need to buzz me, kid. I just followed the aroma of food."

 

"Hey man," Clint said as he clapped a hand to Bucky's back. "How's it goin'? Good to see ya."

 

Bucky smiled at the archer as he took a seat at the table, his eyes first settling on a box of pork fried rice. Autumn took the chair to Bucky's left and began piling food onto a plate before digging in and demolishing her entire plate in 5 minutes.

 

It was nearing 8pm and the rest of the Avengers had gathered in the living room in front of the tv for a movie night. As Autumn cleaned up after dinner, she glanced across the apartment at Bucky, who looked somewhat uncomfortable sandwiched between Steve and Clint as the two tossed popcorn at each other. She snorted and went back to washing the few dishes left over.

 

"You gonna stick around for movies, kid?" Tony shouted over Thor's booming voice, giving him a side-glare.

 

Autumn drued her hands and shook her head. "I'm gonna turn in early. Exhausted..." She stole a quick glance at Bucky, who was already watching her. She was about to walk away when she thought she might want to make some sort of schedule for him. "Meet me here at 9am, I'll have breakfast made and I'll show you the rest of the tower." Bucky nodded and watched her go into her bedroom.

 

"Someone's got a crush," Natasha teased in a sing-song voice, earning  death glare from Bucky.

 

"Uhh just putting this out there," Tony chimed in from across the room, "if you hurt her, I will destroy you."

 

"Got it," Bucky grumbled. His head began swimming with horrifying visions of the Winter Soldier crushing her windpipe with his metal arm, causing him to pinch his eyes shut and nearly punch himself in the temple. "I need some air," he muttered as he stood up and made his way to the tiny patio.

 

The room grew silent as everyone watched him stomp away.

 

"Was it something I said?" Tony asked, though he knew the answer.

 

***************************************

 

Autumn sat cross-legged on her bed with Bucky's file disassembled and laying haphazardly all over the place as she poured over it, trying to learn as much as she could about the man across the hall.  Since it was currently hot as hell outside, she donned a tiny tank top and boxer shorts that barely covered her ass. She pulled her long wine-colored hair into a messy bun atop her head and picked up a packet of papers that she missed before. She thanked the stars that she knew some Russian when she saw that the entire packet was written in the language.

She took a big gulp of milk as her green eyes scanned over the document. She soon realized it was a complete detailed book on what exactly Hydra had done to Bucky. Her hand flew to her mouth as she read the extremely detailed description of how they took the rest of his arm to replace it with the cybernetic one with no anesthetic whatsoever, the torture, the conditioning, the brainwashing... She threw the book across the room as tears streamed down her face.

 

That poor man... He didn't deserve any of that. And the fact that he was blamed for the assassinations rather than Hydra made her sick to her stomach.

 

She stared at her bedroom door, boring through it with her eyes as if looking right into his room. She wanted to hold him and tell him that he's okay now. She wiped at her cheeks furiously and gathered up all the contents of his file, placed it on her desk and began pacing around her room restlessly.  After ehat felt like hours of pacing, she sighed heavily and collapsed on her bed. She stared at the ceiling, trying to come up with ideas that would put him more at ease.

 

"Lights off," she said to the empty room, staring into darkness as the lights turned off. Might as well try to sleep...

 

She flopped over onto her side, clutching her body pillow and falling into a restless sleep.

 

_She stumbled down a dark and musty corridor, tripping over the occasional body. She was looking for something... Or someone. It was almost too dark to see with her terrible vision._

 

_She swung around a corner and collided with what seemed to be a brick wall. She looked up to find a face, barely illuminated by a dim bulb in the far corner. The face donned a black muzzle and goggles. He was tall and broad, dressed in black, but his left arm seemed to glow in the dim light._

 

_She raised her arms to push away from the man, only to find that his shiny arm was made of metal. "B-Bucky?" she squeaked._

 

_The man grabbed her by the arms, hard. Yanked her down the corridor, back to where she started. She fought him tooth and nail, even managed to rip the goggles and muzzle from his face, revealing his emotionless features. "Oh God, Bucky, please--" she yelped in pain when his metal hand tightened its grip on her arm. "Please don't do this, you're stronger than this!"_

 

_She continued to beg and plead for him to release her. He dragged her into a large room, better lit than the dank hallways. He shoved her into some sort of chair. He held her down while she flailed and screamed, but it was no use. The chair's arm cuffs closed around her wrists. She was trapped._

 

_Tears streamed down her face as she gazed up at the man that was once Bucky Barnes, his face completely devoid of any emotion as he watched her become Hydra's new lab rat._

 

_The chair began to move and make noise, terrible metal-on-metal noises. A headpiece lowered and covered most of her face._

 

_White-hot searing pain._

 

_The smell of burning hair and flesh._

 

_The sound of her own blood-curdling screams._

 

She shot straight up in her bed, gulping down air as if she'd been underwater. She looked around the dark room, relieved to find it had only been a nightmare. She sighed and crashed back into her pillow, wiping sweat from her face and neck.

 

As her breathing began to normalize and her eyelids grew heavy once more,  she heard a muffled cry. Not thinking much of it, she turned over... Only to hear a much louder scream.

 

She sat back up, ears perked for more noise. She then heard a lot of shuffling, more screaming. She sprang from her bed and dashed for the door, throwing it open and stepping out into the cool hallway. She saw Steve poke his head out and waved him back as she approached Bucky's room.

 

As she eased the door open, his labored breathing and thrashing became louder. She hurried to the edge of his bed and climbed onto the mattress at his side, unsure of what to do. His shirtless and sweaty form continued to thrash as his chest heaved and his eyes were screwed shut so tightly one would assume he was in pain. 

 

Unable to come up with any other bright ideas, she placed a hand on his bicep and shook. "Bucky, wake up," she said as calmly as she could. He didn't wake. She tried again, her grip on his arm firmer. "Bucky!"

 

His eyes flew open and in a flash, Autumn was on her back, Bucky's knees planted firmly on each side of her ribs with his metal fingers around her throat, squeezing. "Bucky, it's me," she managed to choke out, her hand flying up to caress his cheek.

 

Tears trickled down her temples into her hairline by the time Bucky snapped out of it. Vision clear and fully conscious, he looked in horror at the beautiful woman crying beneath him and scrambled away.

 

Autumn sat up and coughed, fingers massaging her throat. Her eyes fell on Bucky, hunched over at the foot of the bed, head in his hands. She frowned, knowing full well that he was besting himself up now. She crawled across the bed to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, expecting him to pull away but surprised when he didn't.

 

"My first night here and I've already hurt someone..." he mumbled through tears.

 

"Bucky--"

 

"No. I'm a fucking monster... I hurt you." He looked at his metal appendage in disgust.

 

Autumn was heartbroken. She knew just as much as the others did that he would never have done any of the horrible things the Winter Soldier did on his own free will. But that didn't stop him from constantly blaming himself.

 

She climbed off the bed and knelt down in front of him, taking his hands. "Look at me," she pleaded softly. His gaze traveled from the floor to her face, eyes puffy from crying. "You're not a monster. It was a nightmare, Bucky. And your reaction was perfectly normal for someone who has been through as much shit as you have."

 

Her eyes fell to his metal arm; this was the first time she got a chance to really look at it. Before she could stop herself, her fingertips were running up the length of it and the barely audible word "beautiful" escaped her lips. She gasped softly and stole a glance at his face, finding him staring at her in awe. She smiled and gathered her wits. "I'm gonna do everything I can to help you get your life back, Bucky. I promise. Whatever you need. Anything at all."

 

He chuckled. "Those are some bold words, doll," he mumbled sleepily.

 

She raised herself upward and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hesitated, unsure of what to do, before slowly leaning into her embrace and slinking his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as he could without actually fusing their bodies together.

 

"Times have changed in the past 70 years, Bucky," she whispered possibly a bit too close to his ear, not noticing the shiver that rattled his body. "You'd be surprised at how bold women today can be."

 

She felt his fingers tighten their grip as she pulled away and brushed his hair from his face. She noticed him staring at her neck, where he probably left some bruises. "I'm fine, Bucky. Are you okay?"

 

He nodded, not wanting to worry her by divulging that he was actually a nervous wreck and hardly slept at all.

 

She nodded and stood to leave, when a metal hand reached out and grasped her wrist lightly. "Wait."

 

She turned back to face him and nearly crumbled when she saw the sad and distant look in his big blue eyes. "Will you... Will you stay... Please?"

 

She smiled and nodded, walking to the side of the bed and climbing under the sheet. She watched as he climbed in next to her, just now noticing his beautifully sculpted chest and abs that she suddenly wanted to put her mouth all over. She turned on her side to face him as he did the same, placing his metal hand on her hip and tugging her closer. "Is this okay?" he asked timidly, soft eyes searching for any sign of discomfort.

 

"Yeah," she breathed.

 

Suddenly it all came crashing down. The reality of the situation. The way his fingers drew circles into her hip, how his body ached to be right up against hers, how his chest fluttered in a way it hadn't in decades. He watched as her eyes fluttered shut, the way her breasts rose and fell with her breathing, and that smell... Her shampoo. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and live there forever, but he would have to settle for this for now. He reached up and ever so lightly brushed her hair from her face and shoulder, running his cold metal fingers down her arm and watched her skin erupt in goosebumps as his hand came to rest once again on her hip.

 

Meanwhile Autumn's heart was having a field day with the way he touched her skin. She knew he didn't intentionally hurt her. And she knew he never would. As his breathing evened out, she grew bolder and scooted closer, curling into his chest ( _GOD, his chest_ ) and snaking her arm around his waist, smiling when she felt his breathing hitch. "Goodnight, Bucky."

 

"Sweet dreams, doll."

 

_Sweet dreams indeed._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurumn shows Bucky around the tower and Tony explains his deconditioning plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm on a roll with this one! I hope y'all like the direction I'm taking with Bucky's deconditioning! Please share your thoughts in a comment :D

 

 

 

 

 

Autumn woke up feeling very much like she had hopped headfirst into the mouth of an active volcano. _Fuck, it's hot!_ As she began to stir, she realized she wasn't alone. She turned her head to the side and immediately stopped breathing.

 

There lying next to her was Bucky, eyes closed and mouth slightly ajar, breathing softly but with enough force to cause the strands of hair that fell across his face to wave, with just about half his body draped over hers and acting as a human furnace. She smiled and mused internally that she would love to stay in bed and watch him sleep if he weren't making her sweat buckets.

 

As she tried to magician her way out from underneath him and out of bed, he stirred and tightened his grip around her waist, pulling her right back into his chest. She huffed and blushed profusely, stifling a giggle.

 

"Don't leave," he mumbled, peeking one eye open and smirking at her in a way that made her consider changing her panties when he finally let her go.

 

She craned her neck and glanced up at the clock radio on his bedside table: 8:43 AM. "It's almost nine. Let me go make you some breakfast." She smiled shyly and patted his bicep, signaling for him to release her. He relented after pretending to think about it, but really he just didn't want her to leave his side. _Ever_.

 

He watched as she climbed out of bed and adjusted her tiny shorts as she exited his room, waking up a certain _appendage_ of his that he really didn't want to walk around with standing at attention. He sighed and rolled over onto his back, making a mental note to thank Steve again for bringing him to the tower.

 

As Autumn tiptoed down the hallway, she entered what she assumed to be the empty living room and made her way to the kitchen.

 

"Already sneaking out of Barnes' bedroom, huh?"

 

" _Jesus!_ " Autumn nearly jumped ten feet in the air as she whipped around to find a smirking redhead lounging on the couch with a book in her hand. "Do you have to be so damn sneaky?"

 

"Comes with the career choice," Natasha shrugged. "So, what was that?" she nodded her head in the direction of Bucky's room.

 

If Autumn could turn a deeper shade of red, she would morph into an actual tomato. "N-nothing happened, he... He had a nightmare last night," she stammered as she fumbled with the coffee maker. Before turning toward the fridge, she narrowed her eyes at the Russian suspiciously. "I know you did this, by the way."

 

Nat grinned and shoved her nose back in her book. "I don't know what you're talking about."

 

Autumn rolled her eyes and plucked the carton of eggs from the fridge, along with a pack of thick-cut bacon and shredded cheddar cheese. "Why the sudden urge to play matchmaker?" she called over her shoulder as she whisked several eggs and cheese together.

 

Natasha sighed and closed her book, placing it on the coffee table as she stood and padded into the kitchen. "That wasn't my intention," she admitted, taking the pack of bacon and separating it into the giant frying pan. "Barnes has had a rough life... A really rough life. He needs all the support he can get if he really wants to have anything close to normalcy again." She side-glanced at Autumn, who had stopped whisking and simply stared into the bowl of raw eggs. "This... Whatever you're feeling for him, that's all you."

 

Autumn couldn't hide her smile as she poured the egg mix into another pan. "That obvious, huh?"

 

"What's so obvious?"

 

Autumn froze as Bucky passed the dining table, making no effort to hide his admiring her curves. Natasha winked at Autumn before walking back to the living room, tossing a casual "Barnes" and a nod to Bucky in passing.

 

"There's coffee on the bar," Autumn stated without looking up from her cooking. She listened to the clink of coffee mugs and movement behind her and found a minute to stop stirring as she turned around, leaning against the counter. Bucky stood against the opposite counter, coffee mug in his flesh hand and metal hand against the bar, looking like he was ready to spend a day at the gym: sinfully tight black tank top, sweats hung low on his hips, hair tied back in a small bun at the base of his skull, steel gaze locked intently on her.

 

"Need any help?" he asked between sips.

 

Autumn shook her head and lowered her eyes to the floor. "I got it, thanks," she breathed, brushing long strands of hair behind her ears before spinning back around to tend to the food. Assessing that everything was ready, she began scooping eggs and bacon onto plates as the aroma dragged Steve out of bed.

 

"Morning," he chirped as he poured himself some coffee and proceeded to the table after being handed a plate.

 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., will you let everyone else know I have breakfast ready?" Autumn called out to the ceiling.

 

"Certainly, Ms. Rivers," the AI replied.

 

"Do we _have_ to share?" Steve joked through a mouthful of eggs.

 

Autumn chuckled as she filled two more plates and headed for the table, catching Bucky's attention and nodding for him to follow her.

 

"So, aside from giving Buck the grand tour, what else is on the agenda today?" Steve asked, glancing over the top of his newspaper.

 

"More paper pushing, I imagine," Autumn grumbled, redting her chin on the heel of her hand as she played with her food.

 

"Actually, I have a new job for you," Tony chimed in as he strutted out of the elevator, already sharply dressed in a blue and gray pinstriped suit and tie. "More of a promotion, really."

 

Autumn choked on her coffee. "A promotion..." she parroted after clearing her windpipe.

 

"Yep! I'd like you t--"

 

" _Lady Autumn!_ " Thor bellowed as he exited the elevator, startling everyone. "I smelled the delicious aroma from my room and I must say, it has made me quite hungry. Your cooking is delightful!" He strode right up to Autumn and picked her up out of her chair, hugging her a little too tightly, totally oblivious to Bucky clenching his jaw and bending his fork nearly in half.

 

"Th-thanks, Thor," Autumn gasped as she was set back down.

 

"As I was saying," Tony deadpanned, "my event coordinator has suddenly dropped off the face of the earth, so I'd like you to fill in for her. Shouldn't be too taxing for you."

 

Autumn blinked, not sure of what to say. Tony laughed and returned to eating. "No need to hurt yourself thinking it over, kid. Just let me know by the end of today."

 

She finished her food in a haze and ran off to put on some clothes while trying to come up with any reason why Tony would want her to be his event planner. She had no experience in that position. She did, however, know how to throw a mean dinner party. She pulled on her favorite pair of skinny jeans, a tank top, and her chunky black boots and hurriedly brushed her teeth before grabbing her phone and cigarettes and heading back out into the living room.

 

Most everyone had eaten and been on their way, save for Steve and Bucky. Steve had offered to clean up the dining area while Bucky went and changed into some jeans and a plain black t-shirt that looked like it might rip into shreds if he flexed even slightly.

 

She zoned out while staring shamelessly until she was snapped out of it by Bucky appearing directly in front of her. "You okay, doll?" he asked with a smirk.

 

"Y-yeah, follow me," she led him to the elevator and turned to face him. "Why don't you ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to take us somewhere," she suggested.

 

He looked at her thoroughly confused before turning his gaze to the elevator ceiling. "Uhh, F.R.I.D.A.Y., is... There a training area here?"

 

"Certainly, Sergeant Barnes. Allow me to show you to the gym floor." And with that, the elevator began to move. Autumn beamed at Bucky, earning a smile in return. When the elevator stopped, they stepped out into a lobby-looking area with the gigantic training room just on the other side of a glass wall.

 

"So, here's the gym," she gestured to the enormous open area as they walked through the glass doors. To Bucky, he had walked into heaven, immediately deciding that he would be spending vast amounts of time here. "Do you wanna stick around for a minute or...?"

 

He did a once-over of all the equipment and shook his head. "I'll just come back later."

 

After spending an hour or so showing him which floors were what, they ended up outside on the grounds. There was a small park area with lush green grass and a few trees here and there, Pepper's personal request.

 

"So is it weird... Being here in New York after so many years?" Autumn asked hesitantly, watching her steps.

 

"A little..." he admitted, observing the surrounding buildings. "Not much I can do about it, though."

 

She nodded, not really sure what to say but acknowledging that she was listening. They stopped under one of the bigger trees and Autumn plopped down on a cushy section of grass.

 

"Are you from here?" Bucky questioned as he sat next to her, becoming entranced at the way her hair moved with the summer breeze.

 

She shook her head, her full lips forming a thin line. "I'm actually from Texas. My parents brought me and my sister here when I was small... Too small to remember. I was only six when..." She swallowed hard, blinking away the tears forming behind her eyes. "...when they were... Killed." Her brow furrowed as she turned away from him, not wanting him to see her so vulnerable.

 

"I'm sorry," he all but whispered, placing his flesh hand over hers on the grass. "I didn't mean to--"

 

She waved him off with her free hand. "No, don't apologise. I should really have an outlet for this shit, actually." She yanked her pack of menthols from her jeans pocket and pulled a cigarette and a small lighter from the box, placing the single between her lips and lighting it. She gazed up at the puffy clouds as she exhaled, oblivious to Bucky's staring. He found her smoking undeniably sexy.

 

"Could I have one of those?" he asked sheepishly. She smiled and pulled another single from the box, placing it between his lips and lighting it for him. His heart pounded in his chest when her fingers brushed his lips ever so slightly, causing them to tingle, and he began to wonder how his lips would feel against much more sensitive parts of her body.

 

The sound of her voice broke his train of thought. "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" she asked, her head tilted to one side as she side-eyed him.

 

He racked his brain for any memory of himself smoking, but found none. "I don't know... This may be my first one," he shrugged.

 

"Strange, you look so natural holding a cigarette," she watched him as he took another drag, held it for a beat, and exhaled through his nose. "Yeah, you've definitely smoked before," she decided as she continued to observe his mannerisms. "Nasty habit. I've tried quitting, but..." She shrugged and took a drag as she averted her gaze.

 

They fell into a comfortable silence for several minutes, simply enjoying the breeze and each other's company. She hadn't noticed him watching her, and part of him wanted her to. He wasn't blind to the way she acted around him. How she constantly found herself staring and then blushed furiously when he noticed, or how he rendered her a trembling, speechless wreck on several occasions and he hadn't even been there 24 hours. But he wouldn't push her or force her into anything. No, he wasn't that kind of man. Hell, he was nearing 100 years old. He knew how to be patient. He wanted to take his time getting to know her. All he had nowadays was time.

 

"Do you ever think about going back?" he asked timidly.

 

She shrugged. "Why would I? I don't have any relatives there... At all, really. My sister is studying abroad. All I have now is here," she gestured toward the tower.

 

I could be a part of that, he thought. He decided to take the conversation in a different direction. "Don't you think about... I don't know, getting away? Traveling?"

 

"Are you suggesting asking Stark for vacation time?" she scoffed, putting her cigarette out on the bottom of her boot and tossing it over her shoulder.

 

"Why not?"

 

She shook her head. "Not enough time. Not with all the shit he gets the Avengers into."

 

"Where would you like to go?" he pressed, scooting closer to her side and then leaning back on his hands.

 

"I don't know... Paris. Rome, Santorini, Australia... Anywhere." He made a mental note of her list just as her phone chirped, signaling a message. "Steve's looking for you. Shall we?"

 

He shot to his feet like lightning and offered her his hand, pulling her up. They ventured back inside the tower and stepped into the elevator, requesting their living floor. As they entered their living area, they spotted Steve sitting with Natasha on the couch waiting for them.

 

"Brought him back safe and sound just for you, Cap," Autumn quipped with a wink, causing both Natasha and Bucky to snort simultaneously. "Am I hogging your bff, Steven? Because I can totally go find something else to do if y'all wanna have girltalk and catch up." She bit her lip to stifle an eruption of laughter, but it ended up bursting out anyway due to Nat's snickering behind Steve.

 

Steve rolled his eyes dramatically and elbowed Bucky in the ribs when he started chuckling. "Actually, Stark wanted to see him down in the lab."

 

Bucky eyed him nervously, having absolutely no clue as to what was about to happen. He didn't like the word "lab"; for obvious reasons, it just made him feel uneasy. This didn't go unnoticed by Steve or Autumn. "Hey," Steve began with a clap of his hand to Bucky's shoulder, "they just want to go over some things. No need to worry, pal."

 

Bucky nodded, brow furrowed and eyes downcast.

 

"Do you want me to go with you?" Autumn asked quietly, voice trembling with nervousness.

 

Bucky shook his head slowly. "I'll be okay," he assured her with a small smile.

 

She nodded, understanding that some things he needed to do on his own. "If you need me, just ask F.R.I.D.A.Y."

 

As the two super soldiers entered the elevator, she couldn't help but watch him go. She knew Tony must want to discuss his deconditioning procedure and that it probably wouldn't be a pleasant experience. Her heart ached for him. She needed a distraction.

 

"Hey Nat," she called, turning her head toward the couch. "Wanna hit the gym?"

 

Nat shrugged, setting her book down and standing up. "The day is still young."

 

***************************************

 

"How long have you known Autumn?" Bucky asked Steve as they rode the elevator down to Tony's lab.

 

Steve smiled knowingly. "Pretty much since SHIELD thawed me out. Tony hired her around that time."

 

Bucky remained silent, mulling over Steve's answer. They knew each other even before the Battle of New York; she could have had him. Why not? Shaking that thought from his frazzled mind, another question itched the tip of his tongue. "What does she like?"

 

"You know you could just ask her yourself," Steve chuckled, raising an eyebrow as he side-eyed Bucky. Finding confusion and a bit of fear in his friend's eyes, however, compelled him to be as honest as possible. "Ahh... She loves to cook. Whether she's only cooking for herself, or everyone, she's right at home in the kitchen." He grimaced at his last statement. "That was incredibly sexist..." He glanced at Bucky to find him smiling. "She also writes, and she's a pretty good artist. She loves music... All kinds."

 

Bucky's insides began to warm, learning new things about her. He couldn't hide the smile that seemed to grow bigger and bigger across his stubbled face.

 

"You know," Steve continued as the elevator doors opened to a long corridor, "I'm sure if you just asked her out, she'd say yes."

 

The smile faded from Bucky's face as he stared at the moving floor while they walked. "I'd probably just end up hurting her... Again..."

 

Steve glanced at him questioningly. "Again? She seems fine to me. You can't let fear control you, Buck. That's what we're going to fix for you." They finally reached the doors to the lab, coming to a stop outside. "She really is a nice girl."

 

Bucky nodded, his memory going back to the night before, holding her, the scent of her hair...

 

"You ready, Buck?"

 

"Yeah. What have I got to lose?"

 

"Well, there's a pretty girl upstairs who I'm sure would love to see your suffering come to an end."

 

Bucky nodded. "Good point." Steve pressed the button on the doorframe and watched as the doors slid open, allowing them entry.

 

As they entered the lab, Tony popped out from behind a giant cabinet. "Welcome to my crazy scientist laboratory, muahahahaha..." The two super soldiers eyed him suspiciously, causing him to cut his evil laugh short. "Hmm. Tough crowd. Alright, have a seat." He motioned to a few chairs he had rounded up, one of them occupied by Wanda Maximoff, who smiled at them softly.

 

"I remember you," Bucky remarked as he took a seat across from her.

 

She nodded and opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off by Tony. "We'll get to her part in this in a minute. First, I want to show you something."

 

He opened a box and pulled out a strange-looking pair of glasses. "This neat little device is what we'll be using to tap into that messed up head of yours."

 

He handed it to Bucky, who looked utterly confused. "Don't worry, it's perfectly safe. Worked out all the kinks and even sent it through human trials. That is what I have so appropriately called my Binarily Augmented Retro Framing tool. Or BARF for short. Still need to work on that name."

 

Bucky raised an eyebrow and handed it back. "What does it do?" he asked curiously.

 

"In layman's terms, you'll put it on and it hijacks your brain, locates traumatizing memories, and makes them not traumatizing anymore by either altering the details of said memory or erasing it altogether. It's a hell of a lot more gentle than that crazy chair Hydra kept sticking you in."

 

"And it's safe?" Steve chimed in, understandably worried about any possible side effects.

 

"It might be a tad unpleasant at first, but you'll thank me in the long run. You'll probably be triggered a few times, but that's why we'll have Wanda here. If things get a little crazy, she'll be able to tap into your mind and calm you down."

 

Bucky looked at Steve. "Didn't Natasha say he had a team of top scientists? No offense," he added as he glanced at Wanda.

 

"None taken," she waved.

 

Tony raised a finger to interject. "If I may... Yeah, that's us. Obviously Banner wasn't an option because he's still M.I.A. and that Strange guy is even tougher to track down now that he's basically all-knowing."

 

The room fell silent for a minute while Bucky digested this information. Naturally, he was worried about being triggered and possibly hurting someone, but if Tony was being honest about his invention, he could be rid of the Winter Soldier forever and finally live as normal a life as he could, still being a super soldier. 

 

Tony picked up on his silent turmoil. "Look Barnes, I totally understand if--"

 

"No... No, I want to do this."

 

"Are you sure, Buck?" Steve asked, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You heard the risks..."

 

Bucky nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure. I want this fucker gone."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF FEELS AND FLUFF AND THINGS HAPPEN!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness, I'm REALLY enjoying writing this story! I hope y'all are enjoying it so far :D comments are most welcome! <3

 

 

 

 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., where's Autumn?" Bucky asked as he squeezed through the elevator doors before they'd opened completely, having sped up and left Steve behind and not bothering to hold the doors for him.

 

"Ms. Rivers is currently in the gym. Would you like me to notify her that you are looking for her?"

 

"No, that's okay. I'll go to her." He tried but failed to wipe his one sweaty palm on his jeans and nearly crushed the handlebar with his metal hand. _Why the fuck am I so jittery?_

 

"Certainly, Sergeant Barnes." The elevator began to move and Bucky grew more antsy by the minute.  He recalled vague memories of going dancing with dames in the 40s but couldn't remember ever being as nervous as Autumn made him now, and he barely knew her. Of course, a portion of it was having been informed of Tony's deconditioning plan and the possible risks, but the possibility of him regaining complete free will and building a life of his own, and sharing it with someone... With _her_...

 

The elevator came to a stop at the training room and he damn near pried the doors open himself, he was in such a rush. He took two long strides and if he had stopped any more suddenly one might have heard the sound of tires screeching. The sight before him would be engraved in his psyche forever; even Hydra couldn't erase this memory.

 

Inside the gym, all alone, was Autumn, wearing short shorts and a skin-tight tank top, hair up in a messy bun, and she was... Well, Bucky had no idea what the hell she was doing, but it was the hottest fucking thing he had ever laid eyes on. If he had to guess, he would assume it was some sort of martial arts. The way her body twisted as she jumped and spun across the room and how her taut legs sliced through the air; he had never seen such a flawless body. His eyes grew ever wider as they remained glued to her form and his jaw began to ache from how far it dropped. His gaze followed her as she flew backward and landed on her hands, folding her body nearly in half before launching forward and landing on her bare feet, sending herself into a series of flips and twists as she flew gracefully yet dangerously back across the room.

 

He slowly and quietly entered the room, well aware that she had headphones on and tried his best not to startle her and in turn cause her to hurt herself. He made it about five feet behind her when she whipped around, leg straight out and high in the air as her heel nearly slammed right into his jaw. Lucky for him, he had lightning reflexes and threw his flesh hand up to catch her foot just inches before impact.

 

"Shit," she gasped as she yanked her earbuds from her ears just after Bucky released her foot. "Sorry, I was in the zone," she panted, heading to the weight bench where she had draped a towel.

 

"What... Exactly was that?" Bucky asked, still in complete awe and unable to tear his gaze from her perfect thighs.

 

"Capoeira," she replied, dabbing sweat from her face and neck, not intending to make a show of it but Bucky just couldn't help himself. He tried to mask his shameless stare with a look of confusion, which she caught on to. "It's a Brazilian martial arts mixed with dancing. I picked it up a few years ago."

 

"That was..." _Amazing. Beautiful. Perfect._ "...interesting," he cringed at his own choice of terminology. "I like it."

 

She smiled bashfully as she made her way to the showers with Bucky in tow. "So how did it go?" she called over her shoulder before stopping in the locker room doorway and turning around to face him. He furrowed his brow, drawing a giggle from her that sounded like jingle bells to his ears. "Your talk, with Tony?"

 

"Oh, right. That... Good, I think. He seems to know what he's talking about... And he thinks he can help me."

 

She grinned widely and clasped her hands together. "Great! This calls for some kind of celebration..." she touched a couple fingers to her chin, contemplating their options.

 

"We could... Cook something?" he suggested sheepishly.

 

"That sounds great! What do you like to eat?"

 

"I think I used to like Italian food a lot... Spaghetti?" he shrugged.

 

"I have a better idea. We'll talk sbout it in a bit." They smiled at each other but Bucky made no move to leave, still entranced by the light sheen of sweat that he ached to lick from her body. She chuckled and wagged her thumb behind her. "I'm gonna... Shower now..."

 

"Oh. Yeah. Right... I'll just... Go..." he fumbled over his words as he backed away while she wiggled her fingers at him and turned to enter the showers. He spun around and let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, stupid grin plastered on his face.

 

He threw the glass doors open and punched the elevator button, rocking on his heels. The elevator doors slid open, revealing Steve already present inside.

 

Laughing at his friend's shiteating grin, he asked, "So I'm guessing it went well?"

 

"Yeah," Bucky answered dreamily as he stepped inside. "We're having dinner tonight. Here."

 

"That's great, Buck," Steve exclaimed with a clap to Bucky's back. "You want me to keep the herd out for you?"

 

"Would you?" Bucky asked warily. He wasn't sure how Tony would take to being barred from any part of his own tower, but he desperately wanted to be alone with Autumn.

 

"You got it, pal. You of all people deserve to be happy."

 

Bucky smiled softly. "Thanks, Steve."

 

The elevator reached their apartment floor and they entered to find Natasha and Clint watching tv. Steve raised an eyebrow as he side-eyed Bucky. "I'll take care of these guys, you go get ready for your date."

 

Bucky nodded and nearly took off running.

 

***************************************

 

Autumn was normally a nervous person with such terrible social anxiety that she rarely left the tower; tonight was no exception. She was nearly in tears after thumbing through her entire wardrobe five times looking for something to wear and she wasn't even going anywhere.

 

"I don't fucking know," she cried as she collapsed on her bed next to Wanda, who stuck around for moral support.

 

"Let me have a look," she stood and approached the closet, sifting through with her powers before landing on something she considered first date material. "What about this?" She pulled out a long royal purple blouse that could almost double as a dress, paired with some black tights. "You don't want to look too formal for a first date. This is perfect. Just throw on some jewelry and your boots, you're good. He's gonna like you regardless of what you wear anyway."

 

Autumn cocked her head to one side as she examined the outfit. "You think so?"

 

Wanda chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Autumn, you could wear a potato sack and he would still think you're beautiful."

 

Autumn guffawed as she took the outfit and began changing. "I hope you're right."

 

"I'm gonna go find Vis," Wanda declared, making her way to the door, whispering a quick "good luck" before ducking out.

 

Autumn sighed, observing herself in the mirror as she applied her usual smokey eye makeup and let her wavy hair fall down her back and shoulders. "Well, here goes something."

 

She headed to the kitchen and began yanking giant shell pasta and various ingredients from the pantry. _Good thing I'm already prepared._

 

As she cooked the ground beef and mixed in her spices and cheese, Bucky made his grand appearance, dressed more sharply in a pair of tight black jeans and a matching black button-down, his hair pulled back into a small bun. Autumn looked up from her stirring and couldn't hide the blush that crept across her cheeks. _How is it humanly possible to be that breathtakingly beautiful?_

 

He stepped around the bar and stood a few feet from where she stood at the stove. His breath hitched as he tried to find his voice. "Hey," was all he could muster, rubbing the base of his neck nervously.

 

"Hey back," she smiled as she nearly sloshed the mix out of the pan.

 

"You look really nice," he mumbled, smiling sheepishly.

 

"Thank you," she beamed, her blush deepening as she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "You clean up pretty nicely yourself."

"Could I help with something?" he looked around the kitchen expectantly, searching for anything to occupy his hands.

 

"Actually, would you mind opening the wine?" she set her wooden spoon down and stepped to the opposite counter,  picking up a large bottle of dark red wine and holding it out to him. "As often as I work out, I can never seem to pull a damn cork out."

 

He grinned and took the bottle in his flesh hand, screwing down the corkscrew that she had started and yanking the cork out as if it was a feather.

 

"Excellent!" she squeaked, going to the cabinet and pulling down two wine glasses. "Do you drink?"

 

"I actually can't get drunk, but I'll have some."

 

"Oh yeah, pesky serum," she grumbled, pouring generous amounts into both glasses. "Uhh, the stuffing is about ready, if you wanna help me fill these shells," she gestured to the gigantic pasta shells that had been cooling on the bar.

 

He nodded and sidled up next to her, watching her every move. He thought her dinner choice looked rather complicated; he never would have thought of stuffed pasta. It sure did smell amazing, though.

 

"So did someone teach you to cook or..." Bucky trailed off before taking a sip of wine. It wasn't the best tasting wine, but he didn't want to be rude.

 

"Self-taught," she replied quickly with a grin.

 

"Wow. Well, it smells great."

 

"Alright, here's the stuffing," she poured it into a big plastic bowl and slid the bowl down the counter to sit next to the shells. "You might have an easier time with that, actually. Less chance of burning yourself," she motioned to his metal hand.

 

He nodded and began spooning stuffing into the flimsy shells while she cooked the sauce. By the time she finished, so had he with the shells. "Holy crap, you're fast!" she said as she gingerly picked up each shell and placed it in a casserole dish, then poured the sauce over them. "Dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes!" She placed the dish in the oven and started a timer, spinning on her toes to find Bucky watching her with soft eyes.

 

"Shall we... Sit and talk?" he asked, voice trembling slightly as he took his wine glass in his flesh hand and held out his metal hand for her to take.

 

She smiled and placed her hand in his, following him to the smaller couch that someone had turned to face the wall of windows. "I love the city at night," she mused, sitting down at one end as Bucky took a seat closer to her than the opposite end. "Everything is so sparkly and beautiful."

 

"Yeah," he agreed, laying his arm across the back of the couch and revelling in the way she shivered when he barely brushed a bit of exposed flesh at the nape of her neck. His enhanced hearing picked up on her quickened breathing and mistook it for him making her uncomfortable; he was about to withdraw his hand until she scooted closer and turned her body toward him.

 

"So what part of the city are you from originally?" she asked, making every attempt to avoid awkward silence.

 

"Brooklyn. Both Steve and I are from Brooklyn." He couldn't stop himself from becoming entranced by the way her green eyes suddenly grew brighter and shimmered in the light from the city. He hadn't even noticed the soft music that floated on the air around them until it made him feel like he was in a movie... Perhaps a romance movie, a part where the starring couple prepared to share a passionate kiss.

 

She had initially been staring into her glass, but she took a long sip and moved her gaze to Bucky's face and found him staring at her. It wasn't a creepy leery stare, she knew that much, because she looked right through those crystal orbs of his and saw pure emotion. Affection, geniune interest, desire. Love? Surely not. She was never the girl that men pined after. She was the last resort, the feeble attempt at a quick fuck after a cheap date.

 

But the way he looked at her and nervously chewed his bottom lip made her heart pound relentlessly in her chest and at that point she would do _anything_ for him.

 

Before she could even consider stopping herself, she was leaning toward him ever so slowly, never breaking eye contact.

 

His eyes widened, mild panic setting in. They hadn't even eaten yet, were they already moving too fast? Her hand landing softly over his thigh nearly sent his self-control flying out the window. His hands flew up, metal one grasping her waist and flesh one wound around the back of her neck beneath her hair, but he dare not pull her closer. He waited for her.

 

But he didn't have to wait. She leaned in further still, their lips just centimeters apart. "James," she breathed as her eyes fluttered shut, placing her other hand on his chest and fisting it into his shirt. He leaned in to close the gap, invisible electricity arcing between them, and...

 

The fucking timer went off, startling them both. They jumped apart and laughed nervously. "I'll just--I... I should get that..." she stammered, unable to decide whether to laugh more or run away sobbing. She hurried to the oven to tend to the food while Bucky remained on the couch, trying to calm his nerves and the unbearable strain of his jeans.

 

"Looks like it's ready," she called as she carried the dish to the table and turned back to fetch the wine. He raked his flesh hand down his face and sighed heavily before grabbing both their glasses and heading for the table.

 

He took one look at the food and immediately began salivating. Not only did it smell delicious, but it looked professionally made. "Shit, this is probably the best looking food I've ever seen," he said, chuckling softly as he placed her wine glass next to her plate.

 

"Really?" she beamed, blushing furiously all over again as she sat down. "I've actually never made this dish before, so I wouldn't blame you if you hated it."

 

"I seriously doubt I'll hate it, doll."

 

She loved hearing him call her that. Hell, she couldn't think of a single thing she didn't like about him. She turned cherry red all the way to the tips of her ears as she giggled nervously and damn near filled her wine glass, downing about half of it at once. She fumbled with the giant spoon as she served him, then herself.

 

She held her breath and waited for him to try it before trying it herself, watching intently as he smirked at her and took his first bite. His eyes fell closed as he moaned. "Oh my God, this is amazing," he mumbled between chewing.

 

Autumn's lips curled up into a wide Cheshire grin as she dug into her food and they fell into silence as they ate. Several minutes passed as they enjoyed their meal and Autumn consumed a bit more wine than she had planned.

 

Bucky placed his fork across his empty plate and leaned back in his chair, full and content. "You should cook professionally," he suggested.

 

"Well, with this promotion from Tony, I might actually be able to," she mused as she stood to take their plates to the sink, but he beat her to the punch.

 

"I'll take these, you go sit," he purred a little bit more sensually than he meant to.

 

She bit her lip and nodded, picking up her full-again glass and sauntered into the living room, unaware that Bucky was watching her from the kitchen. Her hips swayed a bit more pronounced when she was tipsy, he noted.

 

Rather than sit, she stood at the giant wall of windows, gazing out over the sparkling city and sighing. She had been feeling the warmth of the wine coursing through her for a while now, but she continued sipping on it anyway.

 

She heard footsteps behind her and sighed when she felt cool metal brush her hair over one shoulder, exposing her neck. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Bucky whispered hoarsely against the shell of her ear, sending shockwaves rumbling through her.

 

Suddenly she couldn't form a coherent thought, simply tilting her head to present more skin to him and uttering a small sound of pleasure when he grazed his lips across her jawline causing her eyes to flutter shut. He wound his arm around her, taking her glass and setting it on the table before she dropped it, then bringing it back to curl his long fingers around her waist. His metal hand found her chin, turning her face towards his as he peppered soft kisses along her cheek.

 

"I've wanted this since the moment I saw you," he admitted softly, his pulse pounding in his ears and causing them to ring. His last statement acted as  a switch for Autumn, prompting her to spin in his arms and stand on her tiptoes, crashing her lips to his. His hands found her waist again and held on for dear life as a tempest of emotions drowned them both.

 

She reached up and pulled his hair free from the bun, tangling her fingers in it and pressing her body into his. She moaned against his mouth and Bucky took advantage of the opportunity, bringing his flesh hand to her face and tilting it to deepen the kiss. She moaned louder and may as well have turned to putty in his hands. She had never wanted anyone so badly.

 

As their tongues danced and slid against each other, she grew bolder and pushed him back until he fell to a sitting position on the couch. His eyes popped open when they separated, pupils blown wide with lust. She looked down at him and bit her lip as she straddled his lap and glued her lips to his once again with more ferver. He growled into her mouth as she began to grind her hips into his, creating the most beautiful friction. When she reached between them to begin working the buttons of his shirt undone, he grasped her wrists. "Wait..." he panted against her mouth, pulling back and looking deep into her bright green eyes. "You're drunk... I don't want to take advantage of you, doll... S'not right."

 

Such a gentleman. She smiled and reluctantly agreed. "Even though you kind of started it," she purred as she ran her fingertips down his jawline teasingly. She then leaned in and grazed his ear with her lips, "Some other time then, soldier," ending her statement with a nip to his earlobe.

 

He groaned loudly and bucked his hips as he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her back to face him. "Foul temptress," he hissed through gritted teeth before kissing her again, making her head spin. He broke the kiss and ran his hands down her arms soothingly. "Why don't we... Put on a movie or something, see if we can't diffuse some of this thick sexual tension before I do something I'll regret?" He patted her thighs, signaling her to move.

 

"Despite the fact that I would have no regrets whatsoever," she cooed as she climbed off of him and stumbled over to the movie shelf to pick something.

Settling on Star Wars: A New Hope, she popped the dvd into the player and bounced back to the couch, plopping down into Bucky's arms. He loved the way she felt wrapped in his arms and how she made him feel. Smiling widely, he leaned down and kissed her hair, pulling her snugly to his chest. He could get used to this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's first attempt at deconditioning and more cuteness with Autumn, aaaand some surprise steaminess at the end ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I hope everyone's Christmas was super :D mine definitely was, hubby got me a badass Winter Soldier hoodie that I LOOOOOVEE IT'S SO AWESOME!!! To see it you can check out the Seb fandom instagram account that I admin @justanotherwinterschild :) now! I left this chapter at a bit of a cliffhanger because it was already getting long, but not to worry! The next chapter will be EXACTLY what y'all were hoping to see at the end of this one. You'll see what I mean. ;)

 

 

Deep inside the tower on an unusually boiling hot Tuesday afternoon, four Avengers gathered in Tony's lab. Bucky lay on what closely resembled a hospital bed, wearing Tony's BARF device and sweating buckets while Tony and Wanda sat nearby and Steve stood back as an observer.

 

"Try to remember the earliest memory you have of being programmed," Tony instructed.

 

Bucky nodded slowly, trying his best not to panic and dwell too much on the thought of being triggered and ultimately slaughtering everyone in the room.   _Thank God I told Autumn to stay upstairs._

 

"Alright, you ready?" Tony asked, stepping closer.

 

"No, but it's now or never I guess," Bucky mumbled.

 

Tony nodded solemnly and switched on the device. Soon Bucky's surroundings were swirling into nothing and he was suddenly somewhere else entirely.

 

He sat in front of a group of Hydra officers muttering to each other in Russian, but he couldn't understand them. _What? I'm fluent in Russian, why can't I tell what they're saying?_

 

They kept glancing over to him and every now and then one of them would shout some nonsensical gibberish. Eventually, two men who appeared to be doctors approached him and shoved him backward into the back of the chair. That was when it all came flooding back.

 

"Time to start following orders, soldier," one of them sneered in Russian as the arm cuffs closed around his wrists. _Oh God, not again._

 

"No... Please stop," Bucky begged, the sting of tears forming behind his eyes.

 

"No amount of begging will save you," the other doctor laughed.

 

His left shoulder burned with excruciating pain, like it had just been seared. He tried to turn his head but the headpiece attached to the chair had already been lowered.

 

The machine fired up. Bucky stuggled against his restraints, but to no avail. " _STOP_!" he screamed, but the officers only laughed harder.

 

" _Longing, rusted, seventeen,_ " the doctor to his left began as the machine sent bolts of lightning through his head.

 

He gripped the arms of the chair so intensely that they crumbled under his grasp.

 

"Calm down, Buck," a distant voice called to him. _Steve?_

 

He was suddenly seeing everything through a hazy red hue. He looked down and was no longer in the chair, but sitting up on the bed in the lab, chest heaving and gripping the sides of the bed. His head cleared and he was back.

 

"Okay, good warmup," Tony acknowledged slowly as he took a couple steps backward. Wanda lowered her hands and the red disappeared. "We might want to use some kind of restraint next time."

 

"Tony, I don't think--" Steve began, but his mouth closed when Bucky turned to look at him.

 

"He's right... I almost turned into _him_. I don't want to hurt anyone."

 

Steve pursed his lips and nodded.

 

"Why don't we pick this back up tomorrow?" Tony asked as he took the device from Bucky and set it aside.

 

Everyone muttered a collective affirmative as they shuffled to the door to leave. Bucky lagged behind, still in somewhat of a daze and shocked that it was still that easy to trigger the Winter Soldier.

 

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, chuckling nervously when he realized it was Steve. "I feel pretty hopeless," he sighed.

 

"Just give it time, Buck," Steve tried to reassure him as they approached the elevator. "Who knows how long this will take? But Tony is pretty confident that it'll work."

 

Bucky shrugged almost nonchalantly, stepping into the elevator. "Residential floor two," he said to the ceiling, swaying slightly when the elevator began to move.

 

"So how did last night go?" Steve asked, grinning knowingly when Bucky cracked a small smirk. "As expected, I'm guessing."

 

"It's weird," Bucky mused wistfully, eyes growing hazy. "I remember going dancing and to the fun fair, but this is... She's--"

 

"Different," Steve finished for him. "Times have changed, Buck." They stepped off the elevator onto their floor. "Maybe she's exactly what you need right now."

 

"Just right now?" Bucky quipped, side-eyeing him.

 

"Don't wanna get too ahead of yourself, pal," Steve chuckled.

 

They wandered into the living room to find it empty. "Where is everyone?" Bucky wondered out loud.

 

"Sam and Clint are on a mission in Algeria," Steve answered. "Not sure about the others."

 

Bucky strode to Autumn's door and knocked lightly. No answer. "Autumn?" Nothing. Puzzled, he marched back to the elevator. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., take me to the gym please," he requested as he stepped inside.

 

"Right away, Sergeant Barnes."

 

He wrung his hands together as he descended down the elevator shaft, worrying unnecessarily. He figured this would happen until his deconditioning was complete and Hydra was officially wiped off the face of the earth.

 

The elevator stopped at the training roomg and Bucky clamored off, power-walking thrugh the gym doors only to find Natasha beating the shit out of a SHIELD trainee. She called a time-out when Bucky entered her peripheral vision.

 

"Wanna take over, Barnes?" she asked slyly, cocking an eyebrow as she planted a hand firmly on her hip.

 

"I'm not here to train," Bucky drawled, inspecting every corner of the large room.

 

"I see. She's not here."

 

Bucky sighed in defeat. "Do you know where she is?"

 

"Probably in her office, Stark has her planning her first event." She swiftly turned on her heels and sent a punch flying to the unsuspecting trainee's ribcage, effectively knocking the wind out of him right before he sent himself flailing toward her, only to fall flat on his face. "Try harder."

 

Bucky rolled his eyes and left. Eventually after wandering around three of the business floors, he found her tucked away in a corner office, talking heatedly on the phone to someone and looking rather frazzled. He stopped in the doorway and folded his arms over his chest, leaning against the frame and smiling as he observed her.

 

She had her hair pulled back into a tight bun that quite honestly looked almost too tight to him, held in place by two pencils as she tried to get a single sentence in to whoever kept interrupting her on the other line. Her glasses kept sliding slowly down her nose, prompting her to shove them back every few minutes.

 

"Look, I just need a definite answer, because Mr. Stark's gala is this weekend and--no, I'm trying to explain tha--yes, but... NO, I placed a rush on the chairs..." She smacked her palm to her forehead and slid down in her office chair, exasperated and looking thoroughly at the end of her rope. She glanced up and spotted Bucky, face immediately lighting up as she silently waved him in and made a certain hand gesture that eluded to blowing her brains out, drawing a light chuckle from Bucky.

 

"Okay... Okay... Great, thank you so much, you've been a big help," she sugarcoated her last few words to sound incredibly sarcastic before slamming the phone down and heaving a huge sigh.

 

"Having fun?" Bucky asked as he took a seat in the guest chair, highly amused.

 

"Oh yes, loads," she deadpanned as she scowled up at him. "This new job is a lot more... Hectic than I ever thought it would be."

 

He nodded as he took in all of her things she had sitting around her office, from her two small shelves of books, to her family photos placed in rather random places to simply fill an empty space, to the collection of tiny snowglobes that littered her desk. One in particular caught his eye and he picked it up, turning it in his hand gingerly as he inspected it. It contained a tiny replica of the Eiffel Tower and read on the base "PARIS".

 

"Nat gets me those when she goes on missions," Autumn declared proudly.

 

He smiled and set it back in its place. His fingers fiddled with the hem of his shirt as he stared at his lap before he finally spoke. "I... Wanted to apologise for last night. I shouldn't have--I mean I didn't mean t--"

 

"You're apologising?" Autumn said incredulously. A man apologising to her for what, not forcing himself on her?!

 

He stole a glance at her and found her staring wide-eyed and brows knitted together, looking almost offended. Nonetheless, he nodded. "You had been drinking. I shouldn't have kissed you."

 

Autumn barked out a laugh before slapping a small hand to her mouth when Bucky looked utterly confused. "I'm not laughing at you, it's just--well, I'm just not used to men being so... Chivalrous, I guess?"

 

Bucky's look of confusion never faltered, but he didn't question her. Another story for another time.

 

"You don't need to be sorry, Bucky," she continued as she waved off his apology. "I had a great time." She flashed him that beautiful little bashful smile as her cheeks flushed. She cleared her throat and shoved her glasses back up the bridge of her nose, suddenly feeling very shy. "Was there something you needed?"

 

Bucky smirked and once again stared at his lap. God, she's adorable. "Well yes, I wanted to take you to dinner, I mean if you want to go--not that you have to, we could stay here--"

 

"I'd love to," she chirped, cutting off his rambling and giggling softly when his head shot up, eyes wide with surprise.

 

"Really? I mean, great. Uhh... Are you free tonight?"

 

"Assuming I can get this mountain of paperwork done by 5, then yes," she beamed. "It's..." she glanced at her watch: 2:43pm. "almost 3. I'll try to get this done and see you upstairs?"

 

Bucky grinned widely and nodded as he stood to leave. "Don't keep me waitin' too long, doll," he drawled as he backed toward the door and ducked out.

 

Autumn's blush creeped up to her ears at his usage of petnames. As she shook it off and went back to tackling her mountain of paperwork, Tony made an appearance.

 

"Hot date tonight?" he asked as he poked his head in the door, startling Autumn.

 

"Christ on a cracker, Tony!" she gasped, clutching her chest.

 

Tony tossed his head back and laughed as he fully entered her office. "Sorry, kid. It just tickles me pink that you're so damn jumpy, it's cute. Just wait til Barnes starts sneaking up on ya, he's the quietest fucker I've ever met. Like a damn ninja."

 

"Did you need something?" Autumn deadpanned as she glared daggers at his stupid smiling face.

 

"Nope, just being nosy. So, you two seem to be getting along better than I expected," he drawled nonchalantly, running a finger across one of her bookshelves and cringing at the amount of dust that stuck to his skin.

 

"Isn't that what you were hoping for?" She crossed her arms, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him.

 

"Hey, I was just trying to make the poor guy's transition easier by giving him a new friend. Too much Capsicle will make anyone queasy, guy's too sweet."

 

"Nat seems to be getting along just fine," Autumn shrugged, spinning in her chair to rummage around for her elusive accordion file.

 

"Yeah, well, she's the only one getting pounded by massive amounts of super soldier. So far..." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

 

"Ugh, get out, Stark," she almost shouted, throwing an empty water bottle at him and narrowly missing his head as he ducked out of the office cackling.

 

***************************************

 

Bucky paced back and forth in the bedroom Steve and Natasha shared, fiddling with his shirt and messing with his hair every now and then while Steve watched in silent amusement.

 

"You look fine, Buck," he spat, stifling a laugh. Never had he seen his best pal look so nervous about a girl.

 

"Easy for you to say," Bucky replied shakily as he adjusted his shirt collar. "You've got a girl."

 

"So do you," Steve retorted. "Just because nothing is official yet that doesn't mean she isn't your girl. She obviously likes you."

 

Bucky sighed and nodded, pursing his lips and leaving Steve's room.

 

"Good luck, bud!" Steve called after him, shaking his head and chuckling.

 

As he wandered into the living room to wait for Autumn, he found that he didn't need to wait at all. She stood rather stiffly on the balcony in a pair of sinfully tight low rider jeans and a blue tank top, smoking a cigarette. Though he tried to be the perfect gentleman, he couldn't help but notice how amazing her ass looked in those jeans. Chewing his lip, he strolled toward the balcony with confidence, but when she turned, burgundy hair blown back by the breeze and batting those big green eyes right at him he nearly tripped and all that confidence went right out the open balcony door. She looked positively radiant.

 

"Hey," she chirped as he stepped outside toward her, mentally screaming at himself for being such a big clumsy oaf.

 

"Hey back," he mumbled sheepishly as he redeemed himself and his klutz moment by taking her hand in his and raising it to his lips, gingerly kissing her knuckles and making her cheeks erupt in pink and red splotches. "You ready?"

 

She nodded, still attempting to conceal her intense blush as he tugged her along to the elevator.

 

"So Steve suggested this little hole in the wall burger joint, is that okay?" he asked, turning to her as the elevator made its descent.

 

"Sounds great, I haven't had a good greasy burger in a while," she mused.

 

She flashed that big beautiful smile when he took her hand and led her through the main lobby and out onto the street.

 

As they made their way down the crowded street, Autumn took notice of how his grip on her hand tightened and the way his eyes darted around, observing everything. She frowned and squeezed his hand. "You okay?"

 

He nodded quickly, not meeting her gaze.

 

"You haven't been out much, have you?" she pressed.

 

"That obvious?" he quipped with a smirk.

 

Autumn gave his arm a reassuring pat with her free hand. "You don't need to worry so much, Bucky. You've been cleared to leave the tower, so you have no reason to hide and nothing to worry about."

 

"That's not it, it's--"

 

He was interrupted by the shrill sound of a cab blaring its horn at pedestrians ahead of them, causing him to jump. He stopped and screwed his eyes shut, attempting to push the horrible sounds of screaming and metal grinding out of his mind.

 

"Bucky, snap out of it," Autumn cooed as she rubbed soothing circles into his back. He slowly came around and slid his eyes open as she took his hand again. "There you are," she smiled. "Do you wanna go back to the tower?"

 

Bucky shook his head. If he was going to recover fully, he needed to learn how to function properly in public. He checked traffic before trudging across the street with Autumn in tow. "We're almost there anyway," he stated.

 

As they passed a couple boutiques Autumn glued her eyes to a tiny black dress in one of the windows, which Bucky made a mental note of before they reached the restaurant.

 

He held the door open for her like the gentleman he was and marveled at the interior decor as they entered. The overhead lighting was dim, too dim if it hadn't been for the abundance of christmas lights and strings of rope lights and various neon signs. A petite brunette appeared seemingly out of nowhere to seat them and left them with menues after taking their drink order and then disappearing.

 

"This place is great," Autumn said as she took in their surroundings. "Reminds me of a place back in Texas."

 

"Kinda reminds me of the funfair," Bucky stated wistfully.

 

"That fair is still here, you know, if you wanted to go sometime..." Autumn mumbled bashfully, staring into her drink that had been set in front of her.

 

Bucky turned his gaze to her and found her blushing like a tomato once again and smiled, wondering to himself how in the world he deserved the affection of such a beautiful creature. It would take him a long time yet to convince himself that he wasn't a monster, but being with her would most definitely speed up the process.

 

Moments later, the same tiny brunette appeared and took their orders before leaving them in a nervous silence. While Autumn pondered on what to talk to him about and what he simply might not understand due to his being a man out of time, he thought about her vulnerability from being around him and how she waz risking her life to do so. He would never forgive himself if she were to get hurt, or worse...

 

They both jumped when their food arrived, Autumn digging into her burger while Bucky simply poked at his, as if he expected it to walk right off his plate. Autumn giggled at this. "It's not gonna grow a head and moo at you," she chuckled.

 

He forced a smile as he picked it up and took a generous bite, eyes growing wide before they rolled backward and he let out a satisfied groan.

 

Autumn grinned as she cocked an eyebrow. "Been a while since you've had a burger?"

 

He nodded between large mouthfuls of burger and fries. "I've gotta come back here," he said firmly, having already inhaled half his burger.

 

"Well you can come back whenever you want, providing they're open."

 

"Will you come with me?" he breathed, so softly she almost didn't catch the shyness in his tone.

 

She smiled and observed him through her long lashes. "Of course," she reached across the table and laced her fingers with his metal ones, delighting in the cooler temperature contrasting the sticky heat that hung on the air.

 

They finished their food as they not-so-discreetly made eyes at each other, each one considering the other to be oblivious of their glances. She couldn't stop staring at his metal arm and wondering what kind of sinful things he could do with it, while he watched tiny droplets of sweat disappear into the valley between her breasts and tried to contain his excitement.

 

The energetic waitress couldn't have brought the check any slower, Bucky mused as he slapped some cash onto the table and nearly yanked Autumn out of the booth.

 

She had to jog to keep up with his mile-long strides as he hurried back to the tower. "What's the rush, Buck?" she huffed, shoving hair from her face.

 

_You're intoxicating. I need to taste you. I need to feel you. I need all of you._ As he shoved his way through the lobby doors and nearly crushed the elevator button, he turned to look at Autumn. What she saw made her literally stop breathing: tendrils of hair had fallen from his manbun, framing his face. His eyes had darkened and pupils blown wide, seemingly growing darker as they raked over her form from top to bottom. As they ascended again, they stopped at her lips and he slid his tongue across his bottom lip before drawing it between his teeth.

 

She gasped and hoped he hadn't heard it as she clenched her thighs together. She had never been so wet just from someone looking at her.

 

The elevator doors opened way too slowly and Bucky nearly shoved her inside and against the far wall, causing Autumn to stifle what would have been an obscenely loud moan and he hadn't even touched her yet. _If he can do this to me now, what the hell is sex gonna be like?_

 

He towered over her, eyes boring into hers as the elevator doors closed but the car didn't move; thank God for F.R.I.D.A.Y. and her patience. The sexual tension was unbelievably palpable and it took every ounce of self-control within Bucky to keep from simply ripping her clothes to shreds and fucking her into the elevator wall, but he wouldn't allow that. Not for their first time. He would make this agonizingly slow and drawn out for her. He imagined the sound of her moaning his name and he couldn't keep himself from pressing into her, his forehead connecting with hers.

 

She gripped onto his biceps as his hands ghosted up and down her sides, finally resting at her hips. She bit her lip and nudged his nose with hers, prompting him to open his eyes. _When had I closed them?_

 

"Sweetheart, I--" he began, unable to find the right words. It didn't matter, though.

 

"I know, me too," she breathed in return, pushing her pelvis into his. That was his undoing. His lips crashed to hers with bruising force as his rock hard body pushed hers into the wall. Hands roamed everywhere as he forced his tongue past her lips and he swallowed her little sounds and found himself moaning. He needed more.

 

He reluctantly tore his lips from hers, chuckling as she chased after them and sliding his flesh hand into her hair, gripping it and pulling lightly as he latched into her collarbone and blazed a trail up to the tender flesh behind her ear. She gasped and whimpered beneath him and her skin all but combusted under his touch as he filled his lungs with her scent.

 

It was then that she remembered where they were. As his warm mouth worked her into a quivering mess, she managed to choke out, "Residential floor 2," and the elevator lurched to life. This seemed to break Bucky's concentration and he brought his face back to hers, speaking with his eyes. She didn't care what the hell he was trying to say, she just nodded because all she wanted was _him_. He grinned and assaulted her mouth again, groaning when she tangled her fingers in his hair and subsequently pulling it from the haphazard manbun.

 

The elevator finally stopped after what seemed like an eternity and Bucky nearly shoved the doors open himself before yanking Autumn onto their floor and making a beeline for his bedroom.

 

Steve, Natasha, and Sam all sat in the living room watching tv and looked back when the elevator dinged. Steve smiled at his friend. "Hey, how wa--"

 

"Fuck off, Steve," Bucky growled without giving him even a glance as he dragged a snickering Autumn to his room. Autumn caught the look of slight hurt on Steve's face and mouthed a quick "sorry" before disappearing behind Bucky's bedroom door.

 

Steve looked at Natasha and Sam incredulously while they laughed.

 

"Guess the date went well," Sam chuckled, shaking his head as he stood to leave. "I'll see y'all later, I do _not_ wanna hear whatever sounds are about to come outta there."

 

Steve shook his head and smiled. _Still the same ladykiller,_ he thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUTTY SMUTTTTT and *GASP* Autumn is in trouble?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy everyone! I hope y'all had a wonderful and safe New Years :) so this one may be a bit shorter than the other chapters butttt you'll thank me ;) happy reading!

 

 

 

 

 

Bucky couldn't possibly get his bedroom door closed fast enough as he pushed Autumn up against it and pressed his lips to hers feverishy, groaning when she tangled her fingers in his hair and reciprocated with equal fervor. When she moaned softly against his mouth, he stole the opportunity to deepen the kiss and almost violently licked into her mouth as he pressed his hard body against hers. She chased his lips as he strayed toward her jawline, causing him to chuckle as he blazed a hot trail to the spot behind her ear, a breathless sigh escaping her lips. As he reached that spot that made her squirm, he reached up with his flesh hand and buried it in her hair, bringing it to his face and inhaling deeply, nearly losing himself in her scent.

 

"Let me know if I need to slow down," he breathed hotly against her ear as his hands, both flesh and metal, ghosted down her arms and stopped at her hips.

 

"Don't stop," she immediately begged as she fisted one hand in the front of his shirt while the other remained at the back of his skull as she drew light circles into his scalp with her nails.

 

He growled and attacked her mouth again, all teeth and tongues as he shoved a knee between her legs and damn near lifted her off the floor, earning a sound that began as a surprised yelp and morphed into a guttoral moan as she rode his thigh, hands everywhere.

 

Goosebumps erupted across her soft, pale skin as Bucky slipped his metal fingers beneath her tank top and skimmed over her bare stomach, craving the sensation of her skin against his. She seemed to read his mind and furiously yanked it over her head, tossing it over his shoulder. Bucky let his eyes wander momentarily, drinking in her glowing beauty as his hands came up to cup her bra-covered breasts.

 

" _Bucky_ ," she whined, her head lolling back and hitting the door with a soft _thunk_ as she thrusted her hips forward along his muscular thigh.

 

He turned his gaze to hers and found her eyes blown wide and half shut, mouth agape and chest heaving. He chewed his lip and grasped her thighs just under her ass, lifting her with ease and carrying her to his bed. He smirked as he dropped her on the mattress and began peeling off his clothes agonizingly slowly. As he threw his shirt behind him, Autumn reached behind her to remove her bra. He raised a hand to halt her.

 

"Please, let me," he pleaded quietly, his blue-gray eyes growing soft as he knelt on the edge of the bed and kissed her deeply before pressing his forehead to hers. "It's been so long... I feel like a kid on Christmas," he averted his gaze for a second and blushed before his eyes darkened once more as they raked over her, "...I want to unwrap you."

 

She nodded slowly, entranced by his breathtaking chest and abs as she reached out to him and ran her fingertips down his hard stomach as she spread her legs to make room for him. "What are you waiting for, soldier? I'm yours."

 

He grinned and climbed onto her, settling between her thighs and balancing himself on his metal arm as he pressed their lips together and buried his flesh hand in her mess of hair. Their kisses became more urgent as he slowly dry humped her into the mattress and swallowed every pretty little sound she made.

 

Soon his lips began a torturous descent down her body, leaving her skin aflame in his wake as she writhed beneath him. He trailed down over her collarbone and nipped lightly, making her gasp and sigh as he dragged her bra straps over her shoulders. He left a single solitary kiss to the swell of her right breast before pulling back slightly and lifting her upper torso off the mattress, reaching around and undoing her bra in seconds. She fell back to the mattress as he slid the garment off and threw it in no general direction as if it had done him some personal wrong.

 

Gazing down at the perfect picture of utter beauty beneath him, he flattened both hands against her stomach and glided them upwards over her large breasts, his breathing becoming noticeably heavier as he watched her eyes flutter shut when his metal fingers pinched her nipple, causing it to harden instantly. "You're so beautiful," he whispered as he slowly wet his lips and leaned down to wrap his mouth around the opposite nipple, nipping and sucking lightly, delighting in her soft cry of approval and the way her hands flew deftly to his hair.

 

She let out a small whine when he continued his downward trek over her flat stomach, partially because he abandoned her breasts and partially because she knew where he was going. She watched and chewed her lip nervously as he unbuttoned her jeans and peeled them away from her, making sure to bring her panties with them.

 

As he pulled her remaining clothing from her legs and tossed them aside, his gaze darkened tremendously as he eyed her carefully from head to toe, his breath seemingly being knocked from his lungs as he admired her fully exposed form.  He grazed his fingertips upward along the inside of her legs, over the tops of her thighs and back down to her knees as he subconsciously held his breath. "Fucking perfect," he breathed as he pushed her thighs apart and carefully lowered himself to the mattress, balancing on his elbows. He felt her tremble and sat back up, brows furrowed. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked softly, running his fingers along the outside of her leg soothingly.

 

She blushed intensely and shook her head. "That's the very last thing I want. I'm just... A little nervous. It's been a while since I..." she trailed off and blushed again.

 

He smiled and nodded. "Me too, doll. If at any point you wanna stop, we'll stop." She sat up and pressed her lips to his, sliding her tongue along his when he allowed her entry. When the kiss turned frantic, he laid her back down and assumed his previous position at the apex of her thighs. He slung her legs over his shoulders and descended upon her, eyes rolling back as he breathed her in and licked a thick stripe up her folds. When he heard her whimper, he took it as her permission to continue and dove in, devouring her. He watched from his perfect vantage point how beautifully her back arched off the mattress and listened to her moans and cries, and thought how he would do anything to be the reason she made those sounds for the rest of his agonizingly long life.

 

He smiled against her as he wrapped his plump lips around her aching clit, creating the perfect suction as he carefully slid a single metal finger into her slick entrance. She cried his name like a prayer and buried her fingers in his hair, and for good measure he inserted a second finger and curled them upward as he pumped continuously, causing her to howl and nearly lift her entire body off the bed as her thighs quaked and she crashed headfirst into the most mindblowing orgasm she had experienced yet. Bucky helped lengthen it as he lapped her up, not wanting to waste a single drop. He smirked as he watched her collapse onto the bed like a rag doll.

 

He removed her legs from his shoulders and placed them on the bed, leaving wet kisses on her clammy skin as he crawled back up her body and kissed her lips softly, groaning when she forced her way into his mouth and tasted herself.

 

"Bucky," she panted against his lips.

 

"Hmm," he hummed in response, not entirely finished kissing her yet.

 

"You're not naked enough." She curled her fingers into the waistband of his jeans and tugged.

 

He chuckled and stood up. "As you wish, sweetheart." He watched her with such passion as he undid his jeans and slid them down his thighs along with his boxer briefs that Autumn felt her skin burn. She bit her lip as his fully erect cock sprang free and as he kicked the garments away she rose to her knees before him.

 

"My turn," she purred as she crooked a finger at him, beckoning him forward. He obliged, stepping forward and hissing when she grasped him, rubbing her thumb over the tip before giving him a few pumps. She took him fully into her mouth until he hit the back of her throat and he moaned, letting his head fall back. She smiled around him as she began bobbing, running her tongue up the underside of his cock and swirling it around the tip with each retreat. Her hand found its way to the back of his thigh, pulling him to her and holding him there as she worked magic on his nerves. His hands held the back of her head firmly as his hips began to thrust.

 

"Stop, _stop_ ," he groaned out as he stepped back and caught his breath. "I don't want to finish like this... I need to be inside you." He promptly placed his palm flat against her chest and lightly pushed her back, laying her down and seeking out her lips with his. Autumn kissed him with such overwhelming passion it nearly made her cry. _Since when do I get to be this happy? What did I do to deserve this man?_

 

Bucky sensed her sudden emotional state and pulled back, observing her carefully. "You okay, doll?" he asked, brushing away the hair that stuck to her sweaty forehead.

 

"Yeah," she beamed, "I'm just really happy for once." She punctuated her declaration by running her hands up his biceps and over his broad shoulders.

 

His gaze softened as he gave her one more lingering kiss and adjusted himself to align with her entrance. "You ready?" he asked.

 

She bit her lip and nodded, settling into the pillows. Bucky cradled her head with his flesh hand and used his metal hand to hold himself up as he slowly pushed inside her and they each groaned at the intrusion. Autumn pinched her eyes shut as she adjusted to his impressive size.

 

"Hey." Her eyes shot open to find Bucky watching her with so much feeling. He rested his forehead on hers and cupped her cheek. "Look at me."

 

Her eyes grew hazy in response as she looked him right in the eyes and snapped her hips up into his and moaned softly when he took the hint and began moving. He soon found a steady rhythm and their breaths mingled as they lingered at each other's lips while he thrust himself deep inside of her, her hips meeting his halfway as she held onto him for fear of him disappearing entirely. The white-hot coil low in her belly burned more intensely with each thrust of his hips, and the sounds he was making drove her utterly mad with lust. The deep timbre of his moans and the way he said her name as he made love to her... He made damn sure he ruined her for any other man, and she didn't care.

 

He cradled her face and slotted his lips over hers, swallowing her moans as they grew louder and his rhythm became more erratic. She was done for the moment he slung her leg over his hip, adjusting the angle of entry and sending her tumbling over the edge a second time. She all but screamed into the crook of his neck as she arched her trembling body against his, bringing him crashing down with her as he roared out her name and rode out his release. As his arms gave out on him, he veered to the side, making sure not to crush her under his weight, and pulled her into his heaving chest.

 

***************************************

 

Meanwhile, Steve, Natasha, and Tony tried to keep straight faces as they watched tv and attempted to ignore the sounds of ecstacy floating on the air from Bucky's room. Steve was a little salty, having lost a bet to both Tony and Natasha on how long Autumn and Bucky would wait before hopping between the sheets.

 

"Well," Natasha began, "you were the one that said she could be--" She was interrupted by a loud, feminine moan. "...good for him." She stifled a snicker as Tony guffawed at how uncomfortable Steve looked.

 

"Yeah, I guess," Steve sighed as he wiped a large hand down his face. "I don't know what I was expecting from him concerning a timeline, he was always a charmer with the ladies."

 

"Don't tell me you're worried about how fast they're moving," Tony scoffed. "He's like a hundred." The sudden almost deafening yell that only could have come from Bucky caused Tony to facepalm.

 

"And not only that, but didn't you carry me off to bed caveman style after our first date?" Natasha added with a sly smile.

 

Steve rolled his eyes while the other two Avengers laughed and threw popcorn at him.

 

The elevator dinged as Sam stepped off and made his way to the empty seat next to Steve.

 

"Are they done? _Please_ tell me they're done," Sam groaned as he brushed popcorn from the cushion before taking a seat.

 

"Yeah, that last Tarzan scream had to have signaled the end," Tony replied with a cringe.

 

"Could have gone without the Tarzan reference, man," Sam grimaced as he swiped the remote from the table.

 

***************************************

 

As Autumn lay in Bucky's arms with her head resting on his chest, she began to worry. Naturally, a sensitive abused woman such as herself would have certain fears concerning men. _Will he still want me? Will he hurt me like the others did? Will I have to run away again?_

 

Bucky felt her tense up and came out of his reverie as he began rubbing soothing circles into the small of her back. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked with a kiss pressed lightly to her hair.

 

She remained silent for a minute before answering him. "I'm scared," she whispered, and if Bucky hadn't had advanced hearing he would have missed it. He frowned and glared at his metal arm, assuming it as the culprit, until she spoke again. "I'm probably overreacting. I just..." She sighed and sat up, facing him with downcast eyes. "What am I to you, James?"

 

His heart thundered in his chest upon hearing his given name. He sat up with her and took her hands in his. "You're... An angel," he declared, running his thumbs over her knuckles and watching her big green eyes brim with unshed tears. "I don't know who hurt you, or why... And I know I've only known you for a few days. But it doesn't matter. I'll do everything in my power to make sure you never hurt again."

 

He caught a hint of a smile before her expression darkened. "You can't make promises like that," she choked as her hands shot up to cover her face.

 

Bucky's eyes widened in shock. Surely she didn't think he would hurt her... "Autumn, I wouldn't--" He grasped her wrists and gently tugged her hands from her face.

 

"It's not you, Bucky, it's--I can't--"

 

"You don't have to tell me," Bucky assured her softly. "Come here," he pulled her into his lap and wrapped himself around her shaking form. "You're safe with me." He dried her puffy cheeks and stroked her hair as he silently vowed to protect her from whatever evil she was running from, even if it meant his own demise.

 

She sniffled and curled herself into his warm body as he laid them down against the pillows and pulled the sheet over them. "Try to sleep, doll," he murmured into her ear as she appeared to calm down. She blinked her misty eyes at him before kissing his lips and muttering a 'thank you'.

 

As she closed her eyes and began to drift off, Bucky watched her curiously. _What is she not telling me? Who's after her?_

 

He would not get any sleep that night.

 

***************************************

 

By the time 6am rolled around the next morning, Bucky couldn't stand laying there anymore. As much as he enjoyed the feeling of Autumn laying next to him and the scent of her on his pillows, he needed to get up. He needed answers, and he knew just who to ask.

 

He reluctantly inched his arm out from under Autumn's neck and magicianed his way out of bed, only causing her to stir and turn over. He regarded her for a brief moment before yanking a t-shirt and sweats out of the dresser and pulling them on.

 

As he entered the living room, he sighed with relief when he found no one else had gotten up yet. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., is Tony around?" he called to the ceiling as quietly as he could.

 

"He is in his lab, Sergeant Barnes," the disembodied AI replied. "Would you like me to notify him that you are looking for him?"

 

"No, I'll just go to him, thanks."

 

"Certainly, Sergeant Barnes." Bucky stepped through the open elevator doors and rode down to the lab, where Tony was making some modifications to his primary Iron Man suit. Tony looked up from his work when the doors opened.

 

"Hey Tin Man," he called with a cocky smirk. "We're not scheduled another trip down memory lane for a couple more days, so--'

 

"I'm not here for that," Bucky deadpanned. "How long has Autumn worked for you?"

 

Tony chuckled and shook his head as he went back to tinkering with his suit. "Couldn't you quiz her yourself? Or is it purely physical?"

 

Bucky scowled at him and clenched his fists. "Don't get cocky, Stark, I'm serious. She seems to think she's going to get hurt. By what or who, I don't know. But I'd like to find out."

 

Tony's movements halted and his brows furrowed as he turned to Bucky. "What exactly did she tell you?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's party time! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! So I got a bit carried away with this chapter, so it's kinda long. But you'll thank me later ;) enjoy!

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The day of Tony's gala arrived and last minute preparations were in full swing as Autumn spent her morning flitting around the tower making calls, checking decorations, and going over dinner menus with the chefs. She happened to be in her office digging around for a tiny post-it with an important phone number when there was a quiet knock on her door. Autumn glanced up to find Tony leaning against the doorframe.

 

"What can I do for you, Mr. Stark?" she asked, blowing a strand of hair from her eyes as she continued her search for the elusive post-it.

 

"You know I hate being called Mr. Stark," Tony drawled, grimacing as he pushed off the doorframe and entered the office. "I just wanted to thank you for working so hard on this little party tonight. I know this job can be hectic--"

 

"You drove away the last three event planners with your unbearable workload, Stark," Autumn pointed out with a small chuckle as she disappeared under her desk, causing Tony to raise an eyebrow.

 

He rounded the guest chair amd took a seat, leaning on the armrest and holding his chin in his hand with a heavy sigh. "Barnes is onto you," he said lowly.

 

Autumn's head slowly appeared over the top edge of the desk as she considered Tony's last statement. She bit her lip and rose from the floor, taking a seat in her desk chair and resting her head in her hands on the desk. "It was only a matter of time until he found out," she breathed, pinching her eyes shut.

 

"He doesn't know specifics, but he did ask me what I knew," Tony admitted. "I told him to ask you. It's your story to tell anyway, since you're the only one who knows his file from front to back, and other... Reasons..."

 

_Great_... "I can't put that guilt trip on him, not when he's already carrying the weight of everything else he's been through," Autumn slumped in her chair as she considered her options. "He wouldn't speak to me again."

 

Tony shook his head and smirked. "You don't know that."

 

She scowled at him. "Tell me, Tony, how long did it take you to forgive him for what he did to your parents?"

 

"I wouldn't say I've forgiven him," Tony deadpanned.

 

"Exactly. So how do you think he's going to react when he finds out what really happened to my parents? I don't blame him for what happened, but he will."

 

Tony pondered this for a moment before answering, "You make a valid point, kid. Well," he stood and made his way to the door before turning to face her once more, "you'll just have to break it to him gently. Maybe after a good romp when he's nice and relaxed--" he ducked out of the doorway to dodge a heavy book before peeking back around. "Just a thought. See you tonight!"

 

Autumn groaned rather audibly as she fell forward, smacking her forehead on the desk in dismay. _How am I supposed to break it to him gently when the topic in question is so tragic?_ She lolled her head to the side, staring at her computer screen when she noticed the elusive post-it that she had been searching for, stuck to the bottom of the monitor. Scowling, she snatched it from the monitor and looked at the ceiling. "Why do you hate me?" she asked seemingly no one before hopping up and leaving her office.

 

***************************************

 

Natasha rode the elevator to the gym, where she knew she would find Bucky, wasting away precious time at the punching bag, working out his frustration. As she entered with a black garment bag over her shoulder, he didn't break concentration as he muttered a "Romanoff".

 

"You're attending the gala tonight, right?" Nat asked him as she came to a stop several feet away and jutted her hip out, placing her hand on it as she waited for an answer.

 

"Course I am, Steve didn't give me much of a choice," Bucky mumbled, glaring daggers at the bag as he continued to wail on it.

 

"Autumn will appreciate it, since she planned the whole thing," Natasha pointed out with a cocked eyebrow.

 

Bucky paused his movements and placed his metal hand on the bag, stilling it. "I forgot about that," he admitted sheepishly before gesturing to the garment bag that Nat held and smirking. "You delivering suits now?"

 

"Actually this is Autumn's dress," she drawled, bringing it to her front and carefully folding it over her foream. "She has a ton of things to do today, so I did her a favor and  picked it up for her."

 

"Oh... Can I see it?" he asked, taking a couple steps toward Natasha with a small hint of a smile.

 

"Nope," she chirped with a cheeky grin, spinning on her heels and sauntering back to the elevator as she called over her shoulder, "But I know you'll like it."

 

Bucky turned back to the punching bag and ripped the hair tie from his hair, letting it fall around his face to hide his blush before continuing his beating of the punching bag. He stopped again as he got an idea and stalked toward the elevator after Natasha, shoving his arm between the doors to keep them from closing before stepping on. "Ground floor," he called to the AI as the doors closed, earning a curious side-glance from the redhead. The elevator took Natasha to Autumn's apartment floor before taking Bucky to the ground level, where he exited and made for the main entrance, not even considering the fact that he still donned his gym clothes an a shiny accumulation of sweat.

 

***************************************

 

An hour and a half before the gala was scheduled to begin, Autumn finally finished all of her last minute duties as event planner and made her way up to her apartment to get ready. She had to be there early to be sure everything ran smoothly, so she gave herself some extra time to get more dolled up than usual.

 

The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors opened to her floor as she tapped her foot, anxious to get this night over with. She stepped out into the living area, which was understandably empty, no doubt because everyone was off getting ready.

 

As she approached her bedroom, something taped to her door caught her eye. She grinned warmly as she peeled the note and long-stemmed red rose from her door and went inside. She opened the note and chuckled at its simplicity:

 

_Be my date?_

 

_Yours,_

_B._

 

She blushed and hurried across the hall to Bucky's room, hoping he was inside as she rapped softly on his door with her index finger knuckle. She was about to turn back when she heard heavy footsteps approaching from the other side. The door opened a crack as two steely blue-gray eyes peeked out, swinging the door open with a sexy smirk when he realized who it was.

 

"Yes," she squeaked as she held his note up and lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders and pressing her lips to his. He grasped her hips and returned the kiss eagerly before she pulled back. "I have to be there early though and mingle as Tony's event coordinator for a bit, but after that I'm all yours."

 

"As long as I get to be with you, tonight will be perfect," he purred before kissing her deeper than the previous one, invading her mouth with his tongue as he snaked his flesh hand up her back and into her hair and slid his metal hand down over her ass, squeezing firmly as he pressed his pelvis tentatively into hers and drew a soft moan from her.

 

Just as he attempted to pull her into his room and shove her up against the door, she patted his chest and reluctantly broke the kiss. "I have to get ready," she panted, giggling and grazing his bottom lip with the pad of her thumb when he jutted it out and feigned pouting. "Rain check," she promised, placing one more chaste kiss to his swollen lips before bouncing back to her room.

 

"I'll hold you to it," he called after her. She threw her door open and spun around to wink at him before closing it again. Bucky sighed and leaned against his doorframe, staring at her door as if he was trying to look right through it. He crossed his arms over his hulking chest, wondering what she would look like tonight. Then his mind wandered to the events of just a few nights prior, when she confided in him a fear of... Something. Someone? He'd told her they didn't have to talk about it, but he ached to know what she was hiding.

 

As he stood lost in thought, Natasha and Wanda stepped off the elevator, each toting a garment bag, and made their way in his direction. "Trying to sprout x-ray vision, loverboy?" Natasha teased as they stopped in the hallway and she knocked on Autumn's door. Bucky simply blushed and ducked into his room and out of sight while the two women giggled at his expense.

 

Autumn swung her door open and let the girls in. "Ready to get sexy?" she drawled, waggling her eyebrows at them as they laughed and hung their dresses and removed the bags. "Thanks for picking up my dress, Nat. You really saved me some extra hassle."

 

"Think nothing of it," Nat waved her off as she started digging through Autumn's giant makeup kit.

 

"This is my first big party, I'm a bit nervous," Wanda admitted as she fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt.

 

"You'll be stunning no matter what," Autumn chimed as she prepped her giant curling iron. "If anyone should be worried, it's me. My first event..." She shook her head and chuckled, expecting everything to be a total disaster.

 

"I'm sure it'll be wonderful," Nat assured her, approaching the vanity with handfuls of various eye makeup. 

 

***************************************

 

As Autumn stood nervously, fidgetting as she greeted the incoming guests and directed them to their seats, various Avengers began arriving, the first being Tony. She gaped as the billionaire made his grand entrance with Pepper on his arm. "Do my eyes deceive me? Tony Stark is _on time_?!" she chuckled as they approached her, Pepper parting from Tony to give her a warm hug.

 

"Hey, I'm not always late!" Tony threw his hands up in defense, earning a contrary look from both women.

 

"Says the man who was over an hour late to his own birthday party because, and I quote, 'my tie wouldn't cooperate,'" Pepper drawled as she placed her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow.

 

"It was a very finnicky tie," Tony shot back weakly while Autumn giggled at the exchange.

 

The next to walk in were Steve and Natasha, who looked absolutely radiant in a simple yet elegant floor-length black gown that showed off an ample amount of cleavage. She caught sight of Autumn and winked. Autumn smiled and threw them a thumbs up, which Steve returned with a goofy smile.

Following Cap and the Widow was Sam with Darcy Lewis, Jane Foster's loud but beautiful bombshell assistant, on his arm. Autumn and Jane took great pleasure in teaming up to play matchmaker for these two and it worked out wonderfully, proven by Sam who wore the biggest smile Autumn believed she had ever seen on him. He looked her way and mouthed a big "thank you".

 

As more and more people filed in, Autumn began to wonder where Bucky was and in turn worry that he got cold feet or just decided upon himself not to waste his time. She sighed and made her way to the bar, tended by the adorable Helen Cho. She greeted Helen with a timid smile as she placed her tiny clutch on the bar and ordered a martini.

 

"I'm really impressed with how you pulled this together, you did an amazing job," Helen chimed as she placed Autumn's drink on the bar in between them with a smile.

 

"Thanks, that means a lot considering it's my first event," Autumn replied bashfully, bringing her martini glass to her lips.

 

She glanced down to the other end of the bar, observing the crowd; everyone appeared to be having a pleasant time. She smiled to herself and hoped the only person she wanted to see would make an appearance.

 

Across the room, Bucky stepped apprehensively through the double doors, tugging at his overcoat anxiously. He still didn't do so well in large crowds and it showed on his undeniably handsome face; he really didn't want to be there. He wasn't there for himself, however.

 

As he scanned the crowd, searching for her, he nodded to Steve, who waved back and then pointed toward the bar. With an eyebrow raised, he turned his gaze to the bar and caught sight of a head of long burgundy hair, curled and tossed over one shoulder. His breath hitched as she turned; Autumn appeared taller than her usual incredibly short self in her lengthy forest-green gown, completely backless and hanging off one shoulder, draped perfectly over her sizeable breasts. Her leg peeked through the long slit that ran nearly up to her hip, exposing a cross tattoo on the top of her thigh. His wide eyes raked over her a dozen times as he stood motionless, and he smirked when his gaze stopped at another cross tattoo in between her shoulder blades that he hadn't noticed before.

 

He snapped out of it when Thor's hulking figure appeared seemingly out of nowhere and clapped him on the shoulder, startling him. "Good evening to you, James!" he boomed, catching Autumn's attention from across the room. "How is this fine evening treating you?"

 

"It's--I'm fine," Bucky mumbled, smoothing stray wisps of his hair down that popped out when Thor snuck up on him.

 

"I see lady Autumn seems to be waiting for you," Thor (aka Captain Obvious) pointed out rather loudly. Jane, who could barely be seen as Thor's gigantic arm was wrapped around her, giggled as she rolled her eyes.

 

"Yeah, I'll--I'm just..." Bucky trailed off as he stalked nervously toward Autumn, whose face lit up the second she spotted him. As he approached her with a smirk, she placed her now empty martini glass on the bar and requested two more before turning back and stepping away from the bar only to trip over her own feet and go flying forward, landing right in Bucky's arms and smacking into his rock-hard chest.

 

"Drunk already, doll?" he teased, helping her regain her composure before placing a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth.

 

"I've had _one_ drink, thank you very much," she quipped with a playful slap to his arm. "So, what do you think?" she asked nervously, gesturing to their surroundings.

 

"I think you're the most stunning woman I've ever seen in my life," he purred, not breaking eye contact for a second as he cupped her cheek and slid the pad of his thumb along her blush before leaning in and adding with a wink, "and I'm nearly 100 years old."

 

"I was referring to the gala, but thank you," she muttered bashfully, sliding her fingertips under the lapels of his overcoat and gripping them lightly, coaxing him closer and tilting her chin upward to kiss him. He gladly obliged, towering over her as he curled the long fingers of his flesh hand around the nape of her neck and his metal hand resting at the small of her back as he lost himself in her warm, velvety mouth.

 

From the far corner of the room, Steve noticed his best pal with his girl and brushed his fingers over Nat's forearm, stealing her attention from Wanda and Vision momentarily as he gestured toward the couple locking lips at the bar. "I've never seen him so happy, even before the war," he whispered to her.

 

"Love has a way of conquering any obstacle," Natasha declared with a smile. "Even if you have to live forever to find it."

 

Steve beamed and wrapped his arm around her waist, placing a kiss to her temple and sitting back to enjoy the atmosphere as Autumn took two drinks in hand and led Bucky out to the terrace.

 

It was nearing the end of summer, so the night air wasn't as warm and provided a soothing breeze. Autumn stepped up to the railing and held out a martini glass for Bucky to take.

 

"I can't get drunk, remember?" he noted with a cocky smirk.

 

Autumn shrugged and pushed the glass into his flesh hand. "Doesn't mean you can't drink," she replied, raising her glass. "To new memories."

 

Bucky grinned and clinked his glass against hers before taking a generous sip. Autumn took the toothpick with an olive stuck to the end and grimaced as she offered it to Bucky, who shook his head. She frowned at the offending vegetable and tossed it over her shoulder, sending it careening off the terrace. "I hate olives," she declared matter-of-factly when Bucky laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners as his face lit up.

 

"You're adorable," Bucky admitted as he set his glass aside and stepped closer to her. "And fucking sexy," he added huskily as his eyes darkened, gripping her hips a little tighter than he intended. She didn't seem to mind.

 

"Mmm, you can't wait to peel this dress off me, can you?" Autumn purred, running her palms up his chest and over his broad shoulders as she stood on her tiptoes to reach his ear and add, "I'm not wearing panties," ending with a nibble to his earlobe.

 

He groaned and pulled lightly on her hair at the base of her skull, covering her open mouth with his in a searing kiss. Autumn sighed into his mouth as the heat began to pool low in her belly and she had to clench her thighs together. Bucky's metal hand began to descend over the curve of her round ass when the sound of glass clinking floated over the air, which they both gladly ignored as he backed her up against the railing and ground his hips into hers, his tongue still fighting hers for dominance.

 

"Yes, hello, excuse me," Tony's voice slurred over the speakers, "to the young slash really old couple outside, no canoodling on the terrace. I just had it sterilized."

 

Autumn rolled her eyes and Bucky seethed as they tore away from each other and turned to walk back inside, Bucky offering a certain hand gesture in Tony's direction. Tony simply winked.

 

"Now then," he continued as the party fell silent, "first and foremost, I want to thank everyone for attending tonight. Unfortunately, you've all been deceived."

 

Murmurs and whispers began to rise among the crowd and Tony smiled. "There really wasn't much of a point to this party, mostly just an excuse for us all to get wasted in a fancy environment." The crowd laughed and applauded. A select few rolled their eyes, including but not limited to Pepper, Autumn, and Steve. "I do, however, want to honor a certain veteran we have in our midst. Let me just say, this individual has been through hell and back a dozen times over, and we're doing everything we can to make sure he has somewhat of a normal life and another chance to live it."

 

Steve and Autumn simultaneously looked at Bucky, who was speechless. _He threw this party for... Me?_ He glanced down at Autumn, who looked just as shocked and offered him a shrug.

 

"I understand that a lot of people may think of him as dangerous," Tony went on, "but I'm here to prove that he isn't. To you, Barnes." He raised his glass to Bucky, followed by the crowd slowly rising to applaud and cheer. Bucky suddenly felt a tug at his heart and smiled at the billionaire on stage as he nodded in his direction.

 

"Wow," Autumn breathed as the crowd quieted. "Even I wasn't expecting that." She looked up at Bucky again and saw that he looked slightly uncomfortable. "You wanna get the fuck outta here, soldier?"

 

He grinned down at her and snaked an arm around her waist. "I thought you'd never ask, sweetheart."

 

They turned to their friends and waved as they discreetly ducked out of the room and into the elevator, Bucky descending upon her in seconds and claiming her lips with his after telling F.R.I.D.A.Y. to take them to their apartment floor.

 

Breathy pants and moans filled the elevator as hands roamed everywhere, loosening his tie and pulling the slit in her dress apart to expose more milky smooth skin. As they reached their floor, they nearly fell through the doors as they stumbled to his room, lips never parting as he threw the door open and backed her through it, promptly slamming it shut with his foot before kicking his shoes off.

 

Autumn was backed all the way up to the edge of his bed, tumbling onto it when the back of her knees hit the mattress and giggling as she bounced. Bucky kneeled before her and grazed his fingers, both metal and flesh, up her legs within the slit, parting it and shoving the dress up over her hips. He moaned and began salivating when he saw that she wasn't kidding about not wearing panties. She watched him with hungry, glassy eyes as she bit her lip.

 

He slid his fingers back down and removed her heels one by one, every movement performed painfully slowly. Once her shoes were discarded, he took one ankle amd raised it, pressing gentle kisses and nips along her calf and stopping at her knee. He tossed that leg over his shoulder and took the other leg, giving it the same treatment before abruptly yanking her toward him until the curve of her bare ass met the edge of the bed, earning a squeal of excitement that morphed into a string of moans as he peppered her inner thighs with wet kisses.

 

"So fucking delicious," he groaned as he inched closer to the apex of her thighs, already dripping with anticipation. He slid a metal finger up and down along her folds teasingly, eyes dilating completely as he watched her head fall back. "Already soaked, just for me," he growled just before covering her sex with his mouth, expert tongue delving between her folds and completely devouring her.

 

Her eyes rolled back as a string of guttural moans emitted from her throat and her hands found purchase tangled in his hair. He curled his large hands around her thighs and spread them wider as he watched her come undone before him, emitting sinful sounds of his own as he feasted on her. As he fucked her senseless with his tongue, she ascended toward her peak and tried to buck her hips into his face, but was unsuccessful as he held her in place. The heat at her core grew hotter and hotter and she arched completely off the bed when his metal thumb began circling her clit with just the right amount of pressure, causing her to go flying off the edge into utter bliss as she crashed into her first orgasm, screaming his name and several choice curses.

 

Thighs quaking and chest heaving, her boneless form seemingly sank into the mattress as Bucky licked his swollen lips and set her legs down gently. He stood and began shedding the rest of his clothes, watching her carefully and chewing his bottom lip. Before removing his boxer briefs, he kneeled beside her on the bed and kissed her tenderly before helping her fully onto the bed and brushing sweaty tendrils of hair from her face.

 

"You still with me, doll?" he cooed between kisses to her neck.

 

"Always," she slurred back as she ran her hands along his biceps, her single-worded statement triggering a swell of heat in his chest, a feeling he wasn't sure he'd ever experienced before. He grinned and covered her with his body, settling between her spread thighs and grinding his rock hard erection along her mound as he nipped along her jawline. She groaned and tugged at his underwear, the need for him to fill her becoming unbearable.

 

He grunted as he sat up and carefully pulled her dress over her head, delighted to find that she hadn't worn a bra either as he lowered his mouth to her breasts and took a nipple betweem his lips as he massaged the opposite breast with his metal hand. She gasped at the sudden cold and pushed her chest toward him as she slinked her hand between their bodies and palmed his cock through his underwear, drawing out a groan.

 

"Bucky," she whined as she slid her free hand down his back and squeezed his ass. He got the message and chuckled as he stood, sliding his boxer briefs down his huge legs and kicking them away.

 

"How do you want me, baby?" he purred as he crawled back up her body and forced his tongue past her lips.

 

"Fuck me _hard_ , James," she rasped against his mouth. He groaned and wasted no time in shoving into her roughly, both moaning loudly when he bottomed out. She dug her nails into his shoulders, nearly drawing blood as he set a brutal pace.

 

" _Fuck_ , you're so fucking tight," he gritted as he pistoned into her, wrapping her legs around his waist for better angling. She snapped her hips into his frantically, meeting him halfway with each thrust as she wailed curses of ecstacy to the heavens and held on for dear life.

 

He gripped her hips with such force as he brutally fucked her into the mattress that she was sure she would bruise, but she would wear them proudly. As his pace began to falter, his thrusts became slower and deeper as he buried his metal hand in her hair and tugged to the side, burying his face in her neck as he growled and grunted into her skin, sinking his teeth into her flesh and drawing a howl from her lips.

 

"Fucking _shit_ , James, I--I'm gonna-- _oohhhh_ ," she screamed as he thrust once, twice, three times and halted, burying himself deep within her as they both came hard. Her walls fluttered and milked him dry as he roared her name and let out a string of Russian curses into her neck until his body went limp and collapsed onto her. She welcomed all of his weight with open arms as they panted and caught their respective breaths, melting into each other.

 

As they came down from their mutual high, he rolled off of her and onto his side, snaking his arm around her waist and pulling her flush against him, smoothing her hair and rubbing circles into her back.

 

"That's one helluva way to end a party," she panted into his neck, causing him to chuckle.

 

"I'd much rather stay here with you anyway," he cooed, planting a kiss to her hair as their breathing regulated and synchronized. He yanked the covers over them and settled into the pillows, both of them drifting off to sleep moments later.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TOOTH-ROTTING FLUFF AHEAD <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness y'all I'm sorry for the delay in updates! Work has been crazy busy :( but I haven't forgotten about y'all! I have big plans for this story :D happy reading!

 

 

 

 

_The low lighting didn't provide much visual assistance for Autumn as she scurried down a dark hallway, her bare feet slapping against the wet floor as she ran along the walls and peeked around corners. She glanced down at herself to find her legs bare and covered in dirt, sweat, and God knows what else. Grimacing as she shivered, she turned a corner and continued on, the low hum of machinery hanging heavily in the musty air with the occasional sound of dripping echoing through the darkness._

 

_She approached another turn apprehensively, wringing her hands and body trembling. She leaned out just far enough to see around the corner, then shot back and pressed herself flat against the wall, not daring to even breathe for fear of being caught._

 

_Steeling herself, she whipped around the corner and smacked right into the solid chest of a masked Hydra agent. He shouted something in Russian that she didn't quite catch and grabbed her by the hair as he dragged her back the way she came._

 

_She flailed and screamed, praying that some good Samaritan would hear her pleas for help and come to her rescue, but to no avail. The agent pressed a gun to her temple and hissed more Russian slurs at her, commanding her to shut up as he took her back into that dreaded laboratory._

 

_As they entered the room, two doctors readied the chair for her. "Fuck--not again, please don't do this!" she shrieked as she fought with all the strength she had within her to escape, but another agent approached from behind and assisted the first agent with slamming her down into the chair before it locked her in._

 

_Tears streamed down her flushed cheeks as her eyes darted around the room, the headpiece of the chair slowly lowering itself and immobilizing her head. Her eyes landed on a hulking figure standing in the shadows across the room from her, his metal arm glinting in the light as he watched her with emotionless eyes._

 

_"B-Bucky, please," she pleaded, her voice quivering in fear as she struggled against her restraints. "I know you're in there, Bucky! Help me!"_

 

_He remained still as his cold gaze pierced right through her._

 

_"He doesn't know you, my pet," a voice said behind her, and her blood ran ice cold as she recognized the heavy eastern European accent. The man rounded the chair to stand before her with a sickening leer on his scarred face. "Do you really think you can escape me?"_

 

_He leaned in closer and reached out to run his gloved hand through her matted hair, and she spat in his face. He scowled and backhanded her, leaving an angry red mark and a split in the side of her lip. "Wipe her," he called to the doctors behind him and turned on his heel to leave the room. He snapped his fingers at the Winter Soldier as he walked out, motioning for him to follow._

 

_"Bucky, wait! Please don't leave me here! COME BACK!" Autumn wailed as she watched him turn and walk out. The face plates lowered and the smell of burning flesh filled her nose before the chair was even activated. She whimpered and closed her eyes, waiting..._

 

She shot straight up and inhaled sharply, eyes scanning her pitch dark surroundings. She swallowed thickly and heaved a deep sigh when she realized she was in her bedroom. Stricken with fear and grief, she hugged her knees to her chest and cried silently, her long sleep-messed hair acting as a curtain against any possible prying eyes.

 

As she sat in her bed, her stomach growled obnoxiously loudly, as if telling her that food might help her feel better.

 

Sighing again and plucking her glasses from the bedside table to shove them onto her face, she untangled her legs from the sheets and made her way out into the dark hallway, heading for the kitchen.

 

Padding her way through the darkness to the pantry, she grabbed her giant bag of Cocoa Pebbles and made for the cabinets that held the bowls. As she opened the cabinet door, her sleepy brain remembered that all the men in the tower were much taller than her and seemingly purposefully placed everything she needed on shelves she couldn't reach. She stood on her tiptoes, her tank top rising to reveal her black panties, and cursed inwardly when she couldn't reach a bowl.

 

As she gave up with a heavy sigh, an arm came out of nowhere and reached above her, scaring the living hell out of her and in turn causing her to nearly throw her bag of cereal. She calmed her nerves when she happened to notice what the offending limb was made of.

 

"Do you _have_ to be so God damn sneaky?" she snapped as she whipped around clutching her precious cereal.

 

"Sorry, doll," Bucky replied sheepishly, holding out the bowl he retrieved for her with hurt in his eyes.

 

Autumn noticed this and frowned at herself. "No, I'm sorry..." she trailed off as she watched him take a few steps toward the fridge and open it, pulling out the carton of milk. He held it out for her and his brow furrowed when he saw tears shimmer on her cheeks in the light of the fridge. He almost slammed the milk onto the counter as he swung the fridge door shut and took wide strides toward her, pulling her into his arms, leaving her little time to rid herself of the gigantic bag of cereal before pressing her into his broad chest, which Autumn was just now realizing was devoid of any clothing.

 

The intimacy of the sudden skin-to-skin contact brought on a new wave of tears, and Bucky brushed his flesh hand over her hair soothingly as she cried into his chest.

 

As Autumn sniffled through the last few tears and pulled away, she gazed up into Bucky's worry-ridden blue-gray eyes as he ran his hands up and down her arms. He didn't have to ask; he knew that look in her eyes all too well. "Nothing's gonna happen to you, sweetheart," he cooed as he took a step closer and cupped her cheek with his metal hand, and she leaned into it; her skin was on fire. "Not while I'm around." His lips curled up at the corners slightly when she smiled weakly and nodded.

 

His metal hand fell to his side as he watched the wheels in her head turn, zoning out at her unrivaled beauty. He was almost startled when she squeaked, "Cereal?" The fog in his mind cleared as his eyes focused on her standing there, barely clothed and chewing on her lip as she held the comically huge bag. He chuckled as he took another bowl from the cabinet.

 

Minutes later they sat on the smaller couch while the dim light from the small table lamp cast their giant shadows on the walls and high ceilings behind them, each munching away on their own bowl of cavity-inducing chocolatey goodness. He watched her carefully and took an enormous bite before mumbling, "You always eat cereal at 3am?"

 

She smiled and nodded. "It's like my ultimate comfort food," she admitted bashfully.

 

He swallowed and flashed that perfectly white smile as he looked on her affectionately. His heart then dropped into his stomach when she frowned and glared into her bowl, no doubt trying to forget whatever nightmares haunted her. He pursed his lips and scooted closer to her until his thigh gently pressed against hers. "If you wanna talk about it... Or anything, I mean you don't have to, but--"

 

She cut off his babbling with a soft kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Bucky," she murmured as she laid her head against his bicep and stirred her cereal. "I just... I want to forget. But they keep coming back..."

 

"I know exactly how you feel," he admitted. "Every time I think it's finally stopped, I'm the Winter Soldier again." He shook his head and shoveled another spoonful of cereal past his lips.

 

"Do you think Tony's therapy will help?"

 

He shrugged. "I can hope, right?" he smiled weakly before peering back down into his bowl.

 

Autumn suddenly felt a sharp pang of guilt and her heart hurt deeply for the man sitting next to her. Having become very familiar with his file, she knew that he had been a good man before he'd been captured and turned into a weapon. And she wanted nothing more than for him to feel at least somewhat normal again, despite having the metal arm as a constant reminder of what he had become.

 

He felt her eyes boring into him and turned his entire body to face her, setting his bowl on the coffee table as he peered into the green-tinted windows that were her breathtakingly beautiful eyes, staring right into her soul. He reached out with his flesh hand and grazed his knuckles over the top of her thigh as her eyes followed his movements. She nearly broke down in tears again; her heart ached to tell him, to confide in him her darkest secrets that she kept hidden away in the deepest crevices of her memory, but he would never forgive himself. He already punished himself daily for the things he had done behind the façade of the Winter Soldier, and she refused to let him drown in more guilt and regret.

 

All she could do for the time being was be an anchor for him. And so she did just that. She mimiced his positioning and turned fully to him, setting her now soggy cereal aside as she scooted herself impossibly close to him, sitting cross-legged and placed her hands on his knees, palms up. He smiled warmly and took her hands, lacing their fingers together and simply enjoying her company, silently thanking her as they tried to read each other.

 

It didn't take long for Autumn to decide that she needed more contact. Without a word, she carefully crawled into Bucky's lap and he didn't hesitate to wrap himself around her, slowly rocking back and forth as she curled herself into his chest and inhaled deeply. She couldn't place the scent, but he smelled positively _mouthwatering_.

 

"You gotta be exhausted," his chest rumbled lowly as his gruff voice broke through the silence around them.

 

"Mmm," was all she could muster in response as she tried not to drool on him. Now was not the time for any kind of sexual intimacy, but as usual, her body and libido betrayed her and his scent alone was beginning to send heat shooting right down to her core. _Fuck, he doesn't even have to do anything but smell good and I turn into a useless puddle of goo._

 

"Let's get you back to bed, doll," he declared with a lingering kiss to her hair before he lifted her bridal style from the couch and made for his bedroom. Nudging the cracked door open with his toes, he carried her to his bed, carefully placed her on the mattress as if she would break, and pulled the sheet over her. "I'm gonna go take care of the bowls and bring you some water, okay?"

 

She nodded as she removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes sleepily, eyes sliding shut as she watched him walk out the door.

 

Moments later, the mattress dipped behind her and Bucky was crawling under the sheet, placing a water bottle on her side of the bed and wrapping himself around her shivering form.

 

"You're cold?" he whispered, his hot breath fanning over her ear and neck, sending more chills coursing through her body.

 

"Yeah, you keep it pretty frigid in here," she retorted as she flipped over to face him. "But I can forgive you for that, you're like a furnace."

 

He chuckled and slinked his metal arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him. As more and more of her skin touched his and the longer he held her, he began to feel a distantly familiar pang in his heart that he was sure he hadn't felt in decades and it nearly brought tears to his eyes. He squeezed her tighter and buried his face into her hair, inhaling the scent of flowers as his heart thundered in his chest.

 

Autumn seemed to sense a change in the atmosphere and leaned back slightly to look at him. "Are you alright?" she asked as she raised her hand to brush her fingertips ever so lightly across his jawline.

 

Bucky smiled, really smiled, and ran his metal hand from the small of her back up to the nape of her neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her soft skin in his wake. "I'm perfect, doll," he breathed.

 

She grinned back and let her sleepy eyes trail down his handsome face from his ocean-deep eyes to his full lips, glancing back up just in time to catch him staring at her slightly parted lips before slowly leaning forward and kissing her softly. She sighed as she returned the kiss, slow and lazy, eyes fluttering closed and her heart jumped into her throat when cool metal fingers skimmed down her leg and to the back of her knee, hiking it over his hip. There was no rush to rid each other of clothing, no pressure to lead the kiss into anything more. It was late and they were both content simply tangling themselves together and getting lost in the other's warm mouth.

 

As they broke apart, Bucky cradled her bsck into his chest, resting his chin on the top of her head as their hands slowly stilled their petting movements and they drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

 

***************************************

 

The minute rays of sunlight began peeking through cracks in the window shades, Bucky began to stir. He stretched his arm scross the bed to find himself alone. Brow furrowing, he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he took in his surroundings, wondering if last night had been a dream.

 

Groaning to himself, he dragged himself from his bed, found a shirt to pull over his head, and trudged out to the living room. As soon as he opened his bedroom door, however, he was slapped in the face by the salivating aroma of sizzling bacon. His stomach immediately began to make embarrassing noises as he made his way to the kitchen, and was utterly surprised to find that it was Autumn who was cooking breakfast.

 

Her back to the living room as she switched between poking at the bacon and stirring the scrambling eggs, she didn't hear a grinning Bucky sneaking up behind her, chewing his lip as he admired the way her tiny sleep shorts hugged her ass. He snaked his arms around her waist and began trailing his lips down her neck and over her shoulder, smiling against her skin when she reached back and fisted her hand into his sleep-touseled hair.

 

"So much for breakfast in bed," she cooed over her shoulder before he left a lingering kiss on her lips.

 

"Sorry," Bucky said before stepping back against the opposite counter to observe her. "How'd you get out of bed without waking me up?"

 

"Very carefully," she replied, spinning around and winking playfully. She turned her attention back to cooking and began plucking bacon from the giant skillet before stirring the eggs again while Bucky took a seat at the table.

 

She spooned heaps of eggs and laid several pieces of bacon onto plates and carried them to the table, placing one in front of Bucky and set the other down at her usual seat before turning back to Bucky and embracing him tightly. "Thank you... For last night," she mumbled into the crook of his neck.

 

He shook his head as he grazed his hands up her legs and over her hips before rubbing circles into her back. "You don't need to thank me, doll," he told her.

 

She pulled away and smiled bashfully as she took her seat, picking up a piece of bacon and putting damn near the entire thing in her mouth at once.

 

"I thought I smelled breakfast," Natasha chimed as she entered the kitchen, heading for the rest of the bacon sitting on the counter. She plucked a larger pice and took a bite as she leaned against the wall nearest the table. "What's on the agenda today?"

 

"I have some things to take care of at the office," Autumn droned, stealing a glance at the super soldier sitting next to her. The metaphorical butterflies in her stomach fluttered furiously when she found that he hadn't looked away from her at all. She turned strawberry-red from her scalp to her chest and fumbled with her fork before speaking again, "Unfortunately for me, Tony has yet another event coming up that he wants me to plan, so I'll probably be down there all day..."

 

"I'll bring you lunch," Bucky blurted out before he could stop himself. Natasha snorted and shook her head as she walked away muttering something about disgusting lovebirds.

 

"You're one to talk, Mrs. Star-Spangled," Autumn called after her, drawing a hearty laugh from Bucky. She turned to him and frowned, reluctantly standing. "I have to get ready..." she mumbled, placing a kiss to his temple as she passed by, leaving him alone at the table, smiling like an idiot as he watched her walk away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn comes to a realization when Bucky leaves for a mission, and seeks a second opinion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy everyone :) my apologies for the slight delay in posting a new chapter. Work has been all sorts of crazy busy along with prepping for my birthday which is tomorrow :D but I managed to finish this this morning for y'all! Happy reading :)

The next few days passed by in a blur as Autumn took very little time to rest in between working and spending more time in the gym than she should. The nightmares that seemed eerily familiar to her became more frequent and she began to wonder whether or not she should speak to someone about them.

 

She hadn't even confided in Bucky; he was the last person she wanted to burden with her silly problems as he already had so many of his own. On those sleepless nights that she would hear him crying out and thrashing in his sleep, she'd sneak into his room and wake him from a safe distance before curling up next to him to calm him while shoving her own fears so deep within her that not even Hydra could drag them out of her.

 

Early Friday morning, she sat in her office, slumped over her daily planner with droopy red-rimmed eyes when Tony snuck in carrying a full drink holder. "Mornin' kid, brought you some coff..." He trailed off as he took in her disheveled appearance and obviously exhausted demeanor. He exhaled harshly through his nose and pursed his lips together as he stepped inside and took a seat, setting a large cup of coffee in front of her. "Anything you wanna share? Long nights spent in the throes of passion with your Tin Man?"

 

Autumn scowled at him for his last statement. "Nightmares," she deadpanned before turning her gaze back to her messy planner.

 

Tony nodded solemnly as he shifted in his seat. "You know you can talk to any of us, kid. Especially me." He sighed and leaned forward to still her erratically writing left hand, lifting it from the paper and cradling it. "You look like hell. You need to get some sleep if it means I have to have Dr. Cho sedate you."

 

She scoffed and shook her head, strands of her unbrushed hair falling into her face. "I'm fine," she mumbled.

 

"Bullshit, Autumn. I care about you, we all do. You're like a daughter to me. Clearly something's not right here and I'm worried about you. I'm not the only one either."

 

She continued to stare at her desk as he spoke, his words hitting home every damn time and doing nothing to console her but simply torture her more and more. None of them knew her hell, even she had very foggy memories of what happened.

 

"I stand by what I said," Tony continued, tearing her from her reverie as she jerked back to life and looked at him through tear-brimmed eyes. "Go get some rest... Please. I'll have someone take care of all... This for you," he gestured nonchalantly to the mess of paper on her desk as he stood.

 

She heaved a sigh as she slowly stood and began cramming things into her purse. She paused to glance up at Tony and stepped around to embrace him, her bottom lip quivering as she struggled to keep the tears from falling. He returned the embrace and rubbed her back soothingly before leaning back to look at her. "If you need to see Dr. Cho, feel free to talk her ear off. I'd suggest Bruce, but I still can't find the big green bastard."

 

Autumn coughed out a small laugh as she brushed at a stray tear before turning to grab her purse and the cup of coffee from her desk. She turned back to face him and gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Tony," she said meekly as she brushed her unruly hair behind her ears.

 

"Anytime, kid. But you owe me," he jested with a wag of his index finger at her. She nodded and they exited her office, parting ways in the hallway.

 

She made it to the elevator in one piece and stepped inside the empty car as she smoothed her pencil skirt down and requested her apartment floor. Once the doors closed, the metaphorical dam broke and she shed her silent tears freely, her body trembling as she tried to contain her sobs.

 

As the car approached her floor, she wiped at her face and reached down to remove her heels so they wouldn't draw unwanted attention while walking to her room. When the elevator doors opened and she padded out, however, she managed to miss a certain super soldier sitting on the couch that didn't miss anything thanks to his enhanced hearing.

 

She hurried into her bedroom and closed the door behind her, heaving a giant sigh of relief as she dropped her things, downed half of her coffee and set it aside nefore she took her button down blouse and skirt off, tossing them aside. She found an oversized t-shirt (one of Bucky's) to pull over her head before crawling under her covers. Just as she threw her glasses onto the bedside table and plopped down onto her pillow, there was a soft knock at the door.

 

"Autumn?" Steve's hesitant voice called from the other side. "Is everything okay?"

 

She sighed and flopped over onto her side, her back to the door. Her silence didn't stop him from slowly cracking her door open and peeking inside, though. _Damn that big sweet teddy bear of a man and his persistence._ "Autumn..." he called again.

 

"I don't feel good," she stated without moving.

 

"Come on, you know you can talk to me," Steve persisted.

 

"So I've been told," she groaned and sat up to face him, staring at her hands. Her unusually calloused hands. _Why does it feel like these hands don't belong to me..._

 

Steve took that as an invitation to fully enter the room, shutting the door behind him and gazing at her with hurt and concern in his soft blue eyes. She frowned at the look in his eyes and felt a sharp pang in her chest that made her immediately regret her last statement. "Fuck, Steve, I'm sorry," she choked as she slumped forward and slapped both hands to her face.

 

Steve rushed to her side and sat on the edge of the mattress, drawing her into his arms as he rested his chin on her head and did his best to comfort her. "The more these nightmares come, the less I know who I am," Autumn mumbled between hiccups and sobs.

 

Steve's brow furrowed as he tried to understand her statement. "What matters is you're safe with us," he said softly as she sat up and wiped her eyes yet again. "We would never let anything happen to you."

 

"I know," Autumn sighed, finally able to breathe normally. "I just... Don't feel like myself lately. These nightmares, they just came out of nowhere... And they feel so real... Almost like they're memories." She turned her gaze back to her hands, inspecting them closely as if she'd never seen them before.

 

"When did they start?" Steve asked, cocking his head to the side.

 

"The night you brought Bucky here," she replied plainly. She looked up at his face and could see the wheels in his head turning, as if he'd just realized something important. "What?" she asked apprehensively.

 

The lines in his forehead deepened as he stood up and faced her. "Nothing. I actually came to tell you that we have a mission that we're preparing for today."

 

"Great, it's been a while," she smiled. "I know you've been antzy about when you guys would get back at it."

 

"Bucky is going with us," he said slowly, as if hesitant to divulge that piece of intel.

 

"What?! Is he psychologically prepared for this? Where is he?" she shot out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans, yanking them up her legs.

 

"He's in the hangar suiting up."

 

"Why wouldn't he tell me?" she pouted, becoming misty-eyed all over again.

 

Steve pursed his lips before answering, "He's seen how much of a mess you've been and has been giving you space," he admitted apologetically. "He thinks it's his fault."

 

"Oh my God, why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" she wailed as she bolted out the door to the elevator.

 

Naturally, the elevator ride to the hangar floor seemingly took years and she practically pried the doors open herself as the car reached the hangar floor. She padded across the cold concrete, instantly regretting not putting on shoes as she searched for Bucky.

 

Eventually she ran into Clint, who wordlessly pointed toward the end of the hangar where one of the quinjets sat waiting to be fired up. She sprinted toward it and rounded the aircraft to find Bucky strapping into his tactical armor and looking positively miserable. He looked up when he heard her bare feet slapping the floor and felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw her red-rimmed eyes and deep brow lines. "So you were just gonna leave without telling me?" she panted as she approached him.

 

He turned his attention back to getting his gear on. "You've got your own stuff to worry about. I didn't want to bother you," he muttered.

 

"My own st--Bucky, don't you think I'd want to know you're about to fly off to God knows where with the very real possibility of not coming back?" she stepped closer and reached for him, stilling his hands.

 

He sighed and dropped his arms to his sides, still staring at the floor. "So I can be a bigger problem for you? Cause you more grief?"

 

" _James Buchanan Barnes, look at me!_ " His steel gaze turned upwards, stopping at her face and staring straight into her soul. He could see the pain behind her eyes and he knew without a doubt that he was the cause of it. "Fuck. My. Problems. Whatever brought on my nightmares, it doesn't matter," she stepped even closer, nearly pressing up against him as she slid her palms up his chest and over his shoulders. "They're just dreams, Bucky... But you're real, and here, and--" She choked back a sob that shattered any resolve that Bucky had as his hands shot up to cradle her face.

 

"I'm gonna come back, doll," he assured her, frowning as he brushed her tears away. "God, what the fuck am I doing?" He yanked her body against his and wrapped his arms tightly around her, as if she would fade away at any moment. "I'm so sorry," he breathed into her mess of hair before planting a kiss to the top of her head.

 

She sniffled and nodded in response as she took the deepest breath she could manage, filling her lungs, memorizing the scent of him while burying her hands in his hair.

 

He put some space between them and brushed her hair from her face as he looked at her like she was his entire world. "I'll be back in a couple days, I promise," he declared, his heart breaking a little more with each passing second of watching her cry over him. "You really think I'd leave you here?"

 

She shook her head and spaced out as she traced the lines of his tactical gear and reached up to fiddle with her necklace she always kept hidden under her shirt. "Where are you going?" she asked, finally glancing up at him.

"Somewhere outside of Amsterdam," Bucky answered quietly, his grey eyes skimming over her features, pausing at her pouty lips before raising back up to her bright eyes. "Stark's been intercepting Hydra codes coming out of that area for a while, so we're gonna go check it out."

 

Autumn nodded solemnly as she stared off into space again, contemplating her next move. Then she reached to the back of her neck and unclasped the tiny silver chain, stepping onto her tiptoes until her lips nearly brushed his as she slid the chain around his neck and clasped it. "Incentive... I want that back," she said as she stepped back and shot him the tiniest hint of a smile.

 

He picked up the little cross between his index finger and thumb, examining it closely before smiling and hiding it under his gear. "Nothing could keep me from coming back to you, sweetheart," he confessed as he wrapped his arms around her again.

 

Autumn's eyes filled with tears again as she prayed that he was right. She pulled back and reached for the base of his skull, pulling him down to reach his lips. His hold on her tightened as he kissed her back with such intensity that he managed to squeeze a tiny whimper from her as tears stained her cheeks once more.

 

He tore his lips away and pressed his forehead to hers as he made every attempt to maintain the tiny ounce of composure he had left within him. She clung to his arms and chewed her lip as she debated keeping these words bottled up within her. "Bucky, I--"

 

"Alright everyone, let's go!" called Steve as he appeared decked out in his full Captain America gear.

 

She whined and hugged Bucky's neck as if that would keep him from leaving. "Please be careful," she whispered against his ear.

 

"Of course," he replied, stroking her hair and burying his face in the crook of her neck.

 

She released him after giving him one last kiss and looked at Steve as he passed. "You be careful too, and bring him back in one piece."

 

"Yes ma'am," he replied with a smile and a salute before climbing into the quinjet.

 

She turned back to Bucky and watched silently as he reluctantly made his way inside the craft behind Steve. Clint and Nat followed closely behind, both nodding to her as they passed.

 

She stepped back as the engines fired up and they began lifting up and out of the overhead hatch, tears soaking the collar of Bucky's t-shirt as they trailed down her throat.

 

She stood in the same spot even after they had gone, trying to come to terms with the massive tidal waves of emotions washed over her. Watching him leave and not knowing whether or not she would see him again was by far the most painful thing she had ever done. Then it dawned on her like a cold slap to the face; she was falling in love with Bucky Barnes.

 

"Fuck," she sobbed to herself as she spun on her heel and ran back to the elevator. She needed a second opinion.

 

***************************************

 

As Autumn stepped off the elevator onto Wanda and Vision's apartment floor, she smiled as the smell of hot chocolate wafted through the air. She wandered into the kitchen to find Wanda standing over a pot heating up on the stove.

 

"I felt you coming a minute or so before you got off the elevator, so I made this," she said softly with a smile as she gestured to the boiling cocoa in the pot.

 

"Wow, really?" Autumn blinked. "I think you're getting stronger, Wanda."

 

Wanda shrugged as she kept stirring. "That's what Vis has been saying." She flitted over to the pantry and pulled out a bag of marshmallows before turning back to Autumn. "What's up?"

 

Autumn sighed and hopped up into one of the bar stools, placing her elbows on the bar and resting her chin in her hands. "I'm... Well, I mean, I think I--"

 

"You're in love with Barnes and don't know how to process it," Wanda finished her thought for her. When Autumn's face lit up like a giant red christmas light, Wanda smiled and raised an eyebrow. "And that was just a guess."

 

Autumn groaned and dropped her head to the bar with a thunk. "I don't know what to do, or if I should even tell him," she confessed. "I've never been in love..."

 

Wanda pursed her lips as she took two mugs from a cabinet and transferred the steaming cocoa from the pot into them, topping them off with marshmallows and whipped cream that she'd plucked from the fridge. "So why come to me?" she asked, sliding a mug in front of Autumn.

 

Autumn stared into her cocoa after taking a careful sip, thinking. "To... See if it's real, I guess... Whatever it is that I'm feeling," she mumbled as she slumped her shoulders and brought her mug to her lips again. She sighed and fluttered her eyes closed as she considered her next question. "Am I crazy?"

 

"Not at all," Wanda answered knowingly as she set her mug down and rounded the end of the bar, hopping up onto a stool next to Autumn and swiveling to face her. "Let me have a look," she suggested, almost like a question as she raised her hands slightly. Autumn's eyes darted to the young woman's glowing red fingers, then back to her face as she nodded and turned her body toward her.

 

Wanda cleared her throat and slowly lifted her hands, hovering over Autumn's temples as her eyes slid closed and she concentrated. Images flashed before her eyes, of Autumn smiling at something Bucky had said; it was a real, genuine smile. He truly made her happy, happier than she had ever been before in her mysterious and confusing lifetime.

 

More and more images like this one flooded Wanda's mind, bringing a smile to her face. She opened her eyes and found Autumn staring, observing, waiting for answers. "You do love him," Wanda declared as she beamed at her friend. "And he loves you."

 

Autumn nearly slipped off the bar stool as she rejoiced internally. Her gaze flitted back to Wanda and found her frowning, the red aura surrounding her hands becoming thicker and darker, almost sinister in the way it moved. "What's wrong?" Autumn asked nervously, her voice quivering.

 

Wanda's eyes grew wide with panic as her breathing sped up alarmingly. "I see--" her voice cracked as she gasped at the horrifying image that took over her. _So much blood..._

 

"What is it, Wanda?" Autumn pressed more frantically, almost yelling. 

 

Wanda tore her hands away from Autumn and into her own lap, he red aura disappearing as she tried to calm herself. She looled at her friend warily, eyes brimmed with tears. "I think you should go see Stark... Now."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are revealed and shit hits the fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI Y'ALL! So sorry for the delay, the past couple weeks have been CRAZY and I was suffering a touch of writers block. But I haven't forgotten my lovely readers! So here it is! My big idea that I was leading up to! I hope y'all like it :) let me know what y'all think, comments are most welcome!

"You're sure this is safe?" Autumn asked nervously as she sat atop one of the giant metal desks in Tony's lab with her hands fidgeting in her lap, his BARF device resting on her head.

 

"Safe? Absolutely," Tony assured as he tinkered with the device. "Will it work? That's another question entirely. There," he stepped back and eyed her with concern as he placed a comforting hand on her knee. "Look kid, whatever is in that pretty little head of yours... I'm sure it's fine. These nightmares or whatever you wanna call them, sure, they gotta be coming from _somewhere_. But I'll be here to help you in any way I can. All of us will."

 

Autumn nodded as she exhaled deeply and steeled herself for whatever they were about to find. "Okay. Let's get this over with."

 

Tony pursed his lips and nodded as he turned the device on and stepped back a little further. Autumn kept her gaze forward and began to panic as Tony suddenly started to fade away.

 

"Relax, kid, you're doing fine. Just try to keep your heartrate steady," Tony said sternly, but his voice also began to fade out.

 

In just a few seconds, Autumn was no longer in his lab but... Somewhere else. _What is this place?_ She looked down and found that she was sitting on an exam table. She gulped and stepped off onto freezing concrete. It seemed so real, she could even feel the water puddle that she inadvertently stepped into.

 

She tiptoed to the double doors in front of her as stealthily as she could and swung one open, stepping out into a musty hallway. "Fuck, I've been here before..." she breathed to herself. She mashed herself up against the far wall and continued her quiet trek down the hall, taking note of the dim lighting and familiar sounds of grinding machinery.

 

She finally came to a corner and held her long hair back as she peeked around. Another empty hallway. She swung around and kept going, trying to flatten herself against the wall as much as possible. Soon she found another set of double doors and stood on her tiptoes as she peered inside, but the window on the door was so dirty that she couldn't see through.

 

She stood for a minute and built up the courage to enter the room, but her moment of bravery was cut short when she was grabbed by the hair from behind. She gasped and bit back a scream as she was dragged back the way she came, and it took some work to turn her head to the side and get a look at who or what had a vice grip on her roots. Her heart stopped when she heard the noise of mechanics whirring next to her ear. She cried out as her hair tore from her scalp when she jerked her head further and saw the offending arm. _A metal arm._

 

She began to scream and flail as the Winter Soldier stomped down the remainder of the way back to the room she started off in. He threw the doors open wide and yanked her past the exam table and over to that godawful mechanical chair. Tears flowed down her flushed cheeks as he threw her down into the chair and closed the restraints around her delicate wrists. "It's just a dream, it's just a dream," she chanted in a feeble attempt to calm herself, but she was floored when he stopped moving and leaned down inches away from her face.

 

"This is not a dream, Nadya," he droned in Russian, his eyes completely devoid of emotion.

 

"Nadya? Bucky, I--" Her statement was cut short by the back of his metal hand coming down across her face with bruising force. She groaned and spit blood as her split lip began to swell. Without breaking eye contact, he reached above her head and pulled down the headpiece of the chair and set it over her face before stepping over to the control panel.

 

"Please Bucky," she pleaded, whimpering as her lip throbbed and tears continued to dribble down her face.

 

He simply blinked, unwavered, as his flesh hand drifted over to the control that would activate the chair. When he turned it on, he stood still as a statue and watched her writhe and struggle against her restraints as her blood-curdling screams tore through the thick air.

 

"Okay, enough," Tony's voice broke through as the device was switched off and, as if yanked through a straw, she was brought back to the present. He set the device on a nearby table and stood back, looking over Autumn with complete and utter shock as her chest heaved and real tears slid down her cheeks.

 

"What's happening to me?" she whispered, staring down at her shaking hands. "What am I?"

 

Tony opened and closed his mouth as he tried to find the right answer. When nothing came to him, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, pressing her face into his chest as her tears soaked his t-shirt. "We'll figure this out, kid," he muttered, smoothing a hand over her hair.

 

After several minutes spent comforting her as best he could, Tony pulled away. "Let's get you to Dr. Cho for observation, you need to rest and we need some time to dig up some information," he said softly. She sniffled and nodded as he helped her off the table.

 

Tony followed close behind as she shuffled out of the lab and into the elevator. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., please let Dr. Cho know that Autumn is on her way," Tony called out to the AI as he watched Autumn step into the elevator and slump over against the far wall. He gave her a sympathetic smile as the doors closed and marched back into the lab. "Locate anything you can on the name Nadya and its association with Hydra."

 

***************************************

 

Two days passed by as Autumn spent most of her time in the infirmary while Dr. Cho performed test after test, monitoring stress levels and brain waves while Tony slaved away in his lab, looking for anything he could get his hands on concerning Autumn's gruesome memories.

 

He was so deep in thought that he forgot all about the return of Steve and the others from their mission in Holland.

 

"Don't you ever rest?" Steve asked behind him, startling him. Tony simply turned around and glared at him, his current state taking Steve by surprise. "You look terrible."

 

"Yeah, well, you guys missed an interesting turn of events," Tony mumbled as he turned back to his grueling search for information.

 

Bucky strolled in a minute later, still wearing his tactical gear and scanning the room. "Anyone seen Autumn?" he asked, having not heard the news yet. Tony turned to him slowly with pursed lips and a furrowed brow, causing Bucky to worry. "Tell me where she is, Stark," he demanded, his voice low as he took a step forward.

 

"Look Frosty," Tony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "some strange shit is happening and we all just need to remain calm, so--"

 

"God dammit," Bucky mumbled through gritted teeth as he turned toward the door. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., where the hell is Autumn?"

 

"In the infirmary," the AI replied. Bucky spun with lightning speed and stared at Tony with saucer eyes before darting out of the lab.

 

"We don't know what's wrong with her yet, Barnes!" Tony shouted after him before turning to Steve. "Can you keep your old war pal in check please?"

 

"He's not the only one worrying," Steve said sternly. "What's going on?"

 

Tony sighed and picked up the memory device, removing a small memory chip and plugging it in to a nearby computer. "You're lucky this thing records the memories it brings up," he muttered. He pulled up the most recent recording and played it back for Steve, who seemed to grow more and more perplexed the more he watched.

 

When the video ended, Steve stood with his mouth agape and blinked several times before turning to Tony. "I'm assuming you've been scouring every accessible network for information," he almost whispered. Tony nodded. "What have you found?"

 

"Not a damn thing. If she was ever involved with Hydra, they've buried her files so deep that even Romanoff missed them when she released everything to the public. But judging by the memories that were accessed, I'm beginning to think that she was another experiment."

 

Steve went pale and raked a hand down his face. "Well, what do we do?"

 

"An excellent question. We'll have to have a discussion about that later. What did you find in the Netherlands?"

 

Steve shook his head. "It was a bust, that base had either been long abandoned or was never a base at all."

 

Tony's brow furrowed. "That can't be right, I have proof of a data point at that exact location."

 

"It was completely empty. All we found was a single sheet of paper on the floor that looks so old we're not even sure we'll be able to decipher the writing on it." He leaned over and picked up the leather casing that Bucky had set on one of the tables and handed it to Tony, who unzipped it to reveal the paper in question.

 

"I'll get to work on this," he stated. "You go check on Frosty, please. I'm not completely sure of Autumn's mental stability at the moment."

 

Steve nodded and turned to leave.

 

***************************************

 

Bucky felt his chest tighten as he entered the infirmary and found Autumn curled up under a blanket with that familiar mess of burgundy hair resting on a pillow on one of the beds. He entered quietly and upon closer inspection found electrodes taped to her forehead, no doubt reading her brain activity. This further puzzled and worried him as he lowered himself into a chair next to the bed, not once taking his eyes off her.

 

He smiled when she began to stir and peeked one eye open. If the circumstances had been any different, she would have launched herself out of bed and into his arms, confessing her love for him; but not now. She was afraid; of her own mind, of what she might be capable of.

 

She heaved a sigh as she sat up, letting the blanket reveal more electrodes stuck to her body as it pooled in her lap.

 

"How are you feeling?" Bucky asked softly as he scooted his chair closer to the side of the bed.

 

Autumn grimaced as her gaze fell to her fidgety hands resting against her thighs. "Been better," she quipped, doing everything in her power to not lose control of her emotions.

 

"What's going on, Autumn?" he asked more sternly, steely grey-blues scanning over every exposed inch of skin for any signs of injury. "Why are you here?"

 

She frowned and chewed her lip. She didn't even have a firm grasp on what the hell was happening to her, and she never wanted Bucky to know about her past. She looked up at him, big green eyes brimming with unshed tears and filled with so much fear and self-loathing that Bucky's heart plummeted into his stomach.

 

"Come on, sweetheart," he cooed, reaching out to grasp both of her hands to still them. "You can tell me."

Exhaling sharply, she squeezed his hands in hers to ground herself before speaking. "Those nightmares I've been having..." she trailed off and flicked her eyes upward to catch him nodding as he listened. "They're not just nightmares... They're memories."

 

Bucky frowned as he tried to remember whether or not she even told him what the dreams were about, but she never did. He shifted in his chair and began to run his thumbs over her knuckles soothingly. "It can't be that bad..."

 

She shook her head violently, hair flying back and forth. "It is. I used Tony's memory thing and I was... I don't know where I was, but it was some Hydra facility. And..."

 

Bucky's blood ran ice cold and he went completely numb. "Tell me everything."

 

Autumn parted her lips to speak again, but paused as Steve entered the room. "Buck, we need to talk," he said lowly, his eyes flitting over to Autumn for a split second.

 

Bucky pursed his lips and nodded, standing and leaning down to place a kiss to Autumn's cheek. "I'll be back."

 

She nodded and watched him leave, a single fat tear slipping down her cheek as the door closed behind them.

 

As Steve began to head back to the lab, expecting Bucky to follow, instead he was stopped by the former assassin. "What the fuck is going on, Steve? What's wrong with her?" he spat, gesturing back to the infirmary room with his metal arm.

 

"I don't know, but we're gonna find out. Tony will probably want to dig deeper into her memories, but right now he's trying to make that sheet of paper readable."

 

Bucky ground his teeth in frustration, but conceded and followed Steve back to the lab. As much as he wanted to decipher their lone clue, though, he couldn't keep his mind from wandering back to the infirmary. He felt the twinge in his heart every time he thought of her, and he desperately wanted to know what ailed her so he could help put an end to it.

 

As the two super soldiers trudged into the lab, they found Tony, Clint, and Natasha all hunched over the mysterious crumbling sheet of paper they had found at the fake Hydra facility.

 

"Any luck?" Steve asked as he peered over Natasha's shoulder while Bucky took a seat at one of the other nearby tables and sulked.

 

"Well, we've managed to clean off some of the grime, but it's still difficult to read," Natasha replied with a shrug.

 

"We? I've been doing all the dirty work," Tony corrected, causing Natasha to roll her eyes. "So, how's the kid?" Tony continued, glancing first at Bucky, then at Steve.

 

"Terrified," Bucky deadpanned, anger at the situation evident in the deep frown lines and furrowed brow on his face.

 

"Mind explaining to us outsiders what's going on with Autumn?" Clint chimed in.

 

Tony sighed. "This again... Okay," he turned his gaze to Bucky, "keep your cool, Frosty. No pun intended. Or heavily. Whichever you pref--"

 

"Out with it, Stark," Nat pressed, looking as if she would reach over and lnock him out at any moment.

 

"So, kid's been having traumatic memories return in her sleep. And they have something to do with Hydra... And you," he looked past Steve once again.

 

Bucky raised his head and took on the look of a puppy that had just been kicked.

 

"Calm down, Robocop, I think we can fix her like we're gonna fix you. I just need more information."

 

"W-what did I do?" Bucky stammered as he stood abruptly.

 

"Nothing. You didn't do anything. Not here, at least. I think... She was one of their lab rats at some point, and you two met under _very_ different circumstances."

 

Bucky stumbled back against the table as his eyes widened. "Why don't I remember?" he muttered as he blinked back tears.

 

"There are still a lot of things you don't remember," Steve said solemnly, clapping a hand to Bucky's shoulder. "But we're gonna help you remember, just like we're gonna help Autumn."

 

"And how exactly do we know that she isn't dangerous?" Clint snapped.

 

An audible gasp emitted from the door to the lab, drawing everyone's attention. Bucky's head snapped up first, and to his horror, he dound Autumn standing there, willowy and frail, tears staining her cheeks.

 

"Oh God, Autumn, I--" Clint stuttered as he stepped around the table to approach her, but Tony stopped him.

 

"Autumn, sweetie, you should be resting," he stated, sugarcoating every word as if she was a child out of bed.

 

Bucky simply stood where he was, mouth agape and mind racing with horrific thoughts of what he might have done to her and couldn't even remember.

 

She looked at him with pain in her eyes as she began toward him. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how..."

 

He swallowed hard and opened his mouth to speak, but any possible response died on his lips as she wrapped her arms around his waist and curled into his chest. He slowly raised his arms to hold her as she cried silently. "So... My first night here," he began, "that wasn't the first time I hurt you..."

 

"Wait, what?" Tony snapped.

 

"Shit guys, look!"

 

Everyone turned to Clint as he pointed at the old ratty sheet of paper. Miraculously, words began to appear. Autumn pulled out of Bucky's arms as the group stepped toward where the paper sat.

 

Natasha rounded the table to get a better look at the script. " _Отпустите чуму_ ," she read.

 

The instant the Russian words passed her lips, Autumn collapsed in a heap on the floor. Bucky knelt beside her and tried to rouse her as everyone else crowded around them.

 

"What the _fuck_ just happened?!" he cried as he lightly slapped her cheeks. "Autumn, sweetheart, wake up! Please wake up..."

 

Tony eyed the paper in horror as he asked, "What exactly does that mean, Nat?"

 

"Release the plague," she answered softly.

 

"Her heartrate is way too fast," Bucky noted with his flesh fingers against the pulsepoint on Autumn's throat.

 

"Get her up, take her back to the infirmary," Tony commanded.

 

As Bucky began to lift her from the floor, her eyes shot open. Her eyes were once a bright, beautiful shade of green; now, cold, pitch black, and lifeless.

 

"Autumn?" Bucky cooed as he brushed strands of hair from her face. Her gaze was empty until the black orbs darted to meet his. Then she flipped from his arms and began throwing crushing punches at lightning speed. "Autumn, what are you doing?!"

 

Each and every move was precise; she landed every punch, every kick, as she backed toward the door while Nat crossed the room and approached her from behind.

 

"Autumn, I don't want to hurt you," she said calmly, but was met with a bruising hit to the temple and knocked out cold.

 

She turned back to Bucky, lifeless expression still etched on her face as Bucky tried to restrain her.

 

"Please doll, don't make me do this," he begged, but to no avail. She kicked his legs from under him and knelt over him when he hit the floor. As she placed her left hand over his throat and squeezed while her right hand held his metal arm to the floor, she seemingly stared right through him as her black eyes began to swirl. "Autumn, please," Bucky sputtered, trying but failing to shove her away, utterly bewildered by her newfound strength, "I w-won't fight you..."

 

Steve and Clint ran up behind her and attenotwd to pull her up, but without even looking their way, she reached back and punched Clint in the side with her right hand, sending him toppling over on top of Steve before restraining Bucky once more.

 

"Autumn, please," he gasped, his lips beginning to turn blue as tears streamed down his temples and into his hair, his flesh hand no longer pushing her away but clutching at her arm, "I... Love you..."

 

"Okay, I've had enough of this," Tony announced from the other end of the room, completely suited up. He aimed right at her head, but as if sensing danger, she turned to look him right in the eye before darting out of the lab. 

 

"I got her!" Clint shouted as he chased after her.

 

"Buck," Steve ran to his friend's aid as Bucky sat up and swallowed down huge gulps of air. "You okay?" Steve asked, kneeling next to him on the floor.

 

Bucky remained silent as he stared aimlessly at the floor, trying to make sense of what just happened.

 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.," Tony muttered, eyes wide as he removed the iron mask and took in the situation, "search all Hydra files for any reference to the plague."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn's big life-altering mystery is revealed and the Avengers formulate a plan of action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo my pretties :D welp here it is, Autumn's big secret! I've been building up to this for the last few chapters and it's quite a twist so I hope y'all like it :) comments are always welcome!

__

__

Two days passed since Autumn's disappearance, and the Avengers were no close to locating her than the minute she bolted from the tower to God knows where.

 

Steve and Bucky sat in solemn uncomfortable silence in the lab while Tony and Natasha scoured the internet for any piece of information they could find.

 

"Why didn't she tell me anything..." Bucky mumbled to no one in particular as he sat hunched over a desk, elbows resting on the surface with his head cradled in his hands, eyes puffy and bloodshot from mentally destroying himself.

 

"No one knew, Buck," Steve tried to console his best friend; it tore him up to see Bucky like this, as if any of this was his doing. The part that hurt him the most was that he knew Bucky's confession to Autumn had been genuine, but the Autumn they all knew and loved didn't hear it. "I don't think _she_ even knew the full story herself."

 

"Capsicle is right," Tony called from across the lab, eyes glued to the computer hologram he was using to flip through endless Hydra files. "Whatever happened to her was either so traumatic that she suppressed those memories, or she was wiped."

 

Bucky grimaced and screwed his eyes shut as he shook his head in disbelief, both flesh and metal fingers threading through his messy hair and pulling at the roots.

 

Steve pursed his lips as he watched Bucky blame himself, knowing there was nothing he could do. Sighing in defeat, he stood and turned toward the elevator. "I'm going to the kitchen... You need anything?" he clapped a sympathetic hand to Bucky's shoulder.

 

Bucky simply shook his head slowly, not wanting his voice to betray him and crack as he contained his sobs. Steve nodded knowingly and left the lab.

 

The room fell into silence once again, save the occasional beep or hum of electronics, or the clicking and whirring of Bucky's cybernetic arm when he clenched his fists.

 

"You know," Nat began softly as she stole a short glance in Bucky's direction, "since you and Autumn clearly have history with Hydra together, using Tony's memory therapy tool could be of some help."

 

Bucky blinked as his watery eyes practically bored holes through the metal desk at which he sat.

 

"Red actually makes an excellent point," Tony agreed, turning to face Bucky. "Thinking about her as it boots up would trigger memories and might even give us a clue as to where the hell she went."

 

Bucky spun on the stool he sat on and considered this option as he stared off into space in Tony's general direction.

 

"Should I send for Wanda, or...?" Tony trailed off, gesturing vaguely toward the elevator as he awaited a reply.

 

Bucky's brows threaded together as he nodded cautiously, his eyes focusing on Tony. Tony called out a command for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to send Wanda to them as he strode to another corner of the lab to fetch the device, Bucky's gaze following him lazily as he tried to suppress the feeling that this wouldn't work before he stood and went to the nearest empty table, hopping up and taking a seat.

 

As Tony reached him with the device in hand, Wanda made her way theough the glass doors. "You called for me?" she asked timidly.

 

"Yes, we may be in need of your expertise," Tony answered, setting the device on Bucky's head and making sure everything was secure before stepping back. He motioned for Wanda to come to them and stand at the head of the table as Bucky laid back and made himself as comfortable as one could be laying on a cold metal surface. "I'm gonna restrain you as just a precautionary measure, alright Barnes?" Tony asked as he picked up the end of a strap that dangled from the underside of the table.

 

"Tony, do you really think--" Wanda began, eyeing the straps with disdain. She didn't like the idea of tying someone down like an animal.

 

"No," Bucky said flatly. "Do it. I don't want to hurt anyone."

 

Tony nodded as he handed the strap to Wanda over Bucky's chest and she reluctantly took it, attaching it to the other side of the table and repeated the process with another strap that locked over his thighs.

 

"Okay," Tony exhaled sharply as he turned his attention to Wanda. "We're looking for memories of Autumn and some kind of clue as to what happened to her. We're thinking Hydra but we're not sure yet. I just need you to... Keep him calm."

 

Wanda nodded and placed her hands over Bucky's temples. As Tony prepared to activate the device, Wanda shrieked and jumped back, startling both Bucky and Tony. "Don't turn that on," she advised Tony.

 

As he gave her a questioning look, she explained. "You don't need... I can see her clear as day."

 

She reclaimed her place at the end of the table and removed Tony's device from Bucky's head, passing it to Tony as she placed her hands over Bucky's temples again, concentrating harder this time.

 

She opened her eyes and she was suddenly not in the lab anymore, but somewhere else entirely. She stood to the side as she watched in horror while Hydra agents dragged a screaming and flailing Autumn into the room. She was dressed in a tattered old hospital gown, her hair much shorter and her pale skin covered in cuts and bruises. She appeared to be much thinner, leading Wanda to believe they were starving her.

 

They approached a mechanical looking chair and threw her down in it, locking her in with metal cuffs. Another man then entered the room; he looked like a mad scientist, dirty lab coat and all, as he strode to the chair and leaned in close.

 

"What's the matter, Nadya?" he sneered, running a grubby finger down the side of her face. "Didn't like being manhandled by the Asset?" He then turned his gaze to a far corner of the room. Wanda followed his gaze and found the Winter Soldier lurking in the shadows, features completely blank as he watched.

 

"We'll teach you to comply, little girl," the man continued, his accent heavy, some kind of Eastern European. He signaled for the Winter Soldier to come to the control panel for the chair, to which he complied instantly. Wanda's eyes brimmed with unshed tears as she watched a brainwashed Bucky torture the woman he was now in love with. The longer they kept Autumn strapped in to the chair, the darker her eyes became.

 

Just as Autumn grew limp and stopped struggling, Wanda's surroundings faded into something even more horrifying. She now stood in the square of some small unknown town. She observed the townspeople going about their day, nothing out of the ordinary until balls of fire appeared to fall from the sky, slamming into rooftops and sending fiery debris everywhere. Wanda jumped to the side to avoid one, though it would not have hit her anyway, and she scanned the area for a source.

 

Her red eyes landed on a dark figure standing at the nearby tree line, shrouded in all black with a black hood hiding its face. The figure approached the town and pulled two guns out of its holsters, slaughtering everyone that crossed its path.

 

Wanda's hand flew to cover her mouth as she watched the wind catch the hood and blow it back, revealing the sweet and lively burgundy-haired girl she had grown to love as a sister. She took in her vacant expression and pitch black orbs where bright green eyes should be, the black encompassing even the whites and bleeding out over her eyelids; she looked like a dead woman walking.

 

Autumn marched into the square and kicked down the remains of a burning door, entering the enflamed house and exiting moments later, dragging a terrified man behind her.

 

As Wanda tried to process everything she had just seen, she watched Autumn as she strode back to the tree line with the frightened man in tow... Right back to where she had been standing before, next to the Winter Soldier.

 

Wanda inhaled sharply and collapsed to her knees before returning to the present, her hands clutching at the edge of the table that Bucky lay on as she sat on her knees on the cold tile floor.

 

"What did you see?" Tony asked, suddenly behind her helping her from the floor. She looked down at Bucky as she stood and found tears streaming down into his hair; he undoubtedly saw everything that Wanda saw. "Well?" Tony pressed.

 

She slowly rounded the table and found a chair to sink herself down into as she began the gruesome details of her vision. Tony unstrapped Bucky as he listened, but Bucky never sat up, simply wincing each time he was mentioned, a stab to his heart every instance that it flashed in his mind. He had taken part in the torture and programming of the woman he loved, turned her into a monster like him; how was he going to live with himself, let alone her if they ever found her?

 

"You still with us, buddy?" Tony asked, standing over him with a furrowed brow, concern written on his face.

 

Bucky blinked away the rest of his tears and sat up, swinging his legs off the table and standing. "I'm going to the gym," he deadpanned as he trudged off to the elevator.

 

Tony pursed his lips and glanced back at Natasha, who shot the same look of dismay back.

 

Dragging a hand down his face, Tony turned back to Wanda and thanked her for her help, escorting her to the doors.

 

"Will Bucky be okay?" she asked him quietly.

 

"No tellin'," Tony shrugged. "I'll have a definite answer to that question if we ever find Autumn."

 

Wanda nodded and stepped into the elevator car, leaving Tony and Nat to their fruitless search.

 

"Anything?" he said to Nat as he returned to his place at the computer opposite hers.

 

The redhead shook her head without looking away from her work. "Maybe we're not looking in the right place..." she trailed off as her computer made a sound, bringing up a file.

 

"What's that?" Tony pointed to the image of a building schematic.

 

"That's the location of our last mission," she said curiously, "the fake Hydra facility."

 

"Why the hell does it keep coming up if there's nothing there?" Tony wondered aloud. "The only thing you found was that paper, right?"

 

"Right," Nat confirmed.

 

"And what did it say? 'Release the plague'?"

 

"Yes, but why was it the only thing there?"

 

"I don't know, but look at the name of the file," he pointed to the top left corner of the screen, where it read "Operation Black Death". "Sound familiar?"

 

"Of course," Nat said as they stared wide eyed at each other, sharing the same epiphany. "Black Death was an older name for the plague..."

 

"Autumn is Black Death," Tony summarized, snapping his fingers.

 

"You don't think that's where she's going, do you?"

 

"I don't know, but it's a good place for us to start," he grabbed his phone and transferred the file to it before hurrying to the elevator. "Come on, we have work to do."

 

***************************************

 

Bucky preferred to do his training alone, and for good reason. It didn't take much to trigger a flashback, and he certainly didn't want to hurt an unsuspecting teammate or agent who unintentionally managed to sneak up on him. "It's better this way," he once told Steve when he was asked by his friend why he always went to the gym alone.

 

This particular day was vastly different from his usual training days. Even wailing on the poor punching bag didn't keep the horrendous visions from racing through Bucky's troubled mind. Blow by crippling blow, his closed fists slammed against the bag, sending it flying to and fro as he let out his pent up anger. Anger at himself that only grew exponentially with each vision.

 

He stilled for a moment when pieces of a particularly painful memory kept creeping up on him. Flashes of his own hands, gripping Autumn's arms with bruising force as he threw her onto the cold damp floor, of her stunning eyes pleading for him to stop as she held her trembling hands in front of her, of his hands ripping her clothes from her body as he forced her down and--

 

His metal hand balled into a fist and plowed right through the punching bag as he let out an animalistic roar. He watched as sand poured from the giant gaping hole that his fist left as he withdrew his hand, thick chest heaving and wisps of sweat-drenched hair swaying in his face as he puffed out sharp breaths.

 

He collapsed to his knees and doubled over as if his mind had just dealt a nauseating blow to his stomach, the swimming sensation in his head making him sick. Who knows how many times they forced him to hurt her, and then Steve brought him to the tower and there she was, beautiful and glowing and perfect... Had he really triggered something within her?

 

"None of this is your fault," a sweet voice said behind him. Wanda took the few extra steps to kneel down next to him. "I'm sorry," she almost whispered, tears still staining her cheeks as she read his mind, saw the things he saw.

 

He shook his head, dismissing her apology, still seemingly mesmerized by the sand falling to the floor in a steady stream like an hourglass.

 

"So you remember now," she said cautiously.

 

"Everything," he choked out as he grimaced. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't mean to, but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he wasn't in his right mind, the damage was still done by his hands. _I don't deserve sympathy, happiness, love..._

 

"Everyone deserves to be loved, Bucky," Wanda said as she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She told me, you know."

 

Bucky slowly turned his head to stare at her incredulously, red-rimmed eyes wide in disbelief.

 

She smiled and gave him a small nod. "She came to me for advice the day you all left for the last mission. I looked into her mind and saw you... Just you."

 

He shook his head violently, pinching his eyes shut. "How the fuck could she? After everything I did to her... _God_ , I don't deserve her..."

 

"Do you know you're the only one who thinks you're guilty?" she asked, the irritation evident in her voice. "You were _forced_ to do all those things, Bucky. No one blames you, not even her. Whether you want to see it or not, she's in love with you. And when we find her and get her back to normal, she will still love you."

 

He turned his gaze to her, tears welling up again and threatening to spill over. "And you love her, so go find her," she concluded. She was right, and he knew it.

 

"Sergeant Barnes and Miss Maximoff," F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice rang over the loudspeakers, "Mr. Stark requests your presence in the conference room."

 

"They must have found something. Come on," Wanda stood and offered Bucky a hand up. He steeled himself and took her hand, standing up and following her to the elevator.

 

Through the whole elevator ride that seemed to last an eternity, he had to fight hard to keep those terrible visions from returning to him as he told himself over and over that he would get her back, he would get another chance with her.

 

Wanda glanced to her right, smiling at his unspoken repetitive confessions as she silently hoped that he was right.

 

They exited the elevator and trekked down the long empty hallway to meet Tony. As they entered the big conference room, they found that Natasha, Steve, Vision, Clint, and Sam were all present for this meeting as well.

 

"Good, everyone's here," Tony chimed a little too enthusiastically from his spot at the far end of the huge table. Wanda and Bucky took a couple empty seats next to Steve and gave Tony their full attention.

 

"So," he began, pulling up a large hologram of the building schematic from his phone and setting it in the middle of the table. "Some of you may find this familiar," he turned his gaze to Steve and Natasha, then Clint, and finally Bucky, who nodded solemnly. "I've deduced that the Russian words written on the paper that you guys found there are Autumn's trigger words. Now, considering that paper was the only thing in this building, I have a hunch that that's where she was headed when she left the tower."

 

"Tony, you saw her run outta here," Clint pointed out. "She was wearing next to nothing, how the hell would she have gotten to another continent in that state?"

 

"If she's as skilled as we think she is, she'll find ways," Nat answered as Tony opened and closed his mouth.

 

"But if there's nothing there, why would she go there?" Sam asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

 

"Like I said, just a hunch," Tony answered. "There are a few spots nearby that need to be checked out. Since we all know and love Autumn, this is a team effort. We're all going."

 

Bucky sat up straighter at this. He hoped Tony was right. At least if she was there, then there was a good possibility that a Hydra operative was also there for him to rip apart with his bare hands for taking his girl away from him.

 

"I need _you_ to keep your emotions in check, Barnes," Tony said sternly, as if reading the super soldier's mind. "I understand this is a delicate situation for you, but we need you level-headed."

 

Bucky nodded. As if he would let it go any other way. Tony was out of his mind to think Bucky would do anything to jeopardize what he considered to be his most important mission.

 

"I've arranged an extraction point about a mile south of the site," Tony continued. "Pilots will be on standby at the Amsterdam airport and will pick us up as soon as I call them."

 

"What if we don't find her?" Wanda asked quietly, beating Bucky to the punch.

 

"We will," Tony replied matter-of-factly. "Either we'll find her, or some clue as to where she really went."

 

Bucky took a quick glance around the table and observed the determined look on everyone's faces, and he felt his heart warm. He would have to find a way to thank them all when this was over.

 

"Alright team," Tony picked his phone up off the table and made for the door, "let's suit up."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers begin their search for Autumn
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS RAPE AND GRAPHIC VIOLENCE***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME D: life in general has just gotten super crazy lately but here I am with a new chapter! I'm trying to keep the story from ending so soon so I apologise if these next few chapters seem boring or drawn out. Comments are very welcome! And as always, enjoy!

 

 

 

_Blood spattered across a wall and all over the floor._

_Strobing lights casting eery shadows._

_A girl's piercing screams tearing through the thick air._

_A flash of shifting metal plates, coupled with the sound of whirring machinery._

_A heavy metal cell door was thrown open, crashing against the stone wall behind it, allowing dim light to trickle into the room. It spread across the dirty floor and fell upon her shivering form, sprawled limply on her back across a flimsy cot that sit against the far wall._

_Her skin was pale, covered in blood and dirt, and speckled with goosebumps from the chilly air. Her eyelids parted slowly, eyes bloodshot and lifeless, falling upon the hulking frame of the Winter Soldier that filled most of the open doorway. He has come for conditioning._

_Her eyes widened and she whimpered pitifully, unable to move or speak due to the very effective cocktail of drugs Hydra had been pumping into her. Her empty stomach churned, the taste of bile and blood still fresh in her mouth as he took one, two, three steps into the room, slamming the door shut behind him._

_"Готовы ли вы соблюдать, Nadya?" ("Are you ready to comply?") the Soldier asked, kneeling over her as he gently stroked her matted hair. Her split lip quivered in fear as she attempted to pull away from him, but the drugs coursing through her system would not allow it._

_He continued petting her hair with his metal hand while his flesh hand grazed over the tattered hospital gown that barely covered her, traveling down her torso and pressing down when he reached the apex of her thighs, slipping his fingers beneath the gown and trailing along her slit, causing her to whimper again and jerk back slightly._

_"Тем не менее упрямая маленькая девочка," ("Still a stubborn little girl,") he continued, now threading his metal fingers into her hair and yanking her head to the side as he lowered his head, trailing the tip of his nose along her throat and up to her ear. "Позвольте мне исправить это." ("Let me fix that.")_

_Without warning, he crammed three long fingers into her and, metal fingers still tangled in her mess of hair, lifted her from the cot with ease and throwing her onto the floor, face-down. For the first time that night, her lungs allowed her to scream, triggered by the sharp tearing pain between her legs, but she dare not move. She had seen what the Winter Soldier had done to other assets who resisted him._

_As she cowered on the floor, eyes screwed shut and her breathing shallow, she heard the rustling of clothing and the sound of his pants unzipping, prompting her to hold her breath. She knew what was coming--she had barely been given time to heal from the last time._

_She began to sob quietly when his fingers curled around her hips, yanking her ass into the air as he tossed the hem of the gown up to uncover it. "У тебя лучшая задница," (You have the best ass") he sneered, his metal hand kneading her round backside roughly while his flesh hand stroked his hardening cock. Her cries grew louder as she anticipated his next move._

_Her sobs died in her throat as he spread her cheeks and slammed into her tight hole to the hilt. As he pistoned into her mercilessly, her mouth hung open and saliva pooled on the floor beneath her lips in silent screams as she dug her nails into the stone floor, begging for a swift death._

_Before she realized what was happening, the Soldier reached down and grasped her throat with his metal hand, raising her up and tightening his grip as the other hand gripped her hip with bruising force, chuckling as she gasped and sputtered for breath, grunting as he quickened his brutal pace and buried his seed deep within her._

_His hips slowed and only when his cock stopped twitching did he pull out and release her throat, grin widening as he watched her crumple back to the floor and struggle to draw air, nearly unconscious. He redressed himself as blood pooled around her legs and torso, not giving her as econd thought as he left the cell and slammed the door shut behind him._

 

"Bucky..."

 

Bucky's eyes flew open, shaken awake by the jostling of the quinjet, his face dripping sweat and chest heaving. He looked to his right to find Steve sitting next to him, worry written on his face. "We'll find her, Buck," Steve tried to reassure him.

 

Bucky shook his head. "I don't know how the hell I'll be able to face her again," he croaked, eyes brimming with tears. "These memories keep coming, and they're worse each time... I... I did horrible things to her, Steve." He hung his head, broad shoulders beginning to quake as he held back sobs.

 

Steve's brow furrowed, lips forming a thin line. "It wasn't you, Bucky... You know that."

 

"But will she know that?" Bucky spat, turning to glare at his friend. "I'm a fucking monster..."

 

Finally at a loss for words, Steve clapped a hand to his friend's shoulder and squeezed.

 

"Approaching our destination, boys," Natasha called over her shoulder from the cockpit as she steered the quinjet into descent.

 

Steve straightened while Bucky immediately stood and stepped over to the miniature armory, strapping guns everywhere he could before picking up an AR15.

 

"Hey, leave me some, Barnes," Nat joked as they touched down in a large open field. Bucky ignored her and stood seething at the door, waiting to be let off.

 

" _Please_ stay calm," Tony begged, reiterating his wishes from their last meeting as he stepped up beside Bucky. "I know you're upset--"

 

"That's putting it extremely lightly," Bucky gritted as he gripped the handle of his AR15 almost tight enough to warp it.

 

Tony sighed as he put his mask on. "Just... Don't do anything rash. We all care about her, you know."

 

Nat opened the door as soon as she armed herself, allowing everyone to deboard. "Then don't get in my way," Bucky commanded, exiting the quinjet first.

 

The field was strangely quiet. No wind, no sign of any life except the grass and an occasional tree, and the nearest tree line was almost too far to see. "The fake base is just beyond those trees," Steve pointed out, gesturing to the faraway tree line. "Okay, comms on, everyone. Spread out over the field and meet at the fake base in ten."

 

And on they went. Clint and Nat took the left side of the field, Tony and Sam took the right side, while Steve and Bucky went straight up the middle.

 

Five minutes in, the unsettling silence began to get to Bucky. "I don't like this, Steve," he whispered. "Don't you find it weird that there aren't even any birds flying around?"

 

"I was just beginning to notice that myself," Steve replied before holding down the button on his comm. "Tony, scan the area for any kind of electromagnetic devices."

 

"On it," Tony's voice came through the comm.

 

"Might be a possibility if there's any kind of radio or satellite communication going on here that they don't want anyone else picking up," Steve said.

 

"Hey guys, I think you're gonna wanna see this," Sam called over the comm. Steve and Bucky looked to their right to see Sam waving them over.

 

"We're on our way," Nat's voice came in as she and Clint sprinted across the field to them. Steve turned back to find that Bucky had run ahead at near lightning speed, almost to where Sam and Tony stood.

 

Once they had all reached Sam, he stomped on a patch of dirt that had been disturbed, revealing a slab of metal beneath the dirt there. "What the hell?" Clint wondered aloud as Sam and Bucky began kicking dirt out of the way. "The fake base is still another mile away, what's this doing here?"

 

"Secret entrance?" Steve suggested just as Sam picked up a heavy chain and pulled up on it, proving that it was indeed an entrance to something.

 

"Well, why don't you two take the secret entrance," Tony gestured to Steve and Bucky, "and we'll keep going, see if we find anything new."

 

The two super soldiers looked on as the rest of the team raced to the tree line before they descended into the dark and musty staircase beneath the ground, letting the metal door shut behind them.

 

As soon as the door closed, emergency overhead lighting came on, dim but providing enough light for them to see where they put their feet. The steep staircase ended at a long, dimly lot passageway that appeared undisturbed for years, save the fresh set of bootprints. "Well, someone's been here," Steve stated the obvious as they slowly made their way.

 

The passage was simply that: no doors leading elsewhere, no communication equipment, just the dusty air and poor lighting. Soon the passageway opened up into a large room with concrete walls. The walls were bare and there seemed to be nothing worth noting about it except for the overhead speaker system in the ceiling.

 

"Fancy meeting you here!" Tony exclaimed as he emerged through the door in the far corner, followed by everyone else.

 

"That was fast," Steve noted as he continued investigating every inch of the room.

 

"Yeah, well, fake Hydra facility is an understatement. This place is completely barren," Tony stated as he noticed the ceiling intercomm. "What do you suppose that's for?"

 

"Did you really think that I would make it that easy for you?" a sinister sounding voice sounded through the speakers, causing everyone to stop in their tracks.

 

"It lives!" Tony announced.

 

"Who are you?" Steve asked, turning to face the ceiling. Meanwhile, Tony began scanning the room for any hidden objects or openings.

 

"A faithful servant to Hydra," the voice answered. "And you've arrived just in time for the celebration."

 

"Where the hell is Autumn?" Bucky shouted, growing more angry by the minute.

 

"Ah, the legendary Fist of Hydra," the voice chuckled. "I knew the girl would draw you out into the open once Captain Rogers thawed you out."

 

"Shit..." Steve muttered as he watched Bucky back into the nearest wall, eyes wide with shock and fear.

 

"I'm sure you remember your helping hand in conditioning her, don't you, Soldier?"

 

"Uhh, guys," Tony droned as he located a seam in the floor.

 

"You took orders so well, Soldier," the voice continued, "but she did not. She lacked discipline, which you so graciously showed her."

 

"Tell us what you've done with her, now!" Steve demanded, stepping closer to Bucky as if to calm him down.

 

"Endless hours spent in her cell, feeding her our newest serum, beating her, raping her into submission all in the name of Hydra--"

 

" _SHUT UP!!_ " Bucky roared, throwing his metal fist into the concrete behind him, leaving a sizable hole as it continued to crumble and expose the metal on the other side.

 

"So the Soldier has a heart after all," the voice sneered through the speakers. "What a shame that none of you will live to see her finest hour."

 

As the man's voice faded into static, a large section of the floor began to rise, bringing a container with it that was filled with explosives. "Yeah, kinda tried to mention this a minute ago," Tony rambled as he made for the main entrance. "Let's move! Estimated thirty seconds before that blows this place out of the ground!"

 

As the other Avengers fell into step behind Tony, racing to exit the facility before it was destroyed, Bucky had zoned out as he turned away from the gaping hole he left in the concrete wall. Steve grabbed his flesh arm and shook him. "Buck, come on, we have to get the hell out of here!"

 

Bucky shook some sense into himself and sprinted up the main stairwell towards the entrance behind Steve. They made it about a quarter of a mile from the base before everyone was thrown to the ground by the force of the explosion.

 

As the dust settled, Steve and Tony stood and scanned the area, making sure everyone got out okay. "Well, that didn't get us any closer to Autumn..." Steve trailed off as he turned to face Bucky, who knelt on the grass staring at his hands in disgust. "You can't let what he said get to you, Bucky. We'll find her, and she's gonna be fine."

 

Bucky slowly rose to his feet and picked up his AR15 before turning to glare daggers at Steve. "You have _no fucking idea_ what I put that girl through," he hissed. "And it's gonna haunt me forever." He brushed past Steve and headed for the quinjet.

 

Steve made to follow him, but Nat grasped his bicep and stopped him. "Give him some time," she said softly.

 

Steve sighed and nodded in agreement as he turned to Tony. "What now?"

 

"Well, as it turns out, we're not leaving completely empty handed," Tony replied a little enthusiastically. "I managed to find a small amount of data hiding under the compartment that held the explosives. Evidently there was a level below us that we couldn't get to, a lab of sorts, with a computer."

 

He pulled up a hologram to display the information he found, which only consisted of a list of coordinates. "What does all this mean?" Sam asked curiously, looking over Tony's shoulder.

 

"It could literally be anything," Tony said with a sigh, "but I'm willing to bet that these are either targets, or other Hydra facilities. And since we know that Autumn was here, we should probably check out some of these places before we totally give up."

 

"Let's go then," Steve called as he ran to the quinjet, followed closely by the others.

 

***************************************

 

As the Avengers boarded the quinjet in Amsterdam, a small plane prepared for landing outside of Cairo. The airstrip that it targeted was small and almost hidden by the sand constantly being blown around by the strong southern wind. The plane was jostled by a rather strong gust, nearly crash-landed but made it to the ground safely. The door swung open just before it slowed to a stop.

 

Ignoring the ladder, the lone passenger jumped out, landing on her feet with a low thud of her heavy boots. Autumn's entirely black ensemble was a stark contrast to the yellow sand that piled up everywhere, and what's stranger was that anyone else would have begun pouring sweat immediately after stepping out into such harsh heat, but she didn't sweat at all.

 

Thr black orbs that were her eyes scanned over the desert moving away from the city, swiping her long hair out of her face searching for her target. Easily spotted, her eyes fell upon a lone rundown looking building with no signs of life around it. She trudged onward, kicking up sand and dust in her wake as she slung her firearm over her shoulder and repeated her mission over and over in her head.

 

Within minutes, she marched up to what appeared to be the front door of the place, rearing back and kicking the door right off the hinges before stepping inside. Nothing but old machinery and boxes piled high against the walls to block out the sunlight. She slinked through the room, running her fingertips along a large table to her left as she went, leaving finger trails in the heavy sheet of dust.

 

When she reached the far end of the room, she approached the electrical panel and yanked the little metal door off the box, dropping it to the floor with a loud clang. She took a wire in her hand and pulled it out, causing a hidden door to her right to open. She slipped through the gap and pulled the section of wall closed behind her.

 

As she descended the spiral staircase, she pulled her AK to her front, preparing for anything. Soft light began to bleed its way up the stairs as she went further down, and voices followed soon after. She smashed herself up against the wall once she reached the bottom, listening to two men discuss how much danger they were currently in and whether or not they should dispose of "the plague".

 

She picked her moment well and stepped out into the underground lab, in plain sight of the scientist and the bodyguard that was no doubt assigned to protect him. The scientist cowered toward the other end of the room while the soldier seemed to grow larger as he stepped forward, pulling a large gun from his back.

 

Autumn seemingly morphed into liquid as she  wung her gun back behind her and hopped and swayed around the room, evading each and every bullet as she put her capoeira skills to good use. The hulking soldier's barage of flying bullets didn't stop until she flipped through the air and landed directly in front of him and shoved the butt of her gun upward, smashing it into his mouth and sending teeth flying before pulling a handgun from her hip and shooting him point blank between the eyes.

 

The soldier collapsed in a heap at her feet and she stepped around him, approaching the trembling scientist as he tried his best to hide behind a desk. She rounded the corners of the desk and let him beg for his life forca minute before putting three bullets in his head.

 

She stepped over to the chemical freezer and plucked out two vials filled with a black substance, then went about the room collecting  every piece of intel she could before heading back to the staircase.

 

" _Пакет безопасный и готовый f_ ," ("Package secure and ready for pickup") she muttered into her comm as she ascended the rickety staircase. The roaring of helicopter propellers grew increasingly loud as she approached the way she came, and within minutes she was boarding an unmarked chopper, shielding her black eyes from the flying sand, and disappearing without a trace.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers continue their search for Autumn and uncover more than they expected to find

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! My apologies for the delay, work and just life in general have gotten crazy -.- but I haven't forgotten y'all! Here's a chapter that I had fun writing, because I threw in a topic/location that I've always been fascinated by and worked it into the storyline. Enjoy :D

 

 

Another week of fruitless searching went by, and the Avengers began to grow anxious as well as annoyed and somewhat infuriated. They sat in one of the big conference rooms back at the tower, around a giant table either sitting in furious silence or trying to muster up some halfassed idea or plan of action.

 

Steve, Natasha, and Tony all slouched in office chairs, drumming fingers on the tabletop or rested heads in hands; Clint and Sam did their best to stay conscious, having to deal with the toll of sleep deprivation; Thor had been brought in as an aide to help figure out what the fuck this "plague" shit is that overtook Autumn, assuming it might be extraterrestrial; and poor Bucky stood scowling at the gigantic floor-to-ceiling window, just staring out over the city, convincing himself that all of this was his fault.

 

As Steve sat hunched over the compiled list of locations they'd found in Amsterdam that all contained zero traces of Autumn or any clue that she had been there at all, his eyes flitted up to Bucky every few seconds, his brow furrowed and screwed into deep concern and sorrow for his hurting friend. He knew Bucky wasn't at fault for this; _everyone_ knew, except for Bucky.

 

"I grow weary of just sitting here," Thor groaned as he balanced Mjölnir on his index finger by its handle, "isn't there another way to go about this?"

 

"You don't think we're trying, meathead?" Tony ground out, rubbing his tired eyes and slamming his fist onto the table.

 

"DO NOT SPEAK TO ME IN THAT MANNER, STARK--"

 

" _Children_!" Wanda shouted from the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms folded over her chest. Everyone but Bucky turned to face her, surprise at her tone evident on some of their faces. She raised an eyebrow at the group. "I made lunch, if anyone is hungry. Probably a good idea, some of you might need the brain fuel." She turned on her heel and disappeared down the hall.

 

Steve sighed as he threw the list down on the table. "She's right, I know some of us haven't eaten in days." As they stood to file out of the room, Steve fell back to check on his friend. "Come on Buck, you should eat."

 

Bucky didn't move a muscle, simply kept staring out the window.

 

Steve pursed his lips as he sighed and clapped a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "You can't give up hope. We'll find her."

 

Bucky's shoulders began to tremble as he pinched his eyes shut and his metal hand clenched into a fist at his side. "The minute I make myself vulnerable to a woman, someone takes her from me..."

 

"This isn't your fault, none of it is," Steve tried to convince him. "We'll get her back, you can make up for lost time, tell her how you feel. She feels the same, Buck. I've seen it in her eyes."

 

Bucky chuckled silently. "She wanted to travel... To take me with her... We were gonna go t--" He stopped, eyes widening as he raised his head.

 

Steve eyed him quizzically. "Bucky?"

 

Bucky whipped around and stared at him with eyes as big as saucers before gasping, "I remember..." He darted out of the conference  room and down the hall to the break room where everyone was eating. He took a sandwich from the large platter and inhaled it as he paced, as if the food would jog his memory.

 

Steve appeared in the doorway and stopped, waiting for Bucky to elaborate as he continued to pace. Suddenly he stopped and violently shook his head. "Wanda,"  he choked out, finding her amongst the tables with pleading eyes. She shot out of her chair and maneuvered through the cluster of tables and chairs, taking his arm and guiding him to a chair to sit.

 

She stood in front of him and placed her hands over his temples, the familiar red glow snaking around her fingers as they hovered there. Growing impatient, Bucky took her wrists and placed her hands directly on his head, the effects immediate. His head flew back, eyes glowing red as he found himself falling into his own memories.

 

His feet touched down just outside what appeared to be an abandoned town. Brow furrowing, he slowly made his way down the tiny dirt road that led through the town.

 

The effects of time and life having long gone became painfully evident as he observed the rundown and rotting buildings, broken windows, years and years of dirt, grime, and weather covrring everything. The air was thick, a foul smell hung heavy in the humidity.

 

He passed an old rusted ferris wheel and other carnival rides in the center of the town. As he stared up at the wheel, he jumped to one side as he was startled by movement that he couldn't identify.

 

He trudged on, approaching what looked like an old factory. No, not a factory... He could see the dirty toxic water surrounding the plant. The towers that rose from the ground throughout. The reactor that had malfunctioned, triggering one of the biggest nuclear disasters in the world...

 

He was thrown back by a... Ball of fire? But fire isn't black... He looked up to the top of the reactor and saw her. "Autumn!" he screamed as he rose to his feet and ran toward the reactor. His face and lungs began to burn from the radioactive fallout still present in the air, but he didn't care. He needed to get to her...

 

He was yanked out of his own mind and found himself no longer sitting in the chair, but standing over Wanda who had fallen to the floor, gasping for breath.

 

He snapped out of it and immediately moved to help her off the floor as everyone else looked on in shock.

 

"What type of sorcery is this?" Thor boomed.

 

Bucky looked puzzled as he turned to the Asgardian. "What--"

 

"Wanda somehow projected your memory outward," Nat clarified, shock evident on her face. "We all saw it."

 

"Like we were all there," Steve added.

 

"So she's... At Chernobyl?" Tony asked in disbelief. "That can't be right. That place is still an exclusion zone, the environment is too toxic--"

 

"We were kept there before the meltdown," Bucky cut him off. "This was before Siberia... T-they made me..." His voice cracked.

 

"You don't need to continue," Steve reassured him before turning to Tony. "So how are we gonna do this?"

 

Tony sighed. "I honestly have no idea. Granted it's been 30 years since the meltdown, the air is still toxic and you can't touch anything, especially inside the reactor. We'll have to tread lightly. Respirator masks, some kind of protective wear--"

 

"So we're gonna just go in wearing hazmat suits?" Sam chortled, shutting up quick when Bucky shot him an "I'll fucking tear you in half" look.

 

"Cute, Wilson," Tony deadpanned.

 

"Bucky, Thor, and I can probably inspect the area safely without being affected by any leftover fallout," Steve mused as Thor nodded in agreement. "The rest of you may have to stay in Pripyat away from the reactor."

 

"There's always a possibility of us finding something there anyway, so that's alright," Nat chimed in after finishing off her sandwich she had been neglecting.

 

"Okay we have a plan, let's move out," Tony declared as he headed for the door and down the hall to the elevator, the others soon filing out after him.

 

***************************************

 

In a dark and musty room with barren concrete walls, a figure sat slouched in a rickety metal armchair, face shrouded in a strange wispy cloak that looked more like mist and smog. Legs stretched out and arms draped over the cold sides of the chair, the figure waited.

 

Pitch black eyes flitting to the door, it opened a beat later and a man stepped into the room and approached the slouching figure.

 

"Your time has almost come, Nadya," the man rasped in his gritty Eastern European accent. "Soon this miserable rock and all of its inhabitants will know the true meaning of fear and submission."

 

Nadya didn't move a muscle, just stared blankly at the man before her. Her master, her teacher. She tilted her chin downward, allowing her now mostly-black hair to fall into her face.

 

"The Avengers approach. They are close," the man hissed. He didn't miss the way her head shot up. He sneered. "Ah, you still feel something for the Soldier." He observed her and noted the slight twinkle deep in the blackness of her eyes. "I can fix that." He reached into his billowy cloak and retrieved a glass flask, filled with the black misty substance she had taken from Cairo. The Plague itself.

 

She continued to watch him as he came closer and uncorked the flask. "Breathe," he commanded as he held the open flask under her nose. She complied, inhaling the misty substance. He tore the flask out of reach and watched her writhe and convulse in the chair, the plague coursing through her veins, leaving black trails across her pale flesh as it consumed her.

 

She arched almost unnaturally before she stilled. The deep burgundy color that used to be her long flowing locks barely hung on at the tips as the plague slowly turned the rest of her hair black from the roots down. Eyes wide, glassy, and even blacker than before, she peered up at her master and awaited instruction.

 

He grinned maniacally. "Slaughter them all."

 

***************************************

 

The flight to the abandoned nuclear power plant wasn't a very short one, but nonetheless was spent in complete chilling silence. They didn't know what to expect, so everyone was on board for this mission, including Bucky, despite Steve's very strongly advising against it due to his strong emotional attachment to their target.

 

"You're fucked in the head if you think I'm staying behind," Bucky had barked as he pushed past his friend to board the quinjet. He refused to sit back and watch the woman he loved die, or worse... Even if he had to die for her, he would.

 

Now he sat at the back of the quinjet, mind reeling, trying so hard to push any unpleasant thoughts out. He had no idea how to save her, or if he even physically could. _Maybe I can get through to her verbally..._

 

"You care deeply for lady Autumn," Thor observed as he sat net to the distraught supersoldier, nearly startling him from his thoughts.

 

Bucky looked over and nodded, not having much to say at this point. He hadn't spoken much to the Asgardian yet.

 

"You mustn't waste so much time worrying," Thor continued plainly, before smiling. "Lady Autumn is very strong-willed. I have faith that we can bring her back safely."

 

Bucky pinched his eyes shut. He wanted to believe that with every fibre of his being. He didn't do a lot of praying in his unnaturally long lifetime, but as he clenched his fists in his lap and held back tears, he figured it couldn't hurt.

"About to touch down just outside of Pripyat," Nat called from the pilot's seat.

 

"Comms ready everyone, we're splitting up as soon as we deplane," Steve added, standing up and grabbing his shield.

 

"I'll come with you," Wanda muttered under her breath as she stood and approached Steve. "I'm enhanced, I can handle it. Vision should come with us, too."

 

Steve thought for a minute before nodding, "Probably not a bad idea."

 

The group approached the door and exited the quinjet into a small clearing surrounded by thick vegetation. The city and plant could be seen just over the treeline.

 

"Here we go," Sam mumbled as they made for the trees.

 

They spread out as they pushed through the brush and vines, thick branches swinging back when they moved them out of the way. Soon they began to notice how eerily quiet it was.

 

"Does anyone hear anything at all?" Clint breathed into his comm as his eyes darted suspiciously around the thick brush.

 

"Not a sound," Tony replied first.

 

"So it's not just me," Sam added, suspicion heavy in his voice.

 

Bucky tuned out the conversation as he focused on his mission: get Autumn to safety, priority one. Though he couldn't tell whether the sound of her laughter that rang over the air like jingle bells was real, or if he was going crazy. He put a finger to his comm. "Did you guys hear that?"

 

They stopped, looked around, looked at Bucky.

 

"Hear what?" Steve asked back from several feet away.

 

Bucky whipped around in place, searching for the source, but found nothing but thick brush and a few buzzing flies. Shaking her voice from his head, he trudged onward.

 

Within severa minutes, they exited the opposite side of the wooded area and stepped into the deserted city of Pripyat. The landscape was rough, the surrounding buildings having begun to rot and fall apart, leaving pieces of drywall, wood, and concrete littering the ground. Old rusted toys lay scattered about, and weathered cars lined the empty streets. The air was thick, but relatively clean.

 

"The air is almost pure here, Boss," F.R.I.D.A.Y. stated inside Tony's helmet.

 

"Well that's surprising... Us normals are safe," Tony announced to the rest of the team.

 

"Okay, this is a good place to split up," Steve suggested. "Be on your guard, and be careful." His eyes lingered on Nat for a few seconds as she returned his loving gaze.

 

The group nodded to each other before separating. Tony, Clint, Natasha, and Sam took to investigating the city while Steve, Bucky, Wanda, Thor, and Vision headed for the plant.

 

Tony's group stood looking around at their options for a minute, his gaze falling upon what appeared to be an office building. "Looks like a good enough place to start," he mumbled. "Stay close," he said, gesturing to the others to follow as he made his way to the building.

 

They had to break the glass in the front doors to get in, the door handles having been barred shut from the inside, strangely enough. "That's kinda unnerving," Sam noted.

 

"Do your thing, Sam," Tony requested. Sam nodded and fiddled with his wrist mechanism that controlled Redwing, commanding it to scout the first floor while they waited.

 

"Any clue as to what exactly we're looking for here?" Clint wondered aloud, arms crossed over his chest as he watched Redwing zip in and out of rooms around the lobby in which they stood.

 

"Not really," Tony replied rather sheepishly.

 

"I have an idea on that, actually," Nat admitted slowly.

 

"Do enlighten us then," Tony said as the group turned to listen.

 

"Well," she began, "if Autumn is here, which is weird to begin with, maybe we need to be looking for paper files. Hydra had nothing on her when I released everything to the public, maybe we'll find it here."

 

"Interesting notion," Tony mused.

 

"No signs of life or immediate threats," Sam announced as Redwing returned. "Anything on your end, Cap?"

 

"Nothing yet," Steve replied over the comms.

 

"Well, let's split up, gang," Tony suggested. "Nat, you and Clint take that side, Sam and I will check these rooms."

 

They separated and began scouring their respective sides, leaving nothing in each room unturned. Drawers, cabinets, and desks were turned inside out in search of some clue as to how Autumn came into the hands of Hydra.

 

About five minutes into the third room, Sam uncovered an ancient-looking safe hidden in a secret compartment under the floor. "Stark, I may need your expertise for this," Sam called behind him as Tony inspected every file in the belly of a file cabinet on the opposite wall.

 

Tony stalked over and peered into the hole. "Well at least it's old as hell, that means it'll be easy to open," he stated, holding his arm out to blast the lock off while Sam shielded his face in the crook of his elbow. One blast and it was open. Tony reached in and ripped the door from its hinges, tossing it over his shoulder and narrowly missing Clint's face as he and Nat peeked in to see what the fuss was about.

 

Inside the safe was an overstuffed file labeled "TOP SECRET", an old dusty framed photo, and an envelope. Sam pulled each item out one-by-one and threw the heavy file down onto the nearby table, sending a plume of dust out from its innards. He flipped it open as the team gathered round to look on. On the very first page read the name "Nadya Reznikov" next to an old photo of Autumn laying frozen in a cryogenic chamber, the all too familiar insignia of Hydra gracing the top of the page.

 

"Jesus," Clint breathed.

 

"Well, that answers pretty much half of our questions," Tony muttered, squinting his eyes at the illegible Russian script on the next page. "Romanov, would you be so kind?" He gestured to the file.

 

She nodded and rounded the corner of the table, Sam stepping aside to give her room. She scanned over the page and rattled off the most important details, "Project Plague. Subject zero: Nadya Reznikov. Code name: Black Death. Origin: Kiev. Born: 1967," she side-eyed Tony before continuing. "The only subject to survive the experiments. They used a combinatoon of mind wiping, memory manipulation, programming, torture, and a knock-off of the super soldier serum before they--" She paused; even the Black Widow herself was shocked at the horrifying things that were done to her friend, and she never knew. "They... Discovered some kind of otherworldly matter that attacks the nervous system, acting as a parasite and giving the victim certain abilities."

 

"She nearly choked out Barnes," Tony noted, stepping back and taking his mask off for some fresh air.

 

"He was letting her," Nat added. "He wouldn't hurt her even if she was about to kill him."

 

"Cap," Tony gasped into his comm, "we got some intel here on Autumn--"

 

"Now might not be the best time, Tony," Steve replied.

 

***************************************

 

Steve and his group approached the plant cautiously, the surrounding vegetation looking more and more sickly the closer they got.

 

"This place reeks of death and poison," Wanda mumbled, stepping closer to Vision, who placed a comforting arm around her.

 

They made it to the first reactor and snaked around it until they found a way in. The door was chained shut until Bucky stepped up and ripped the door off completely, throwing it aside as if it was weightless. He wanted to be the first to get his hands on whoever had control of Autumn; he would make it slow and agonizing, until the fucking monster begged for death.

 

He stepped inside and mumbled a soft "clear" before the others filed in. "Something terrible happened here," Thor said lowly, peering over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure they weren't being followed. 

 

"Nuclear meltdown," Wanda informed him, not that he understood what that meant.

 

"I can feel the residual isotopes in the air," Vision added.

 

Soon they circled completely around the hallway before deciding they should check inside the reactor, which sat in an enclosed room in the centre of the building. Steve pried the door open only to find an elevator. Puzzled, he motioned for everyone to pack inside. 

 

They all stared at the control panel, unsure of what to do at this point, until Bucky spoke up. "Wanda," he said, "get in my head and help me turn this on."

 

Wanda nodded as she stepped up next to him and with a wave of her fingers, the glowing red coils snaked between her fingers and Bucky's head as he was once again sent somewhere else in time. He looked around and found that he was standing in the same place, but he was alone. Furrowing his brow, he turned his attention back to the control panel and entered a number code into the keypad, marveling at how it took so little for him to remember.

 

The elevator lurched into life, slowly lowering downward into the ground below the reactor. The haze cleared as the elevator made its descent, bringing him back to the present. What seemed like an eternity later, the elevator finally stopped and the doors opened into a large laboratory.

 

The second Bucky stepped into the lab, the chair came into view to his left. That fucking chair. A close copy of the very chair that tortured him for so long. Visions of a metal arm shoving Autumn into the chair flashed through his mind, triggering his rage and nearly making him punch through the steel and concrete walls that surrounded them.

 

He screwed his eyes shut and tried to push the thoughts out, and was thankfully snapped out of it when Steve patted his shoulder. He sighed and took in the giant room; the ceiling was high, providing room for a second-story walkway above all the gigantic machines and various equipment that lined two of the walls; there was one other door leading in and out of the room, up on the wallway; medical tools and a gurney sat to their right across from the chair. 

 

"What despicable things did they do to our Autumn?" Thor rumbled, white-knuckling Mjölnir's handle as he scowled at the medical equipment, some of which was still caked in blood. 

 

As if on cue, Tony's voice rang over the comms. "Cap, we got some intel here on Autumn--"

 

"Now might not be the best time, Tony," Steve interrupted lowly, not missing the sounds of boots falling heavily on the metal walkway and gazing up to it. Bucky also heard it, large sad eyes almost taking up his entire face as they landed on Autumn, impossibly black eyes shining and face devoid of emotion as she stared down at the group.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally locates Autumn and the mysterious man behind her disappearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god y'all I'm SO SORRY for my absence D: life just got super crazy and time got away from me. But I've finally gotten a new chapter for y'all! Please enjoy and let me know what y'all think :D

Bucky stood motionless, almost lifeless, as he stared at the woman he grew to love towering over him high up on the walkway above. His eyes wide in fear and some sickening awe, his gaze raked up and down her form. 

 

Shrouded in black from head to toe, like a symbiotic second skin, long luxurious hair almost completely black, billowy smog wrapping around her like a snake, and large eyes as black as night... She was as beautiful as she was terrifying. 

 

Bucky snapped out of it and took a long step forward. "Autumn... Sweetheart," he began, treading lightly, unsure of what to expect, "you know me, doll..."

 

"We're your friends, Autumn," Wanda added from a far corner of the giant lab. 

 

"We want to help you--" Bucky was cut off by the sound of heavy static crackling through the thick air.

 

"Did you really think she would comply, soldier?" that fucking voice again...

 

"Who are you? Show yourself!" Cap demanded as he whipped around, searching for any sign of a foreign presence.

 

"Your efforts are fruitless, Captain Rogers," the man spoke up again. "You are too late. The transformation of the Black Death is nearly complete."

 

All heads whipped back around to Autumn, who sneered as her head lowered slightly. 

 

"What the hell do you want? Why her?!" Bucky barked as he spent all of his helf control trying to remain calm.

 

"What don't you understand? She is the chosen one."

 

"I don't think so," Wanda murmured as she sent long strings of red flying toward the speaker that she finally located just past Autumn's head, grinning as they disappeared into the speaker and seemingly wrapped around the man's throat. As she balled her fists and yanked them back, as if pulling on a lasso, the crackling speaker cut off and silence filled the room once more.

 

"Tony, Autumn is here and so is Mystery Man," Cap rattled off into his comm. "We're inside the reactor, stay where you are. The radioactivity in here is too toxic."

 

"What're we supposed to do then, Captain Obvious?" Tony fired back, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

 

As Steve opened his mouth to reply, he was knocked backward by a gigantic ball of black... Something. He flew back and hit the far wall with a loud thud before crumpling to the floor. He whipped his head up and glowered at Autumn... Or so he meant to. She vanished.

 

"Did anyone see where she--" 

 

"Already on it," Bucky seethed into his comm, cutting Steve off as he pulled himself up the rickety staircase to the walkway at a startling speed. When he reached the door at the right end, the staircase gave out and crashed to the ground below, leaving the rest of his party stranded. He doubled back and gripped the railing, eyes wide in panic as he tried to figure out how the hell they would follow him.

 

"Just go Bucky, we'll find a way up," Steve called up to him.

 

Bucky nodded before slipping through the doorway into complete darkness. He jolted to a stop, the stark darkness momentarily startling him, before flipping on a flashlight strapped to his rifle. He had absolutely no intention of shooting Autumn, but if he was to be subjected to searching in the dark, he would have to adjust in the only way he could.

 

Silence fell on the air as Bucky made his way through the reactor, turning toward every little sound around him. Footsteps here, a whisper there, the occasional water drip; every tiny noise was like a bomb dropping and it made his head hurt. 

 

He stopped and let his rifle fall to his side as he saueezed his eyes shut with his flesh hand, rubbing vigorously, trying to clear his mind and maintain control of his emotions. As he huffed out a sigh, however, a balled fist smashed into the back of his head, sending fireworks off behind his eyes as he lurched forward.

 

He caught himself before he fell completely, steadying himself as he massaged the base of his skull. He listened hard, as the darkness prevented him from seeing clearly, and heard the next attack whizzing toward him. He ducked to the side and caught an arm as it went flying past his head, yanking the body to his chest and twisting the arm, earning a pained cry. A cry he recognized...

 

Gasping softly, he released Autumn's arm and whimpered. "I'm so sorry, Autumn," he whispered, memories from his first night with her flooding back, how he nearly choked the life from her in a sleepy haze. 

 

As he blinked back tears, a shrill cackle filled his ears. She was _laughing_ at him, and then he remembered it wasn't really her.

 

Filled with a newfound blood-red rage, he regulated his breathing and waited, flesh fist clenched at his side while his metal hand held tightly onto his rifle.

 

The air moved again and his arm flung out, grasping what had to be her shirt, wadding the fabric in his hand and yanking her toward him. He let out a guttural scream as he sent his head flying forward, cracking his forehead against her face. The darkness seemingly melted away and suddenly they were both outside in the daylight. 

 

Staggering backward with her blood on his face, he blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted to the new light and gazed around him, confused as hell as to how they ended up outside so quickly.

 

"What the hell--where did you come from?" Tony yelled from his left side, about 20 feet away and hurrying to him. Bucky shook his head absentmindedly and looked down at the girl on the ground. 

 

"She must have created an alternate reality," Clint observed. "You managed to break it somehow, because I swear to God you weren't here and now you are."

 

"What he said," Tony gasped as he gestured to Clint, a look of wonder etched across his features as his finger tried to find his comm. "Cap, location."

 

"We just left the reactor," Steve answered, clearly winded. "We lost Buck and Autumn."

 

"Don't worry, we found them," Tony quipped before turning his attention to Autumn, who had regained consciousness and looked as if she was powering up. 

 

She stood before them, arms at her sides and palms forward as the misty fog that surrounded her began to whip around her, sending rocks and dust flying as she slowly began to rise into the air. Bucky could only stare, horrified. 

 

"Autumn, please!" He begged her, hands dropping his rifle and reaching for her. She laughed and pushed forward with her hands, sending a massive wave of energy at the present Avengers and watching them go flying every which way. Except Bucky... He braced himself against her attack and began inching forward.

 

"Baby, listen to me," he pleaded, only a few feet from touching her. 

 

She leered and sent another energy blast right at his face. " _я не твой ребенок_ ," (I am not your baby) she spat before lunging at him.

 

He nearly stood up when she tackled him back to the ground, shrieking as she sent punch after punch barreling at his face and upper torso. 

 

************************************

 

"How the hell did they just... Appear?" Steve questioned suspiciously over his comm as he, Thor, Vision and Wanda made their way across the plant to where the others were.

 

"I don't fucking know, Rogers, they weren't there and then they were," Tony replied, exasperated as he dodged energy blasts.

 

" _Language_ , Tony!" Steve hissed.

 

Tony sighed and went back to observing the shit show before him.

 

Steve shook his head and rounded the corner of another dilapidated building, smacking right into a man he hadn't seen before. A man cloaked in black...

 

"Excuse me," the man said meekly as he tried to push past Cap, who grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall.

 

"Who the hell are you? What are you doing here?!" Cap demanded.

 

The man laughed, almost maniacally, and shoved him away. "You think you're ready to fight against the end of the world, Captain?" 

 

That voice... They all knew it. Steve fumed as he hissed his next statement through clenched teeth, "You have ten god damn seconds."

 

The man laughed again. "My name is Hemmel. I was a general-turned-doctor for the Polish branch of Hydra... I headed Project Plague."

 

"Project what?" Steve asked as his face contorted into one of confusion.

 

"Nadya was the only suitable host, we found. She would be the only one to survive the infection... Though I would not call it that... It was more of a miracle. Plague is similar to the Inhuman terrigen, but much more destructive," he sneered.

 

"Let me have the honor of destroying this miserable waste of matter," Thor growled from behind Cap, raising Mjölnir and smashing it against his other hand.

 

"As much as I would love to watch that," Wanda sighed disappointedly, "we might need him alive."

 

"She's right," Vision chimed in. "If he is the only one who knows how to save Autumn, we need him."

 

Hemmel cackled again before Steve slammed his head against the brick building, knocking him out. "Shut the hell up."

 

************************************

 

"You sure you got this, Barnes?" Nat asked hesitantly as she, Tony and Clint warily watched him and Autumn circle each other.

 

"I got this," he ground out monotonously, refusing to look away. He never thought, in all of his 100 years of miserable life, that he would go up against the love of his life one day; never in a million years would he ever dream of causing any amount of harm to the woman he loved; but that day has arrived, and he was terrified. 

 

She stopped. Her eyes fell. They closed. One, two, three, four seconds and they open again, but somehow they're different. They're still pitch black, but they'd never seemed this empty before. Bucky nearly stumbled back, swallowing thickly as his emotions tried to take control again. His brow furrowed and his heart leapt into his throat again. "Autumn... You have to be in there somewhere..."

 

Her head tilted to the side, her full dry lips formed a crooked smirk. " _Вы любите ее_ ," (You love her) she said softly, as if the person she had become was just beyond her eyes, sitting next to the real Autumn.

 

His chest swelled and his jaw set. She's still in there... His heart beat wildly as he responded with a shaky " _да_ " (Yes).

 

Her smirk faded as her shoulders slumped and her eyebrows twitched. Her lips parted, ready to speak, but no words came. 

 

DON'T HURT HIM! A shrill voice rang in her head. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she had a momentary panic attack, unable to decide what to do, which didn't go unnoticed by Bucky.

 

She shook her head and recovered, holding her her hands out, as if holding a basketball, and energy gathered between them. " _Очень жаль_ ," (Too bad) she hissed, just before lunging the energy ball in his direction. It hit him square in the chest and threw him back into a surprised Clint. Both men hit the ground like rag dolls and shot back up.

 

Did you notice the way her whole demeanor changed for a minute?" Clint asked, readying an electrical arrow against his bowstring.

 

Bucky nodded. "I knew she was stuck in there somwhere," he panted, still catching his breath from the energy hit.

 

Meanwhile, Steve and his group, along with an unconscious Hemmel, made it to the small clearing where the rest of the Avengers watched Bucky get bombarded by Autumn's blasts.

 

"Ah, so you caught the bastard," Tony praised Cap with a clap on the back, chuckling when Steve simply dumped the guy on the ground at their feet.

 

"So what are we gonna do about her?" Steve asked, motioning to Autumn.

 

"Still working on that," Nat mumbled, her eyes scanning over each page of Autumn's file. "If I could find anything at all on what would draw the stuff out of her body, that would be real helpful."

 

"And too easy," Clint remarked with a frown. 

 

"I might be able to help with that," Wanda spoke up.

 

All eyes turned on her. "How, exactly?" Tony asked hesitantly.

 

Wanda turned back to the scene before them, her brow furrowing as she concentrated on a plan of action. "I think... I think I can pull the plague from her," she announced before turning back to the group. "I can see it within her; it will be difficult, but if someone can manage to hold her still, I should be able to pull it off."

 

"I can do that," Vision chimed in.

 

"Okay, good," Steve affirmed. "Now all we need is a distraction."

 

"I got ya there," Clint said, taking a few steps back as he reached behind his head and pulled a handful of explosive arrows from his quill. 

 

As he made quick work of shooting the arrows off to one side into the sky, Vision made his move. The arrows exploded in mid-air and Autumn's head jerked to the side. Vision appeared behind her like lightning and grabbed her arms, forcing her hands to release Bucky and yanked them behind her back just before he hardened himself into something steel-like so she couldn't escape.

 

"Great idea! Go, Wanda!" Steve yelled, watching their plan work perfectly as he stood back with the rest.

 

Bucky jumped up and made his way to stand next to Steve as Wanda stepped forward, little red tendrils of energy slithering between her fingers as she raised her hands.

 

"You're gonna be okay, Autumn," she said as she aimed and fired. Jets of misty red energy shot forth and entered Autumn's body via her eyes, mouth, and nose. Autumn emitted a blood-curdling scream as she tried to break free.

 

"Wanda, stop! It's hurting her!" Bucky shouted, making to run forward before Steve grasped his shoulder.

 

"This may be the only way to save her, Buck," Steve muttered.

 

So they all watched and waited as Autumn screamed and writhed to free herself from Vision's titanium grip. A moment later, the misty black plague could be seen leaving her body little by little.

 

"Looks like it's working!" Nat remarked, clapping Bucky softly on the back.

 

Bucky paid no mind; all he could hear was the sound of his pounding heart and Autumn's screams. His fists clenched at his sides and his jaw set as he watched the plague leave her.

 

Another minute passed before Autumn's natural skin tone reappeared and her emerald green eyes consumed the blackness that was once there. The remainder of the mist dissipated and Vision released her, letting her crumble to the ground.

 

Bucky immediately sprinted forward and caught her just before her heard collided with the dirt, and cradled her to his chest. "Talk to me doll, let me know you're there please," he rasped into her hair, his eyes pinched shut as he waited for her response. The rest of the team held their respective breaths as they all waited.

 

"B...Bucky..." She croaked, her hands reaching up to grab at any part of him that she could.

 

Bucky let out a deep and shaky breath as he motioned a thumbs-up to the others. "I'm right here darlin', I got you," he cooed as she began to sob. He pulled her further into his lap and stroked her hair, which was still almost completely black with her natural burgundy at the ends.

 

She gathered enough wit and strength to gaze up at him, fat tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. "I remember everything," she croaked. "The experiments, the torture, I... I hurt you," she began to hyperventilate as she reached up to cup his face in her trembling hand.

 

He placed his hand over hers and shook his head. "Don't even think about worrying over me," he said before cradling her head, pulling her to him so he could pepper her face with kisses. "Come on doll, let's get you home." He stood and helped her stand on wobbly legs. "You want me to carry you?"

 

"I think I got it," she sighed as she steadied herself. Her eyes found the rest of the team, who began to cheer and clap for her. Her lips formed a smile as she turned to Bucky. "I heard you," she admitted as a crimson blush rose from her throat all the way up to her hairline. "What you said--"

 

"I meant it, sweetheart," he cut her off with a smile, steel-gray eyes shining as he blinked back tears. "I love you, Autumn... So, so much." He took her by the waist and drew her closer.

 

Her entire face lit up like the night sky filled with fireworks as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. When the team began to whoop and catcall, they parted in fits of laughter.

 

As the noise died down, she grinned up at him lovingly. "I've wanted to say the same thing to you since... Since I first laid eyes on you," she confessed shyly. "James, I--"

 

She was cut off by the sound of a gunshot ringing through the air... And the sharp, excruciating pain in her back.

 

"No! _NO_!" Tony screamed as he broke into a run toward her. Her gaze fell to Hemmel where he lay on the ground, a smoking pistol in his hand and a mad grin on his face.

 

"Hail Hydra," he hissed just before Steve and Nat began wailing on him.

 

She turned back to a panic-stricken Bucky just as she began to collapse to the ground. He clutched at her arms and her sides, scrabbling to keep her standing, but it was no use. Her legs failed her as blood began to drip from her mouth and down her chin.

 

Tony fell to his knees next to Bucky and took her hand. "FRIDAY, vitals!" He yelled, doing his very best not to lose control of himself.

 

"Her heartbeat is faint, Boss. Vital organs were pierced," FRIDAY replied, a hint of worry in the AI's tone.

 

Bucky damn near chewed through his bottom lip and tears cascaded down his face as he watched Autumn slowly slip away. Her breathing began to slow and she coughed and sputtered as she reached for him.

 

"Get her to the quinjet!" Tony screamed.

 

"Stay with me doll," Bucky begged, taking her hands and squeezing them. "I can't lose you, not again..."

 

He watched as her head lolled to the side and her eyes rolled back, their voices seeming to get further and further away as she fell into unconsciousness. All he could feel then was pure rage. Pure rage.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn recovers and a party is had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am SOOOOOO SORRY this has taken so damn long! Life has happened a lot and basically I'm just a busy adult wishing she had more free time. But I have not forgotten my readers. I'm back with a new chapter! I have no idea how long it is so I apologise if it's too short :x but please enjoy!

It started out as a whisper; faraway echoes of voices of the people that Autumn held most dear. She couldn't respond, though... All she could do was listen.

 

She hurt. Bad. Everywhere. Her body felt weighed down by a ton of boulders. Her skin prickled and burned as if she had taken a nap on the surface of the sun. Her heart felt withered and broken.

 

But most of all, she felt trapped. Trapped inside her own head. Her flesh was a coccoon. _Why can't I move? What's wrong with me? Did I hurt anyone?_

 

She could just barely feel that familiar twinge of tears welling up in her eyes, but she still could not move. 

 

_Help! Someone please help me! HEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!_

 

"You're gonna be just fine, doll, just please stay with me..."

 

She knew that voice...

 

_Bucky? Bucky, can you hear me?! Please help me!_

 

Wake up.

 

She opened her eyes. Bright white fluorescent lights that singed her corneas. She blinked her surroundings into focus and found that she was laying in the hospital. No, not a hospital... They'd turned her bedroom into an infirmary.

 

She tried to huff out a laugh at the thought. Sandpaper and cotton. She blinked a few more times as her vision continued to clear and the light grew dimmer. Funny, it was so bright a second ago... All of her blackout curtains were drawn, with not even the slightest sliver of light breaking the barrier of darkness. 

 

She scanned her room from left to right until her bleary gaze landed on the super soldier currently dozing in her favorite rocking chair, body slumped over, chin to chest, metal arm hanging limply off the arm of the chair, snoring lightly. Her heart nearly slammed right through her chest; of course he was there, waiting for her to wake up.

 

As if the sight of him awakened her strength and will, she struggled to sit up. Weirdly enough, the immense pain she had been feeling was gone, leaving only some muscle stiffness. "Bucky," she breathed through dry and chapped lips, tongue dry as Egyptian papyrus, grunting as she tried to push herself up.

 

Thanks to Bucky's enhanced hearing, his head shot up and he immediately launched himself from the chair and to her bedside, gently coaxing her back to laying down while peppering her with kisses. "God you scared the hell outta me sweetheart--shh I'm here, you're okay," he cooed as he wrapped himself around her, careful not to snag on any of the IV tubes that seemed to snake everywhere. She wrung her fingers into his soft henley and sobbed into his chest as he smoothed down her hair and cradled her.

 

As the tremors that wracked her body began to subside, she tried to sit up again, and Bucky allowed it this time. He sat back and gave her some room, swiping at his flushed cheeks as tears began to appear. "H-how long have I... Been out?" Autumn stammered weakly, voice hoarse as it scraped against her bone-dry throat.

 

"Three days," Bucky replied, "though we all expected much longer. You... You were shot..." He hung his head as his shoulders quaked. Autumn couldn't believe her eyes; this big, hulking machine of a man was _crying_ for her. "You shouldn't even be moving on your own, but--"

 

"I love you," she blurted, cheeks instantly reddening. " _So_ fucking much. I wanted to tell you in case someone starts shooting at me again," she smiled wetly through the tears cascading down her heated face.

 

Bucky chuckled and pulled her into his arms again, gazing up at the ceiling to whisper a quick 'thank you' to the Man upstairs for sparing the life of the woman he loved.

 

"I--" she turned to cough when her frail voice cracked audibly, causing her to wince at the sound, "...is there... Water?" she finally asked meekly. 

 

Bucky stood and planted a firm kiss to her forehead before heading for the door. "I'll be right back," he declared before ducking out.

 

Autumn turned her attention to the IV bags hanging next to her. Saline solution; okay, sure. That's pretty standard. Antibiotics; cool, she figured she would need plenty of those since she got fucking shot in the back. Morphine; not really necessary at this point, but she wasn't going to complain. And blood; well, again, she DID just get shot... Wait... She craned her neck to better read the label--

 

"I brought some ice too, you feel a little warm," Bucky announced as he reentered her room with a glass of ice and a water bottle, twisting the cap off with one hand and pouring it into the glass. 

 

She took the glass and thanked him as he sat back down at her side, almost right up against her. She took a few long sips, sighing at the immediate relief before she handed it back to Bucky. "Umm... Whose blood is that?" She pointed at the half-empty bag hanging next to the others.

 

"Mine," he answered without hesitation. Her head whipped around so fast he thought she might have to add whiplash to her growing list of ailments. Her eyes grew wide and lips parted as he shifted his body to face her completely, cupping her face with both large hands. "It was our best option to save you. You're a universal receiver so blood type wasn't an issue, but now you have the serum in you, so... It helped heal you."

 

She nodded slowly and began to tear up again as she reached for his face. "You saved me..."

 

Bucky looked a bit taken aback by her statement. "Of course I did. I'll do anything to protect you." 

 

She needed no further confirmation that her heart was his, and she would go to the ends of the earth and shout it from every mountaintop, all for him. She launched herself into his lap and smashed her lips to his, a welcome gesture as he wrapped his thick arms around her, pulling her impossibly close, melding them together, IV tubes and hospital bed be damned. Her fingers ran along the wide expanse of his shoulders and up into his hair, tugging at the brown locks and causing him to sigh into her touch as his flesh arm wrapped around her waist while his metal hand rested at the base of her neck, cooling her heated flesh.

 

The harsh beep of the medical equipment next to her bed tore them away from each other, however; she'd managed to tug some of the ekg nodes from her flesh. "Oops," she shrugged, while Bucky's reaction was more stern.

 

"Shit," he mumbled as he carefully maneuvered her body back onto the mattress while he stood. 

 

Before he had time to react further, two nurses came bustling in to check her vitals, followed closely by Steve. The atmosphere calmed quite a bit when they saw that Autumn was awake. Steve screeched to a halt in the doorway, wide eyed and jaw hanging open.

 

"How... Are you conscious right now?" He asked slowly, exchanging bewildered glances with the nurses before his gaze landed on Bucky, who simply shrugged.

 

"Probably has something to do with me being a super soldier now?" She giggled, beaming up at Bucky as he leaned down to kiss her.

 

Steve smiled; he couldn't have been more ecstatic that his friend was not only alive, but seemingly fully healed. He made it to her bedside in three huge strides and enveloped her in a warm, strong hug. "Good to see you awake, Autumn," he said, kissing the top of her head.

 

"Alright, hands off my girl, punk," Bucky deadpanned, though unable to hide the smirk. 

 

"She lives!" Clint shouted from the doorway as he and literally everyone else filed in. Steve chuckled as he stepped aside to let the nurses do their jobs and for everyone to give Autumn their hugs and well wishes. "Seriously though, don't do that again," Clint continued before embracing her.

 

"I'm so glad you're okay," Wanda gushed, nearly crying as she embraced the sister she never had. 

 

"I owe you big time," Autumn informed her. "I know it was you who pulled that shit out of me."

 

"How much do you remember?" Nat asked as she approached the bedside.

 

"Everything, unfortunately," Autumn answered, gazing down at her lap. Her hair fell into her face at that moment, and as it fell into her periphery she gasped and grabbed at the ends; it was still mostly black with the exception of the wine-tinted ends. "M-my hair..." She stammered, eyes welling up with tears.

 

"Hey, please don't cry," Bucky pleaded helplessly, pressing her into his side and kissing her temple. "To be honest, I like it. And you can always dye it if it's permanent."

 

"Frosty is right, it's a good look on you" Tony chimed in, strutting up to her side with a gigantic teddy bear. "And don't even think about beating yourself up. Absolutely none of this is your fault."

 

She took the bear with watery eyes. "Thanks, Tony. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you all," she glanced around the room at all of the smiling faces surrounding her... The Avengers, her family.

 

"Well!" Tony exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "This calls for a party. You feeling up to it?" He turned his gaze to Autumn, who nodded slowly. "Great. All you asshats better be there." And with that, he rushed off to make preparations.

 

"You sure you're up for a party, doll? Maybe you should rest more," Bucky reasoned as he handed Autumn her spare glasses from her nightstand, a black and cherry red cat eye-shaped pair, her original pair obviously having been tossed away somewhere during her tryst as the Black Death. Though vastly different from the thick rectangular bejeweled black pair she wore previously, and despite the current situation, Bucky couldn't help but think to himself how much cuter these glasses were on her as she slipped them onto her face.

 

"Honestly, I feel like I need to move around a little," she whined, her pouty bottom lip jutting out. "Every part of me is stiff. I may go hit the gym if I have time."

 

"My girl, always on the move," Bucky chuckled, planting a kiss to her temple.

 

"I'll go with you, make sure you don't kill yourself," Nat joked, poking her ribs.

 

Within a few minutes, everyone had filed out one by one, leaving Autumn and Bucky alone once again. She decided now was a better time than later to start working her legs out. She threw the blanket off of her and swung her legs over the bedside and hopping off. Walking came surprisingly easy, considering she hadn't moved them in days.

 

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Bucky asked apprehensively, watching her carefully as she scurried over to her dresser to pull out some workout clothes, yanking the dreadful hospital gown over her head, leaving her stark naked.

 

"I think I need this," she said. "I missed being here, with you... Everyone..." She turned her back to him to step into a pair of panties, and Bucky hadn't meant to stare, but to be honest, she had the best ass he'd ever seen...

 

And that's when he saw it... Or lack thereof. "Hold on..." He mumbled, hopping up from the rocking chair and stepping up to her backside. He knelt down and at first glance it would appear he was about to do some extremely inappropriate things.

 

"James, what the hell--" Autumn giggled, making an attempt to turn around, but his strong hands shot up to her hips to hold her in place. 

 

"Babe... You were shot in your lower back," he said.

 

"Yeah I know, I was there," she droned sarcastically.

 

"So was I, smartass. There's no scar... At all."

 

"Really?!" She squealed, not intending to be so shrill. She tore herself from his grasp and turned around in front of her full body mirror, inspecting her back. "Wow..." She marveled at how clear the flesh was there. It was as if she had never left the tower in the first place.

 

"The bullet went right through your right kidney, there should be something there."

 

"Maybe I just got lucky... And you did donate some of your super serum blood," she pointed out as she pulled on her yoga pants, the pair she knew Bucky could never resist.

 

She smiled to herself when she heard the low growl emit from his throat that usually meant she was about to be fucked into a wall somewhere, but instead was met with the warmest and sweetest embrace. He appeared behind her at the mirror, snaking his arms around her and pulling her close so he could nuzzle into the crook of her neck.

 

"I thought I was gonna lose you," he breathed shakily. "That I'd never see you or touch you again... I kept hearing your voice in my head and it fucking killed me."

 

"Well I'm here," she turned in his arms and linked her fingers together at the back of his neck, gazing up at him with all the love in the world. "And I'm not going anywhere."

 

************************************

 

Later, while Autumn worked out her muscle stiffness with Nat in the gym, Bucky paced nervously in the common area while Steve rearranged some of the furniture to accommodate more people. He stole a glance at his friend and sighed. "You're gonna pace a ditch into the floor, pal," he said with a slight chuckle.

 

Bucky heaved a deep sigh and collapsed onto the nearest couch, shoulders slumped. He looked perplexed, brow furrowed and lips pursed into a fine line. "What's on your mind, Buck?" Steve pressed as he took a seat in the chair across from his friend.

 

Bucky shook his head as he let it fall into his hands. "I almost lost her, Stevie... I can't stop thinking about it. She's given me more than I could ever ask for, more than I deserve after all the fucked up shit I've done, and I almost fuckin' lost her..."

 

"But she's still here because of you," Steve reasoned. 

 

"I feel... I feel like I'll lose her if I don't keep her close. Like something else will happen and she'll slip away."

 

"We won't let that happen, pal. We love her, too. Just... Try to enjoy the night, Bucky. Tell her everything that's in your heart and don't hold back. I know she loves you, we've all seen it."

 

Bucky nodded slowly, brow still furrowed as he sat back against the couch cushions and blew out a long breath. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind as he combed his flesh hand through his messy hair, trying to calm his nerves. 

 

Then he froze. His eyes grew wide as if he had an epiphany, and before Steve could press further, Bucky had shot up from the couch and towards the elevator. Steve chuckled as he watched his lovestruck friend.

 

Meanwhile, Autumn and Nat finished up in the gym and made their way to the showers. "God that was great, I feel so much better," Autumn sighed as she collapsed onto a bench.

 

"I'm glad you recovered so quickly," Nat replied with a soft smile, peeling her shirt over her head and starting a clothing pile. "We were all worried for you... Especially Bucky. He was a wreck."

 

Autumn frowned at the sudden onslaught of visions of Bucky losing his damn mind trying to find her, to save her. "It's funny, I... I knew that I had a murky past, but I don't remember much... Fuckin' figures that I was just another one of Hydra's sick experiments..." She trailed off before shaking her head and undressing.

 

"Well thankfully you can move past it," Nat smiled at her before tossing her remaining clothing onto her pile and stepping into one of the shower stalls.

 

"Tell me you're going to Tony's party later," Autumn whined as she herself approached an empty shower stall. "Us girls are severely outnumbered here."

 

"Are you kidding? Of course I am," Nat called over the sound of running water beating down on flesh and tile walls.

 

Autumn grinned, feeling pretty lucky to have such a great bunch of friends. She hurriedly washed her hair and bathed when she realized they only had about 2 hours to spare before the party. She managed to dry off and tank on her clean shirt and shorts in a mere 48 seconds before she sprinted to the elevator, leaving Nat in her fresh-smelling dust.

 

One hour later, she finally decided on the sexiest little black dress that she owned: a figure-hugging spaghetti strap with a plunging V neckline that came dangerously close to reaching her belly button, while the hem stopped dangerously high, just below the curve of he ass, to show off her long toned legs. It was almost completely backless, with three gold chains dangling across her back. 

 

Wanda had been gracious enough to gift her the most beautiful pair of black stiletto pumps for her last birthday, adorned with small gold studs along the edges, matching them perfectly to her dress. She worried her bottom lip as she stepped into them.

 

"You're gonna knock Bucky completely off the tower dressed like that," Nat remarked from the doorway, punctuating her statement with a low whistle.

 

"I plan to, trust me," Autumn giggled as she turned in front of the mirror to observe her backside. "Should I... Curl my hair and leave it down, or straighten it into a ponytail?"

 

"If you're going for the sleek sports car model look, ponytail."

 

Autumn grinned as she dug out her straightener, a comb and a hair tie and got to work while Nat ducked out to get ready herself.

 

Soon enough, it was time for the soiree to begin and Autumn had yet to see any sign of Bucky.  As she put the finishing touches on her black and gold winged eye makeup and attached a large pair of gold hoops to her ears, she slipped her glasses back on and took one last look in the mirror, smoothing down her dress, quirking a smile as she decided she did in fact like the new look to her hair, reaching up to tug the sleek ponytail over her shoulder and finger the feathery burgundy ends. She grabbed her black velvety clutch and made her way to the living area, where she found Steve and Nat waiting, all dressed up themselves. "Anyone seen Bucky around?" She asked nervously, almost afraid to hear the answer.

 

As Steve gawked at her, Nat rolled her eyes at him and stood from the couch. "He wouldn't miss you looking like that," she nodded at Autumn's outfit. "He'll be here. And you look amazing." She pulled her friend into a tight hug.

 

"Thanks," Autumn blushed and averted her gaze back to Steve, who had managed to pick his jaw up off the floor.

 

"You really do look great," he managed, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

 

Autumn laughed heartily. "You don't look so bad yourself, Cap. And you," she turned to Nat in her short and very well-fitting purple dress, "are gorgeous!"

 

Nat smiled widely and offered her elbow. "Shall we?" 

 

"We shall," Autumn looped her arm through her friend's as Steve took her other arm and they all made their way to the elevator.

 

Moments later, they stepped out of the elevator and onto the banquet hall floor and the amount of decor Tony had put up in such a short amount of time was astounding. Autumn laughed when an outlandishly dressed Tony stepped into her line of vision, opting for a tattered Black Sabbath t-shirt and torn skinny jeans topped off with a pair of white Kanye West shutter glasses and a gold top hat. "You look fucking ridiculous," Autumn laughed as he made his way over.

 

"I try," he smiled widely before planting a loud kiss to her cheek. "But Jesus, look at _you_." He took her hands in his and stepped back to fully admire her attire. 

 

"Can you even see in those?" Autumn asked, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

 

"That's neither here nor there. You, my dear, are gonna give Frosty a coronary. Is that even classified as a dress?" He twirled her in place and whistled lowly at the lack of fabric to cover her back. "Speaking of the Abominable Snow Cyborg," he released her hands and glanced around the hall, "I haven't seen him yet. He coming?" He focused on Steve, who nodded.

 

"I'm gonna go grab a drink while I wait for him," Autumn announced, holding out her elbow for Nat to loop her arm through. "Come, milady."

 

"Not sure I'd put it that way in front of Star Spangled Virgin here!" Tony shouted after them next to a furiously blushing Steve, who landed a rather firm punch to Tony's bicep.

 

Autumn and Nat made it to the bar and each ordered a fruity martini, Autumn's with extra maraschino cherries. She put her elbows on the bar and leaned forward as Nat sparked up a conversation with a nearby agent, drowning out the noise around her as she tried to forget the past few weeks.

 

"You tryin' to kill all the guys here, doll?" a deep voice growled into her right ear as calloused fingertips feathered across the exposed skin of her back. 

 

She grinned as she turned to face Bucky, who looked very much like the cat that got the cream. He wore a sinfully perfect fitting pair of black jeans with a black button-up straining against his broad chest, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, his hair pulled back into a small bun at the base of his scalp.

 

"Just you, actually," Autumn replied, arms slinking around his neck to pull him closer. He didn't need much coaxing, very quickly invading her space and stealing her breath with a searing kiss. He took her by surprise and pressed a knee firmly between her thighs, smirking against her mouth when she moaned breathily and dragged her nails down his neck, digging into his shoulder blades.

 

He pulled away and chuckled at her half-lidded, dazed look and chewed his lip when her pupils dilated. She blinked away the cloudy vision and readjusted her red glasses. "Drink?" She asked him, turning her body to pick up her own and take a small sip. He nodded and called out his request to the bartender without even taking his eyes off his woman, groaning when she picked up the tiny spear to suck a cherry into her mouth, gazing up at him through her long lashes.

 

"So are you gonna ask me to dance, Sarge?" Autumn asked with an innocently teasing tone as she fiddled with one of the buttons on his shirt, still standing so close that they were nearly chest to chest.

 

The bartender arrived with Bucky's whiskey on the rocks and he took it in his flesh hand, raising it to his lips as his metal hand tightened its grip on Autumn's hip, all while still never breaking eye contact. "Course I am, sweetheart," he finally answered as he set his glass down. He took her hand in his as he took a single step back. "Dance with me."

 

Autumn smiled and nodded, following him to where several other couples were already dancing, including Tony and Pepper, who looked as if she had not been informed of Tony's non-formal dress code for tonight. 

 

Bucky decided on a spot near the edge of the dance floor near the doors to the balcony. He pulled her in impossibly close and Autumn curled her fingers around the base of his neck as they began to sway slowly. He grinned happily down at her as she seemed to glow in the low moonlight. "You look like an angel," he breathed against her cheek after tugging her to rest against him.

 

"You clean up pretty nicely yourself, Sarge," she replied, softly kissing his neck.

 

He growled lowly and leaned down to her ear. "You wanna start somethin', doll?" He asked, punctuating his question with a nibble to her earlobe and chuckling when he felt her knees nearly buckle.

 

"Maybe," she purred right back, nails scratching his neck lightly.

 

Bucky momentarily gave in, large flesh hand palming the back of her head like a basketball and maneuvering her lips to his. He kissed her hungrily, tongue forcing itself between her lips as she reciprocated with equal ferver. She whined and clawed at his tight shirt, moaning when he nipped at her bottom lip. She pulled away to catch her breath and he couldn't take it anymore.

 

"Come with me," he beckoned as he took her hand and led her out onto the balcony. It was dimly lit with some nice looking white Christmas string lights, neatly wrapped around the small trees and the columns and railings. It was romantic, intimate and appropriate for what Bucky had planned. 

 

Autumn closed her eyes and smiled as the breeze hit her face and Bucky watched her; he would always watch her. Everything about her was intoxicating. He stepped up behind her as she leaned on the railing, looking out over the city. He pressed his body against hers and curled his fingers around her hips, leaning his chin on her shoulder, pressing his nose into the flesh of her neck, inhaling her scent.

 

"Autumn," he whispered against her soft skin, inhaled again. She smelled sweet, musky, intense. New perfume, he noted. 

 

"Hmmm?" She hummed, tilting her head to give him more access. He pressed tiny kisses along her throat, up to her ear. She yelped when he nipped at the skin behind her ear and he tightened his grip.

 

" _Autumn_ ," he repeated, more firmly this time.

 

"I'm right here," she reached down and covered his hands with hers before turning to face him. Her heart lurched when she found his eyes glistening. "Baby," she reached up to cup his face. His hands followed.

 

"I-I..." He stuttered, trying to find his words.

 

"I'm here," she reassured him again, brushing a tear from his cheek as quickly as it appeared.

 

He closed his eyes and steeled himself before reaching into his right jean pocket. The action caught her eye and she took a small step back, watching him curiously. Her breath caught when his hand returned, clutching a small black velvet box.

 

He exhaled harshly and opened it, revealing a single amethyst stone haloed by smaller diamonds on a white gold band. Autumn held her breath as her watery eyes darted between the ring and his face. "I almost lost you once, doll, I don't intend to lose you at all. It-it's not... It doesn't have to be--" his words fumbled and Autumn barked out a laugh as tears rolled down her face. "I just... Wanted you to know how much I love you," he continued. " _God_ , I wish I'd prepared a fucking speech or something--"

 

Autumn held out her left hand and Bucky let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as he removed the ring from the box and slipped it onto her ring finger. "James, I--" 

 

"It doesn't have to be _that_ ," he assured her. "I know we haven't known each other very long, so that would probably be too big of a step..  I just...I..."

 

Autumn cupped his cheeks and kissed him deeply, pressing into him as his arms wound around her tiny frame. She pulled away to rest her forehead against his. "So it's basically the fanciest promise ring ever," she giggled.

 

"You could say that," Bucky grinned. 

 

"Can we get the fuck out of here?" she asked abruptly, taking him slightly by surprise and making him wonder if she could read minds. "Because this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. First you save my life and then you buy me a ring, and I need you to make love to me right now or I might die."

 

Bucky kissed her fiercely before stealthily leading her to the elevator and down to the garage; Steve had already agreed to let him use his motorcycle in case any romantic spur of the moment getaway was in order. He climbed on and helped her get on behind him, handing her the only helmet. "Hold on tight, doll," he said over his shoulder before the roar of the engine echoed through the garage and they sped off into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, there you have it. Please please let me know what you think in the comments! <3


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